Smokey and the Bandit II Page #3

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- Where do you think we need to go?

- Miami.

Ride, country cowboy, ride

The open highway is your range

Ten-four little buckaroo

And happy trails to you

Ride, country cowboy, ride

Now you're the Bandit on the run

Not a bad guy just havin' fun

Still ridin' hard

Beneath those western skies

If there's an ambush up ahead

And you see smokey's lights flashin' red

Remember Trigger and me will be

By your side

So ride, country cowboy, ride

Bet that smokey can't handle

the legendary Bandit...

just driving along at old double nickel.

Maybe he doesn't know

who the legendary Bandit is.

Doubtful.

I'm what you call your "basic famous."

- "Basic famous."

- Bandit!

Hey, Bandit! Hi!

- Gotta be careful of women like that.

- Yeah?

They start off,

they just want your autograph.

Next, they wanna tear your clothes off.

Then they want your body.

- You're kidding?

- No, I wouldn't kid about a thing like that.

You don't joke about

people taking your clothes off.

No. Golly, it must be hard.

- What?

- Being a superstar.

I'll tell you something. Sometimes it's hell.

- Is it?

- Yeah.

I don't know. You feel like a freak.

Probably.

You know, I've been thinking...

and I'd rather just have your autograph.

- As opposed to what?

- Ripping your clothes off.

Why?

I've seen you with your clothes off,

remember?

Of course I remember.

It ain't no big deal.

I swear I'm gonna break the camera,

with my hair in rollers like this.

Hell, it's worth it...

getting your picture took

with a living legend.

- Bo, it's awful hot out here.

- I'll be right with you, honey.

Take your time. I understand completely.

I think I'd like one of those pictures

for myself...

wallet-size, with a glossy finish,

the scalloped edges.

I wanna remember this moment forever.

Hold still. Say "cheese."

- Cheese.

- Thank you.

- Bye, gals.

- Thanks.

I could die right here.

- Bye!

- Bye, Bandit!

- Howdy.

- What do you boys need?

We're here to pick up a crate.

Do you have a crate number 1444?

Got it right here.

Right in between number 1443...

- ...and 1445.

- Good place.

You want to go down to the first building

on the right...

and hook a left.

- First dock on the left.

- Right.

- No, left. You wanna go down here--

- Sir?

That's all right. We'll find it. Thank you.

Okay, that's all right. Hold it, boys.

I can't let you take that crate.

- What do you mean?

- I just checked my records...

and that crate's quarantined

for another three weeks.

Quarantined? You mean,

the crate's got the measles or something?

You gotta be kidding.

Ain't no place in the security business

for kidding.

Just hold on there a minute, chief.

Let me explain something to you.

We have to have that crate in Texas

in three days.

- Hell, I suppose you could take the crate.

- Great.

But it's just that you'll have to leave

what's in it here for three weeks.

As I told you,

it's been quarantined for three weeks.

Bo, would you keep your hands

to yourself?

Hurry up. The sun's coming up.

Creeping around in a warehouse.

We're going to jail, that's where we're going.

- I'm going home.

- Turn the damn light on.

- I ain't got the light.

- I got it.

Give me the light, would you?

- Find the number.

- I can't get--

- Is burglary always this much fun?

- Find the number on the crate.

I'm looking.

There ain't no numbers! Here's a number.

- "1442."

- All right. We're getting close.

Come on.

Wait, here. "1445." We're hot.

- Well, it's gotta be--

- Hey, here it is.

- "1443."

- Give me that.

"1443." "1445."

- You see, 1444 should be right here.

- Bo?

- What?

- Shine the light up there.

"1444."

Oh, sh*t!

You mind telling me how come they paint

the number of our crate...

up here on the side of the building?

Well, it's a crate acting like a building.

I was afraid you were gonna say that.

You wanna tell me something?

How we gonna get that thing on the truck?

- Have you seen the size of this crate?

- Yeah.

It's gonna take one hell of a forklift.

Tell you right now,

I won't be able to keep up my end.

Enos said it would fit in the truck.

The man's a chronic liar. I'm alone.

- Listen, hold the light.

- Hold the light?

For goodness' sake. It's just a crate.

Shamu!

Let's go check for the bones.

Probably broken every bone

in his body.

Hey, Bo?

Come on. Quite a ride, huh?

She caught me off guard,

or I would've rode her the full ten seconds.

Bo, that was incredible.

You saved my life. It was totally unselfish.

It weren't nothing.

I saw the elephant coming for you...

so I jumped in front of you,

pulled you out of the way--

The elephant hurt her foot.

- Then the elephant what?

- I'm sorry.

- Look. She hurt her foot.

- Who gives a turkey about her foot?

I could've broke my back in there.

Sweetheart.

- You hurt her foot.

- I didn't!

You did.

All it was, was this little splinter

which was stuck in her foot.

Easy, girl.

- Cute couple, aren't they?

- Yeah, they are.

Kind of reminds me of my Aunt Charlotte.

Smells like her, too.

How rude.

Now, Charlotte,

don't you listen to any of that.

Now that you've got a hold of Charlotte--

I don't have a hold of Charlotte.

She's got hold of me.

Whatever. Why don't you both

mosey to the truck...

get on, we'll get out,

and won't get into trouble.

Let go of me, Charlotte.

Thank you.

- Open the door, Cledus.

- Okay. I'd like to see this.

I'm coming, too.

I'm behind the whole troop here.

Bringing up the rear, so to speak.

Move out. Move it out!

Come on, Charlotte.

Come on.

Steady.

Now, let's see here.

You got any ideas?

Well?

Sure. I could just tell Charlotte

to get in the truck.

- Good.

- Do that.

Charlotte, get in the truck.

Go on. Get in your house.

Come on. Get in your house.

Good girl. That's a girl!

How the heck are we ever gonna

get her out of there?

I'm just gonna tell her to turn around.

He's just gonna talk a little elephant there.

Charlotte, turn around. Come on.

Turn around, babe. Come on. Yeah.

I can turn them on, but I can't turn them off.

Hi, Buford.

Hello, you handsome sumbitch.

Hi, Junior.

- Hi, Carrie.

- Shut up, you sh*t.

You barrel of monkey nuts.

Well, as you can see, Bandit...

I got my piece in my hand.

- You got your what in your hand?

- Don't get funny, Bandit.

If you make one move,

I'm gonna put a hole...

right between those gorgeous brown eyes.

I don't think you're that good a shot.

Are you kidding?

Do you realize that at one time...

I won the marksmanship

championship award...

from "Swollen Groin" Gatsell?

I don't believe you!

Do you see those three lights over there?

Watch this.

That's pretty good shooting.

But I'd really be convinced...

if you could shoot that weathervane

over yonder.

That's a baby-piss shot.

That was good shooting. I gotta admit that.

Of course,

them targets weren't moving. Now...

He's only got two more shots.

Give me the bottles.

- Give me your gun, Junior.

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