Zerophilia Page #12

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LUCA:

It's not what you think.

MICHELLE:

Oh, please! What about Max?

LUCA:

What about him?

MICHELLE:

Don't you care about him at all?!

LUCA:

Not like that:
I'm straight! I'm

attracted to you!

85.

MICHELLE:

Oh, who cares, you idiot! And

sorry to break it to you, but I'm

straight too.

LUCA:

No. This'll sound crazy, but I'm

not who you think I am-

MICHELLE:

Oh, Christ, Luke, -Luca: I know who

you are!

Luca stares, stunned.

LUCA:

You know I'm a Zerophiliac?!

MICHELLE:

Yes! So you can just go f***

yourself. -Literally!

LUCA:

Does Max know who I am?

MICHELLE:

What if he does? Do you?

LUCA:

He's a guy!

MICHELLE:

And you're a girl!

LUCA:

I'm not!

Michelle gestures "Oh really?!"

LUCA (CONT'D)

I'm not supposed to be!

MICHELLE:

There's no supposed to be anything,

you just ARE!

LUCA:

Is that what you think?! NO!

86.

MICHELLE:

Well, then congratulations! You're

a guy, just like every other guy I

ever met! I can't believe you

slept with him!

LUCA:

He was a woman! I was tricked. I

didn't know I'd switch.

Michelle stares, incredulous.

MICHELLE:

You're gonna' tell me he's a Z

too?! Both of you?!

LUCA:

Yes!

MICHELLE:

Well, that's just perfect. What,

is there something in the water

around here?!

LUCA:

She told me it would make it stop.

That it would keep me from turning

into a girl.

MICHELLE:

So what?! Why's that so important

to you?! There's no way this was

gonna' work.

LUCA:

Because I'm a Zerophiliac.

MICHELLE:

Because you can't stand being one!

Bye, Luca.

LUCA:

(correcting her)

Luke.

She glances back, sad and angry.

Luca watches her go, distraught, and then RUNS...

ATOP A GRASSY HILLSIDE

Luca collapses on the ground, overlooking Polly Wog's.

87.

Janine and Keenan run up, a few yards behind. They sit

nearby, catching their breath, unsure what to say.

Luca gazes up at the moon.

LUCA (CONT'D)

What's it like? To really make

love?

They all three gaze up at the moon.

Keenan steals a glance at Janine.

KEENAN:

The best part's just lyin' there

after. Really close, really far

away.

JANINE:

Like goin' to the moon, maybe.

KEENAN:

Yeah. ...They should open a pizza

joint up there.

Janine glares at him, and Keenan winces.

LUCA:

What am I gonna' do?

KEENAN:

Maybe being a woman'll turn out

okay. Like being an elevated

member of the male species.

JANINE:

Elevated "member?"

KEENAN:

I just mean, maybe he'll learn to

like it.

JANINE:

(sarcastic, to Keenan)

As hard as that is to conceive!

LUCA:

Shut up! Both of you! What, you

want a written guarantee? You're

so damn lucky! You're into him,

he's into you. Super-glue! What

the hell else do you need to know?

88.

Janine looks to Keenan with a look of remorse, hopeful...

KEENAN:

I think you're the female half of

me.

JANINE:

I think you're the macho half of

me.

They kiss.

LUCA:

And I don't know what half of who

the hell I am.

They look to Luca surprised,...

then all three bust out LAUGHING.

JANINE:

What are you gonna' do?

LUCA:

I don't know. I prefer being a

guy, but I'm a girl? I'm attracted

to Max, but I'm in love with

Michelle? It's like I'm s'posed to

be both.

Her own admission surprises her.

LUCA (CONT'D)

Not too practical. But at least

now I know.

She almost laughs, sad, but relieved.

INT. POLLY WOG'S POOL HALL - LATE NIGHT

The place is cleared out, save for Polly cleaning up behind

the bar and Max, alone, shooting pool.

POLLY:

Girl trouble? Boy trouble?

Max shrugs.

POLLY (CONT'D)

How about we get a game in before

dawn?

89.

Max nods, sets up a new rack.

MAX:

What's the point? It never works

out. Or they just cheat on you

anyway.

POLLY:

Liverpool was a veritable shagfest

when I was your age. A boulevard

of broken hearts. But eventually,

I found him.

She sinks the cue ball in a corner pocket.

POLLY (CONT'D)

Scratch. Then he died.

MAX:

Sorry.

POLLY:

Everything reminded me of him. So,

I came here, half way round the

world to forget. Then created this

place, just like the one where we

met.

MAX:

He can't handle this. Us. He

can't handle who he is.

POLLY:

You being a guy too?

MAX:

Or him being a girl.

Polly's confused, but presses on.

POLLY:

Everyone's terrified. But once you

really know someone, and they know

you, it makes you whole.

MAX:

No one wants to know who I really

am.

POLLY:

You're so sure?

90.

MAX:

It's impossible. He was the one

person I thought could understand.

But no, it's impossible.

Max puts the cue stick down, and moves off. Polly calls

after,...

POLLY:

It's worth finding out.

EXT. ROAD RAGE GARAGE - LATE AFTERNOON

Max slides out from under an old car. Seeing Luca, he

hardens, wiping his greasy hands on a rag.

LUCA:

Hey.

MAX:

Hey.

LUCA:

I know she doesn't want to talk to

me. But do you know where I can

find her?

MAX:

New York. Left two days ago.

LUCA:

Oh, man. ...You're staying?

MAX:

Just 'til Friday.

Max returns to his work.

LUCA:

I wanted to apologize to her.

Forget it, I don't know,...

Obviously, nothing's gonna' ever be

with me and her, but I just wish

she knew how much I, -and that I

wasn't cheating, I was just trying

to be a man for her.

(laughs)

She'd have a field day with that

one, huh?

MAX:

True.

91.

LUCA:

If you talk to her, please just

tell her, I'm sorry, and I wish her

the best,... everything.

MAX:

Thanks.

Luca 'nods', not fully understanding Max's response.

LUCA:

I'm sorry. To you too.

MAX:

For what?

LUCA:

Mixed signals, I guess.

Max walks toward the back, then YELPS, wincing.

MAX:

Ow! Son-of-a-b*tch!

LUCA:

You all right?

MAX:

Stepped on a nail. Damn it!

Max sits on a crate, starts untying his boot.

MAX (CONT'D)

So, you gettin' used to this at

all?

LUCA:

I wish.

MAX:

You definitely had me confused.

LUCA:

For whatever it's worth. I think

you're a pretty hot guy.

MAX:

Thanks. But you're not interested?

LUCA:

Truth is, I am. And I guess it

sounds crazy, but I couldn't do

that to Michelle.

92.

Luca moves off, as Max removes his boot, and his sock.

MAX:

For whatever it's worth, I think

you're pretty hot too.

LUCA:

Thanks.

MAX:

Too bad you're a moron.

LUCA:

Excuse me?

MAX:

I have incontrovertible proof.

Luca stares at Max, and then down at his ankle, at the TATTOO

OF A GREEN BIRD.

Max meets her eyes,

and it finally dawns on Luca,

standing, in shock, and now putting it all together,

she LUNGES for him, nailing him to the ground, kissing him.

She RIPS Max's T-shirt as they fall to the asphalt, knocking

over oil cans.

Passion. Unbridled.

IN THE PARTS YARD

Luca manhandles Max, shoving him against a pile of huge

tires, as Max's face transforms...

BY OLD RADIATORS

Michelle slams back onto the crabgrass. She pulls Luca

toward her as Luca's face transforms into Luke.

BY DISCARDED TRUCK CHASSIS

Luke and Michelle roll on the crabgrass, kissing,

TRANSFORMING as they roll, into Luca and Max and Michelle and

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