Zotz! Page #2

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Are you all right, Mr. Crane?

Would you like to be excused?

Uh, no. I'm all right now.

Uh, it must have

been something I ate.

Uh, an example. The word

for "goat," for instance, is

masculine, but three

goats is feminine.

Oh, very good, Mr. Crane.

That's quite right.

And now, who can tell us in

what parts of the modern world

the Turkish

language is spoken?

Yes, Miss Blakiston.

Actually, although

it's not generally known,

Osmanli is the head of a

large family of tongues.

The Turkish language in its several

dialects is spoken from Central Persia to...

Is something wrong,

Professor Jones?

Uh, wrong? Oh, no, no,

Miss Blakiston.

From Central

Persia to Siberia.

The dialects sometimes

differ greatly.

For example...

Uh, that's fine,

Miss Blakiston, thank you.

But I haven't finished.

Class dismissed.

"Thus is gained

the ancient threefold power,

"the first part

of which is that

"of the pointing finger,

"known as the power

of the sudden pain. "

The sudden pain.

My goodness.

"The second part

of which is that

"of the uttered name,

"known as the power

"of retarded movement. "

Zotz!

Mercy sakes.

"The third and last part

of which is that of the

"pointing finger and the

uttered name together. "

Well...

Zotz!

The silent death.

"He who holdeth this

sacred disk shall be

"imbued with this dreaded

threefold power

"only so long as it remains

in his possession.

"And should it pass into

the hands of another,

"that other will

hold the power

"for a short time only. "

Hmm.

Zotz!

Good afternoon, Jones.

Oh, hello, Kellgore.

Uh, what have you got there?

It looks like a lizard.

Lizard? Where? Oh, this.

Oh, this lizard. Oh, yes.

Yes, a remarkable

example of saurian life.

Yes, direct descendant

of the dinosaur.

Is that so? I didn't know you were

interested in that sort of thing.

Oh, yes. Yes, indeed.

Fascinating subject.

Mmm. You don't say.

Oh, incidentally, Jones, I suppose you've

met our new colleague, Professor Fenster?

No, I haven't. What's

Professor Fenster's field?

Modern European languages,

or so I'm told.

Why, that's your field.

Yes, it is. One might almost

think they're considering,

what do you call it?

Kicking me upstairs.

Yeah. Or downstairs.

Yes. Well, toodle-oo, Jones.

Have fun with your dinosaur.

Toodle-oo.

Zotz!

Extraordinary!

Zo...

Professor Jones,

are you feeling all right?

Yes, sir,

never better. Yes.

I understand you dismissed

your class early today?

Why, yes, yes. I gave them a

heavy assignment for the weekend.

I thought I'd better let them get

to the library before it closed.

But the library is open

until 8:
00 tonight.

8:
00? Oh, yes, so it is. Yes. Hard

to keep up with these new rules.

That rule's been in effect

ever since 1918. But no matter.

I'm glad I ran across you.

I want to invite you for cocktails

this evening in my lodgings.

Oh, how nice.

I want you and the other members of

the faculty to meet a new colleague.

Oh, Professor Fenster?

Oh, then you've met?

No, no.

Oh, well, in that case,

may we expect you at 6:00?

Oh, yes, yes, indeed.

Yes, sir.

Excellent. Splendid.

Oh, and, Professor?

Yes, Dean.

Don't work too hard.

Zotz!

Amazing.

Uncle Jonathan.

Better hurry if you're going to

make that cocktail party at 6:00.

Yeah. Would you get me that

package on my bureau, darling?

What's in it?

Oh, just some things I

bought downtown. Thank you.

I won't be here when you

get back, so don't wait up.

You have a date?

Uh-huh. Jimmy.

Jimmy who?

Jimmy Kellgore.

He's not much, but he'll

do till Eddie gets home.

Jimmy Kellgore!

Horatio Kellgore's boy?

Yes. Oh, it's not serious or

anything like that. It's just a date.

Not a date, date.

But Kellgore's son.

Oh, Jimmy's all right. Kind of

a wolf, but I can handle him.

Zotz!

Zotz!

Zotz!

You'd better hurry,

Uncle Jonathan.

All right, I'm coming.

Cynthia, baby. Well,

are you all ready to go?

Anytime you are.

Okay.

Ah, Professor Jones. How nice of

you to come. Will you have a martini?

Oh, no, thank you, sir.

Uh, I don't suppose you

have any sauerkraut juice?

Why, no, I don't think.

Uh, my... Persephone? Yes?

Do we happen to have

any sauerkraut juice?

Sauerkraut juice?

I don't think so.

Oh, perhaps we could get

you a soft drink, Professor?

That would be fine,

Mrs. Updike.

Take Hercules for a

moment, please, Joshua.

And get rid of that pipe. You

know it makes Hercules ill.

There we are.

Thank you, Mrs. Updike.

Get rid of that pipe.

Uh, yes, thanks. Will you take

Hercules? Thank you so much.

Professor, if you

only knew how much

the dean and I admire your

abstinence from strong drink,

your sensible diet,

your devotion to exercise.

As the ancients said,

Mens sana in corpore sano.

Oh, yes, indeed.

I think of you as one of the great

and classic educators of yore.

Plato, Aristotle,

in flowing robes, stately,

sober, dignified.

Roaming the groves of academe,

dispensing wisdom and knowledge.

And now, please come and meet

the new member of our faculty.

Professor Fenster, I'd like you

to meet Professor Jonathan Jones,

ancient Eastern languages.

Glad to meet you,

Professor Jones.

I...

Charmed.

Joshua.

Yes, my dear.

Please take Hercules.

Yes, a pleasure.

There we are. Now

you'll excuse me, please.

Oh, certainly.

Yes. Of course.

By George, that's

a beautiful cat.

Yes, isn't it?

He loves strangers.

Would you like to hold him?

Uh...

Dean?

Let me get this straight.

You are Professor Fenster?

Well, my friends

call me Virginia.

And to think you're

the famous Jonathan Jones.

Oh, well, not so famous.

Not so famous?

Why, everybody in the field is

familiar with your doctorate thesis

on the transmutation of the Latin

"F" to "B" in Teutonic languages.

Well, that was

quite a while ago.

And I simply devoured

your latest book.

Really? The Semantics of

Dionysius of Halicarnassus?

Yes. I could hardly

put it down.

Well. But I thought your field was modern

languages, like Professor Kellgore's.

Oh, well, it is.

Oh.

But I've also studied

ancient Eastern languages.

Like me.

Like you.

I see.

Very interesting. Very.

Uh, tell me, of these two

specialties, Professor Fenster...

Virginia.

Virginia.

Of these two specialties, Virginia,

which will you utilize here?

Well, I wish I knew. The dean told me I

was to prepare myself for either course.

He said he has an

important decision to make.

But really, Professor Jones...

Jonathan.

Jonathan.

Really, I think it's so fascinating to

meet the author of those wonderful books.

You can teach

me so much.

I warn you, you're going

to see a lot of me.

Yes, well, I've already

seen a lot of you, Virginia.

You were going to forget all

about that, remember?

Ah, forgive me.

I stand corrected.

Then those charming translations

of the French fabliau were yours?

Yes. I loved doing them.

I loved reading them.

Been hunting any

dinosaurs lately, Jones?

Not lately.

What on earth did

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