$50K and a Call Girl: A Love Story Page #2

about videotaping, so... just...

- Sorry.

- Yeah.

- Totally sorry.

- No, no problem.

Um, so it's off?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- Yeah.

Well, um, so...

uh, so is it for you or...?

- What?

- Is it for you or...

Yeah, do you want to-uh, no,

I'm not, I'm not a customer.

It's my-it's-it's

someone else.

- Um, uh...

- What do I...?

- Yeah, you have to pay up front.

- I ha-have the money. Yeah.

- Yeah, it makes sense. Um.

- Otherwise...

...it's 200, you said?

- Uh, three.

- 300, okay. Sh*t, I'm sorry.

- It's okay.

Uh, could we do it ins...

...could we do it inside?

- God.

- What was that?

- Bow-chicka-wow-wow.

- No.

No, just stop. Um...

- What is he doing?

Everything is going to be okay.

You're gonna be fine.

- Is it really?

- Yeah.

Yes, yeah.

Everything's gonna be fine.

Everyone's gonna be fine.

It's gonna be okay.

- Thanks.

Is your name

really Lamborghini?

Do you think

my name's really Lamborghini?

No.

What is it?

It's Carly.

Yeah, I was gonna go

with Ford Fiesta but

I don't know if

that was sexy enough.

People really weren't

responding to it.

You know,

you're actually very funny.

I have my moments.

So I just paid 300 dollars

for my brother to cry

in the lap of a prostitute.

Speed.

- Is that on?

Yeah.

I'm shooting everything now.

I'm not putting the camera

down for the rest of his life.

Okay,

but I don't have to be in it.

- Okay.

- Okay?

- Yeah.

- Thank you.

- What's up?

- Nothing.

Lauren's getting ready to go.

So, I thought

I'd just wake you up.

How are we... gonna line the

streets for a parade for her?

F***ing time is it?

Uh. I don't know, what

time is it?

It's quarter to...

...nine in the a.m.

- I feel like death.

- Pun intended.

There she is.

- Good morning.

There she is.

to hear about your news.

It's fine. I just, uh... lets

not give all the quotes

in the brochure, let's

just... not think about it.

- Right. What's this?

- That is the list.

- "F*** It List."

- Yep.

What's this one

that's crossed out?

F*** a hooker. Uh... Actually,

I changed my mind last night.

Did you really?

- Seth?

- What?

- Sorry, Seth.

That's okay.

I was thinking you were

gonna empty your balls

but you emptied your heart

and that was special.

I'm a little bit confused.

But I feel like, we're just

gonna look at the list

Um... "Quit my job."

- Yep.

Which is gonna be,

like, piece of cake.

But something I'm really

gonna take pride in.

This will be my last

tour of Hollywood.

F*** you, Hollywood Fun Tours!

I've been in competition

with you for years!

You having a good time today,

where are you from?

Asia? I love it there,

I love it there.

There is a place on Melrose,

it's a flip-over place

where they only do fronts,

if you give an extra

20 dollars.

After this whole sh*t is over,

let's go together.

Ladies and gentlemen,

we we have

a rare treat today.

That's

Courtney Cox's landscaper.

These are

the real celebrities, people.

- "Go skydiving."

Yep. We booked it.

- We booked it already.

- Wednesday.

- I don't know if I can...

- Wednesday afternoon.

I don't know if I could do it.

- Then, uh...

- You don't have to do it.

All right.

Um, "see the Grand Canyon."

Oh, my God, I never been

to the Grand Canyon.

- Really?

- Uh-huh, never.

- I didn't know that.

- That's amazing!

Wait, um, I'm sure it's going

to be but why do you keep

looking at him as if you're

gonna go on the trip with us?

- I told you she was...

- ... I thought I was going.

...I told you she was going.

You said she was going

skydiving, she's not...

- ... No.

- ... going on the entire trip.

You know what,

if-if we're gonna couple up,

then I'm gonna take

the call girl.

You can't bring

a hooker with us on a...

...Why can't I bring a hooker

with us, she's really cool.

Please don't bring

a prostitute on this trip.

- Why not?

- Because it's just nasty.

Baby, he's joking.

- No, no...

- ... He is?

- ... No, Seth, I'm not joking.

If you guys are going together,

then I'm going

to bring a f***ing call girl.

- Please don't!

- Why?

They're just like

a porn movie every day.

"Fall in love

and get married."

Okay, no,

that one I was kidding about.

Like, obviously... I'm not...

I'm dying in a f***ing month!

Yeah, I'm gonna get married

and start a 401k

and have some grandkids.

Maybe even settle down,

Midwest.

I didn't have any more

space to fill on that thing.

Baby.

- What?

Please, please,

be nicer to him.

I am trying, but, ugh!

A prostitute?

"yeah,

I think it's a good idea."

It's so annoying.

- All rules are off.

- All rules are off? All

rules are off, he's dying.

To put something on the

bucket list, it's McGriddles.

If you can grab maybe four of

those and some hash browns,

it would be awesome.

They're not-I mean,

I would have to do it

after work.

"THE LIGHTS HAVE GONE OUT"]

So, anyways,

Seth is coming, who you met.

His fiancee, Lauren is coming,

and the reason why I brought

you here is I was wondering

if you would want to go too?

On the road trip?

- Yes.

- With you guys?

- With all of us.

And maybe a couple

of camera crew guys.

They're gonna shoot

a documentary

the last three days

of my life, whatever.

What's in it for me?

- Uh... I don't know, five grand?

- Ten grand.

I pull, like, two grand a week.

You're gonna be

taking me away from that.

Look, I'll tell you this.

I'll give you five grand now,

and when I die you get my car.

- Your car?

- Yes.

What kind of car is it?

Jesus, it's, uh,

2002 Chevy Tahoe.

It's got a

Spanish-language GPS in it.

You're gonna be... that's just

you, you're gonna have it.

If... I did this, which I'm not

saying I'm going to...

...there would have to be

rules.

Like a hooker handbook?

Yeah, like a hooker handbook.

You haven't seen Pretty Woman?

Please.

Tell me you've seen

Pretty Woman

and don't be an a**hole.

- I've seen Pretty Woman.

- Okay, so you know.

Rule number one:

No kissing on the lips.

If you want to kiss anywhere

else, that's your deal.

And number two:

I get paid up front.

All right, fine. If you

have rules, I have rules.

Oh, yeah,

like what?

Like... no talking about death

or dying or disease

or anything like that.

I already know what's

in store for me,

re-hashing every single day,

okay?

Um, I'm gonna lose my vision,

pretend I'm drunk.

I'm going to... lose my balance,

pretend I'm drunk.

I'm gonna vomit, like a lot.

- Pretend you're drunk, okay.

- Exactly.

Easy.

For the next four to six weeks

or however long it is

I have on this Earth,

your job is to make me feel

as normal as possible.

You in?

- Yeah. F*** it.

Why was

I filming our journey?

Was I trying to preserve every

last second of Ross's life?

Was I pretending that what

was happening wasn't real?

So, your, uh,

your girl over there.

Now, what's her name?

- Carly?

Carly, yeah, is she, uh,

is she paid for, right?

- Yeah, uh, what do you mean?

- You know what I mean, man.

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