Zotz!

---

Zotz!

Zotz?

What's Zotz?

One.

Two.

Three.

Uncle Jonathan.

Morning,

Uncle Jonathan.

Morning, darling.

Poison. Slow death.

Yes, but what

a way to go.

Straight sauerkraut juice!

How do you do it?

Very bracing.

You must try it sometime.

How's the wheat germ?

Sounds good.

Superb.

Oh, that must be the

mailman. No, I'll get it.

I'm expecting a journal of the

American Etymological Society.

Anything for me?

Just a postcard from your vacationing

parents. Hey, Venice, very pretty.

Nothing from Eddie?

Eddie? Who's Eddie?

You know very well who

Eddie is. Eddie Prentiss.

One of your brightest

pupils last term.

Prentiss. Prentiss.

The boy who won a fellowship and went on

an archaeological expedition to Uk... Uk...

Uh, Ukranistan?

Yes. That is from Eddie.

Only teasing you, darling.

Oh, look, a present.

It's a charm bracelet.

Mmm, it's very pretty. What

does Prentiss have to say?

Just a lot of personal

stuff. You know.

I know.

But he says

he'll be home soon.

They found the ruins

they were looking for.

Mmm. Excellent.

In fact, the charm on the

bracelet is some ancient coin

he found in a temple

they uncovered there.

It was attached to the right hand

of a gigantic stone idol, he says.

It's a relic from some ancient

civilization. Isn't that exciting?

Mmm.

"Shesh, shash. "

Shesh, shash.

Jones!

Morning, Kellgore.

You almost ran me down.

Oh, I'm very sorry.

But I didn't, did I?

No, but you came

awfully close.

Please accept my apologies,

old man. Shesh, shash.

Uh, what'd you say?

What? Say? Oh, nothing,

Kellgore, nothing.

Well, it sounded like

you said "shesh, shash. "

Oh, yes, I did.

Quite right.

Yes. Shesh, shash.

Morning, Kellgore.

Morning, Jones.

Good morning.

Good morning,

Professor.

Yesterday, we considered the

transmutation of certain words

from the Assyro Babylonic.

And we noted that the Assyro

Babylonic word for house, bitu,

appears in the

classical Hebrew as...

As what, Mr. Crane?

Uh, bayeth.

Well, almost right, Mr. Crane.

Thank you.

The correct pronunciation

is bayeth.

And who can tell us what form

the word takes in Aramaic?

Yes, Miss Blakiston?

Baytha.

Quite right, Miss Blakiston.

Thank you.

You could build a

tremendous edifice of error

based on the fact that the Hebrew

and Sanskrit words for "six"

are almost identical,

although wholly unrelated.

They are, if I may remind

you, shesh and shash.

Shesh, shash?

Uh, yes, sir. Right in the middle of

the campus, this morning. Shesh, shash.

Professor Kellgore, I don't

think we need worry ourselves.

Professor Jones is a very brilliant man

in the field of ancient Eastern languages,

as you are brilliant in the field

of modern European languages.

I think we can allow him a

few little peculiarities, hmm?

Sir, I'm sure that Professor Jones

is excellent in the classroom.

Well, then?

But his executive ability...

Could Saracen Valley

have a dean of language

who goes around

muttering "shesh, shash"?

Hmm. Well, I haven't

retired yet, Professor,

nor have I named

my successor.

It's still a choice between

you and Professor Jones.

Then you haven't

decided yet?

Not yet.

Then you'll take this "shesh,

shash" matter under consideration?

Oh, I will, I will.

Thank you, Professor.

Good morning.

Good morning, Dean.

Good morning.

Shesh, shash.

Uncle Jonathan?

Yes.

How was your day?

Oh, fine.

What's for dinner?

Filet of eggplant?

Filet of eggplant.

Medium rare?

Of course.

Ah!

Mmm.

Oh, pass the

monosodium glutamate, please.

Thank you.

Say, you know, dear, he really

shouldn't have sent this to you.

That's rightfully

the property of...

Why, it's Astyparaean!

Asty what?

Hey, that's mine.

Yes, yes, I know.

But if you don't...

It's from Eddie.

It's like a fraternity pin

or an engagement ring.

But you don't

understand, darling.

That inscription is in the

ancient Astyparaean language.

Am I supposed to

know what that is?

It's a language that's been

dead for over 5,000 years.

Why, there are only 10 men in the world

who can identify it, much less translate it.

And I can.

But...

Now, look, dear, maybe this

inscription is an ancient love poem.

Something Eddie would

want you to hear, hmm?

Well...

Ah, yes, of course.

"First graspeth thou the

sacred disk in thy left hand.

"Now cometh the

letting of, letting of... "

Letting of...

Blood, of course.

"Letting of blood.

"And the drinking...

Drinking of blood. "

"Now remaineth

only the pronouncing

"of the sacred...

"Sacred name of

the great god, Zotz!"

No! Please! Please!

Let me in!

Please! You can't leave me out

in this storm. Not like this.

Put this on quickly!

Oh. Thanks.

You're welcome.

Now, please go.

Like this?

Well, you can't stay here.

But I have to. It's the most amazing

thing that's ever happened to me.

I'm not going to embarrass you by asking

you how you got into this condition.

After all, I'm

a man of the world.

I was struck by lightning.

You were what?

Well, I was hurrying along, trying

to beat out this sudden storm, when...

Well, I think I was

struck by lightning.

Mmm. I have heard of cases

where people were struck

by lightning and had their clothes

torn off without hurting them.

Usually these people were

branded by the mark of the bolt.

I seem to be all right.

Oh, I'm glad to hear it.

But you can't stay here.

I mean, I'm a bachelor. I don't

have a wife. I'm not married.

Well, what can I do?

Do? What can

you do? I don't... My niece!

I'll wake her up. Uh, no.

She might think... I mean, not that

she'd have any real... I mean...

I'll go upstairs and get some of

her clothes. They'll probably fit.

I think you're about the same

size. Anyway, you wait right here.

Oh, I will. I will.

Uncle Jonathan?

Oh, it's all right, dear.

Go back to sleep.

Well, what...

Nothing. Just let it go.

There. Now, please go!

Well, can I put

them on first?

Oh, oh, yes, of course.

I'll, uh, turn my back.

Oh, thanks.

You haven't asked

me my name.

No, I haven't. Uh, I thought

it was better that way.

I agree.

Do they, uh, fit?

Most of them.

The shoes are

a little big, and the...

Something else is a little

small, but I'll get by.

What? Oh, yes.

You can turn around now.

Will I do?

Well, at least

you won't be cold.

I want to thank you.

Not only for what you did,

but for what

you're going to do.

Going to do?

Forget about this. Oh, yes,

yes, of course. Of course.

Oh, you'd better

take this with you.

Oh. Oh, no, it's stopped.

It has?

Why, so it has. Odd.

"So foul and fair

a day I have not seen. "

That's Shakespeare.

Macbeth, Act One, I know.

You do?

Uh-huh.

Well.

Good night.

Uh, good night.

Macbeth. Act One.

And there are other basic affinities

in the languages of this group.

For example, in all of

them, ancient and modern,

masculine nouns take a feminine number,

and vice versa, from three to 10.

Who can give us an example of

this grammatical idiosyncrasy?

Yes, Mr. Crane?

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