Zero Charisma Page #6

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and a house he built himself.

Thank god he's not still here to see

how his only grandson turned out.

Yeah, wasn't he a drunk too?

Don't you ever talk about

your grandfather like that.

This isn't over,

you hear me?

You're not getting away with this,

either of you.

I'm getting a lawyer and i'm

suing your asses.

And maybe i'll have you declared incontinent,

for good measure.

Mr. Goran, we'll be ready for

you in about 10 minutes, okay?

Your internet connection sucks.

"Let's rock and roll"!

Sh*t!

Well, well, well.

I didn't think you'd come.

Well it's a special ocassion.

Yeah, i'll say.

Do you know this is Greg's first

public appearance in 15 years.

Yeah, that's right.

He asked me to call him Greg.

Pete, i wanna apologize to you

for how i've behaved.

I was very angry when Huey

made you assistant manager.

To be honest, i thought you were

completely unqualified.

But...

Looks like, i was wrong.

Looks like...

Anyway.

I'm sorry i let that get

in the way of our friendship.

Okay... allright.

Thanks Scott.

Can i have my old job back?

Seriously.

Can i have my old job back?

Scott.

Scott, you're hurting me.

You're hurting me now.

Pete. Please.

Let go!

Pete...

I really need this.

Look, just talk to me after the Q&A, okay?

Sure, sounds great.

I'll help you clean up.

Hello. Hello.

Good afternoon everybody.

For those that don't

know my guest

i'd like to say a few words.

Greg Goran's association with

tabletop games goes back

a long way.

He was one of the first historical

war strategy game testers

at the age of 15 years old.

In 1989, he became a contributing editor

on the Hunter-Gatherer system,

and later he helped found the CRPG

and authored two of his

own original games,

Battle Scourge and Machine Blood.

Battle Scourge!

He's here today to share some of

that history with us, as well as sign

some autographs.

That's only on products purchased

today in the store, ok?

So, let's give a big hand

for Greg Goran.

Hey everyone. Great to see you

guys could pull yourselves away

from World of Warcraft

for an afternoon.

Maybe there is hope after all.

Now how do you wanna do this?

I thought you might have

something to say

before we get to the questions.

Nah.

Okay. Questions then.

Are there any questions?

Yes.

Hi Mr. Goran.

I was wondering why the editors

of edition 2 chose to lessen

the move penalty from

marshland from -6 to -3.

Well, if you read the second edition

a bit more attentively you'd know that

that was changed to reflect

the new movement ratio so

the penalty is

essentially the same.

Any intelligent questions?

You.

Hi, i'm an independent

RPG designer.

And i've submitted some of my

own games to various publishers,

but i haven't caught a break yet.

Do you have an advise for me?

Write better games,

i guess.

Okay...

Are there any other questions.

Scott.

Thank you.

Mr. Goran, in your 1992 adventure

module "Spires of Doom",

the character of the ice sorceress

was so fully realized that,

I thought she must have

been based on a real person.

Is that accurate?

Actually, yes.

My first wife.

Beautiful, clever, but the

coldest b*tch i've ever knew.

That's very perceptive.

Okay.

Also recently,

my players told me that

i take the game too seriously.

Is that even possible for a game master

to take his game too seriously?

Well, It's certainly important for a GM

to be focussed and organized .

When i was running games

fulltime back in the 80's,

i used to spend 20 hours

a week in preparation.

Oh, me too, me too.

At least 20.

But at the end of the day,

it's a game.

It's a way to socialize,

relax and have fun.

you know, and you can get that

with 20 hours of prep or 2.

Ok, moving on.

Yeah, well, don't you think there

is more to it than that?

So, moving on...

I mean, if it's just

about having fun,

why not play tiddlywinks?

Scott enough.

RPG's are more rewarding,

because of what they ask of you.

Look, amigo bottom line,

you're the game master,

the buck stops with you!

If your players

arn't having fun,

you're not doing your job.

Well that's f***ing ridiculous!

Scott!

Not doing my job?

I put my heart and

soul into the game.

No game master works

harder than me!

That's it, you're out of here.

I think somebody

needs to get a life.

You get a life!

Battle Scourge sucks sh*t!

I said get out.

And don't come back!

Oh boo hoo. This

place sucks anyways.

It's a joke. This guy doesn't

know how to run a game store.

The only reason he's

the assistant manager,

is because he's f***ing

Huey's ugly ass sister.

Oh, Yeah?

Well, at least i didn't let

the cash register get robbed

because i was in the back

room jerking off to anime.

That just didn't happen. I...

No idea what he's talking

about, I... I...

I think it's weird that he would

even imagine that scenario.

Would you like to see the security tapes?

Because, you know, i kept them.

Oh, my!

Bullshit.

How many people here have

allready seen the tapes?

No it isn't true.

It's not true!

Why? Why? Why am i

sh*t on constantly?

This world is a f***ed up place,

with f***ed up people,

who's only goal is to

f***ing ruin my life!

Well i'll show you motherf***er.

You want a game?

You want my game?

I'll give you a game

to play motherfuckers.

Yeah, I'll show you a

f***ing game to play.

Excuse me.

Do you know where Miles is?

He was here just a second ago.

Are you a friend of his?

He's my nemesis.

Hum...

Okay.

He thinks he's won, but we'll

see who has the last laugh.

Right on.

I'm Kevin.

Scott.

Do you want a beer man ?

Yeah, that's wonderful.

Are you involved in that as well?

No?

She still works there, you know?

I know.

Miles... Miles.

What the f***?

Hello?

Hey, Wayne?

I need you to do me a favor.

Sure, anything.

I need you to come to my house

and come get Scott.

Why is Scott in your house?

Well... he...

kinda crashed my party, and...

he's been drinking, and...

You're having a party?

Uhh..yeah.

Oh...

So, can you come get him?

Yeah, Yeah, okay,

i'll be right there.

Thanks, bye.

Ah! If this were medieval times,

i'd be well within my rights to

challenge him to armed combat.

If that were to happen?

Spill his guts all over the floor.

It's called the code of chivalry.

May i?

Yeah, sure.

Well, i think it's refreshing

that people still have

nemisis's these days.

You know, i mean you dont

hear that much anymore.

Nemess.

Jup, those were

the good old days.

Back when men were expected

to answer for their actions.

There he is!

Miles, you never told

us you had a nemesis.

Scott, what are you doing here?

Just came to party man!

Drink some brewski's,

talk some sh*t...

Say, where's Wayne and

Martin and Leonard?

Why arn't they here?

Oh, their invitations must

have got lost in the mail.

Uh Scott, why don't we

talk about this tomorrow?

Whatever is going on between us,

you know, we can work out.

Wait, Wait...

Arn't you gonna challenge him?

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