Zoolander

Here in Malaysia, there is an almost

overwhelming sense of euphoria...

as the newly-elected prime minister

has given this nation hope...

promising to raise

the substandard minimum wage...

and end child labor

once and for all...

Already considered a living saint...

he has become this small country's

greatest hope...

for a thriving future

in the new millennium...

for a thriving future

in the new millennium...

Get closer, Jaco.

This is disgusting.

How could you let this happen?

I have negotiated

my butt off, Giorgio.

I've tried bribes, I've tried gifts.

I even sent him some pet oxen.

I mean, they love that crap

in Malaysia.

But he won't budge.

Listen, 50 percent of my inventory

is manufactured...

in sweatshops

on the Malaysian border.

Something has got to be done.

If Malaysia goes, what is next?

My entire panty line

is made in Vietnam.

We'll all go bankrupt

within a year.

The Malaysian must be

eliminated, Mugatu.

What? No, I don't

have time for this.

Perhaps you'd rather go back

to turning out novelty neckties.

But my new fall line is almost due.

And I trust you would like to live

to see your spring line as well?

The Malaysian prime minister

visits New York in 14 days.

Do it then.

Fourteen days? That's Fashion Week.

It's impossible! I have a show!

It's perfect. Invite him

to be your guest of honor.

That's not enough time.

It takes months to train an operative.

What about Fabio?

Too smart.

This is a rush job.

He's got to be extremely

dim-witted.

- You know the profile,Jacobim.

- A beautiful, self-absorbed...

simpleton who can be manipulated

and molded like Jell-O.

Or cookie dough.

- Or Play-Doh.

- Any kind of dough.

The point is,

we need an empty vessel...

a shallow, dumb, vacuous moron.

And when he's finished,

we'll dispose of him.

But who?

I mean, where in all of God's

green goodness...

am I gonna find someone

that beef-headed?

am I gonna find someone

that beef-headed?

Derek, I just have a few more

questions, if that's okay.

Cool.

So when did you know

you wanted to be a model?

It would have to be the first time

I went through the second grade.

I caught my reflection in a spoon

while I was eating my cereal...

and I remember thinking,

"Wow, you're ridiculously good-looking.

Maybe you could do that

for a career"

Do what?

- Be professionally good-looking.

- Right.

What would you say your

trademark is, if you have one?

Well, I guess the look

I'm best known for is Blue Steel.

What's that look like?

That's impressive.

And then there's Ferrari

and Le Tigre.

Le Tigre's a lot softer.

It's a bit more of a catalog look.

- I use it for footwear sometimes.

- Can I see that?

Look, without Derek Zoolander, male

modeling wouldn't be what it is.

He is a fashion icon.

So, do you spend a lot of time

working on these looks...

thinking about them?

Sure. I've been working on Magnum

for at least eight or nine years.

Magnum? That's intriguing.

Can I see that?

Are you kidding? I shouldn't

even be talking about it.

It's nowhere near ready.

It's almost like

there's a light around him...

He exudes beauty.

I think about Derek

every time I design a collection.

You may be familiar with the belief

that some aboriginal tribes hold.

It's the concept that a photo

might steal a part of your soul.

What are your thoughts on that...

as someone who gets his picture

taken for a living?

That Blue Steel look he does...

Oh, my Gosh, the style and the hair...

It's almost like the new afro for

the white man, but it's beautiful.

Well, I guess I would have to answer

your question with another question.

How many "abo-digitals"

do you see modeling?

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the

fashion industry's biggest night...

the VH1 Fashion Awards...

the VH1 Fashion Awards...

There he is, three-time

Male Model ofthe Year...

Derek Zoolander...

He's like music.

Proud owner of Blue Steel, the look

that made him the legend he now is...

He's almost too good-looking.

Hey, Paco!

That would be my main deterrent

in considering a relationship.

And that's who Derek Zoolander is

defending his title against tonight...

Hansel...

- Hansel, right here!

- All right, all right.

The rookie sensation

who has burned his way...

into the eye sockets

ofthe fashion world...

and left them clawing

their faces for more...

Mugatu sucks!

Support the prime minister!

Mugatu uses slave labor!

Down with Mugatu!

You hate to see something like that

at an event like this...

Ugly protesters

bothering beautiful people.

There's no denying Jacobim Mugatu

has used cheap Malaysian workers...

to make his and most

of the garment industry's clothes...

Hey, Steve, how are you doing?

You're going for your fourth

Male Model of the Year award.

- Are you nervous?

- I have butterflies in my basket...

but I think I'm doing okay.

We also hear you're working on a new

look. Can you tell us about it?

Actually, I can't, Steve,

because it's not yet perfected.

But I can tell you

that it's called Magnum and...

Shut, baby, shut!

If I tell you anything else,

this guy's gonna kill me.

Got that right.

How are you doing, Steven?

- Maury Ballstein, Balls Models.

- A man who needs no introduction.

Maury, you've handle every important

male model for the last 30 years.

- Derek's chances tonight?

- Let me tell you something.

Nobody can touch Derek.

Nobody! I gotta get inside.

I'm "shvitzing" like a "shmedrik"

with all these lights.

Are you worried about Hansel?

Not as much

as I'm worried about Gretel.

Hey, put that Hansel and Gretel

line in your article.

I want people to know

how funny I can be.

Oh, believe me, they'll know.

It hits newsstands tomorrow.

Excuse me, Mr. Mugatu.

Mr. Mugatu, Matilda Jeffries.

Time magazine.

Any comment on Prime Minister

Hassan's wage increases...

for Malaysian garment workers?

- No, he has no comment.

Let him speak for himself. Would you

like to see the prime minister...

out of power so you can continue

exploiting cheap Malaysian workers?

Hey, Mugatu! Screw you

and your little dog too!

Look out!

She's got an egg!

Oh, my God! Let go of me!

Yes!

Wow.

I just can't tell you how much

this means to me...

to be the first recipient

of this beautiful award.

We have a serious problem

on our hands, Maury.

This Malaysian thing

is getting out of hand.

I hear you,Jaco.

What this, the Slashie, mean...

is you consider me

the best actor slash model...

and not the otherway around.

His proposed wage increase

could ruin all of us.

I need it taken care of soon.

I have people to answer to.

Now to the important stuff.

These ain't no slashes, folks...

These are the pure breeds...

Here are the nominees

for Male Model of the Year...

Young, hot, brash...

With more covers in his first year

than any rookie model ever...

and an attitude that says,

"Wiho cares? It's only fashion..."

That Hansel's so hot ri ght now.

I hear a lot of words

like "beauty"and "handsomeness"...

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