$50K and a Call Girl: A Love Story Page #6

I don't like

seeing this side of you.

What side of me?

You're turning his death

into your little project.

You're so f***ing wrong.

This is his idea.

- Yeah, he's the one...

- ... Are you sure?

He wanted to do this.

'Cause I seem to recall when

we first started planning

that you'd rather spend the

money on making a movie.

- I was kidding.

- Really?

'Cause that's what

we're doing right now.

What a crazy coincidence.

I mean, is Ross even sick?

He looks fine.

F*** you!

"WHEN THE SAINTS GO MARCHING IN"...]

Get your f***ing camera

out of my face.

Lauren wanted to stay out.

I wanted to go home.

Ross handed me the keys.

How had it come to this?

Am-Am I provoking her?

Is that...?

I think you're provoking her.

The next day, she was gone.

I wanted to talk to Ross

but how could I burden him

with my problems when his

were so much heavier?

How's it going?

Oh, look at your little doggy.

- How you doing?

- I'm alright.

What's wrong?

I don't know.

I'm just...

You okay?

I'm really f***ing scared.

Sh*t, man.

I just can't stop

f***ing thinking about it.

Halfway through Arkansas,

the pain got so bad

that Ross had checked himself

into the emergency room

overnight to get more pills.

And a much-needed spongebath.

- How's he doing?

- Better now.

His dick was really dirty.

Is that elephant tusk?

Yeah.

Do you think a cane

would be better or a walker?

Really?

I don't know, man,

it's up to you.

How do you feel?

- I want a f***ing cane,

I'm not gonna spend the rest

of my life in a goddamn walker.

- I know, but is it gonna work?

- Is it gonna be enough?

'Cause I'm getting wasted

so I won't be able to...

help ya.

Really?

I'm just...

...Really? In this time?

I'm just joking.

Let's get this one.

The campy one?

All right.

Hey, Ross?

We should get you some...

...Depends.

...Some diapers. If that's

cool.

Will you get them for me? I

don't want to buy those.

Okay.

All right, first one

to piss themselves wins.

Got it.

I'm peeing right now.

No, you aren't.

I'm...

I'm peeing.

Are you really?

Yeah.

Jesus Christ.

Oh, my God.

Is it working?

Is it holding it?

I feel like I'm peeing all

over the bed.

You might be.

I hope I'm not.

Oh!

That felt really-yeah, I won.

That felt really weird.

I feel like I'm sitting in my

pee.

Staring at me like I'm on

Toddlers And Tiaras?

Oh, are you like...

Is this a thing for you?

It's nice, ay?

Yeah.

- Pretty f***ing cool.

Should we wake up Ross?

- No, let's let him sleep.

- Okay.

Seth, I think... I think we

should take him to a doctor.

No, I think he's been to

enough doctors at this point.

Well... I've been doing some

research and I have this

friend who's a radiology

oncologist whatever and...

...he was talking to me about

this experimental treatment

with stem cells

and I feel like... maybe...

like Ross

could be eligible for that...

- ... Look.

- ... Or if they just talked.

- ... Look, listen, listen.

- ... Or...

...Ross isn't

going back in the hospital.

He's already

made up his mind about that.

All right?

It's just, what if he

changes his mind, you know?

Like, if we just

take him back to L.A....

...We're not

going back to L.A.

I got something awesome planned

for us in Ohio.

It's part of his list.

It's just, what if we both

talked to him and tell him

what it is and see if he

wants to try it!

Listen, Carly, no offense,

don't take this personally,

but for the last two years

me and Ross have tried

every f***ing treatment

available to mankind,

all right?

Do you get that?

Everything.

And all of the sudden,

...Listen! You come along,

a prostitute, right?

Who's known Ross for two weeks

and you got some former john

with some life-saving

experimental treatment you

want him to roll the dice on.

No!

Like, look, no thank you.

We're gonna take

a pass on that, all right?

We hired you to do a job.

To keep Ross happy.

You get that? This is not gonna

keep Ross happy.

So, do your f***ing job,

okay, or go home!

Let's go check

out the f***ing view.

Whoo!

One, two, three, four!

Look, they all created Facebook.

Those Winklevii

are some strong rowers.

I want you

to do something for me.

Sure.

After you die,

I want you to let me know

if there's anything

afterwards, okay?

Just I'm gonna-I'm gonna

take a pottery class.

And when I'm spinning the clay,

I want you to come up behind

me and I want you to, uh,

I want to feel you inside me.

I just want

you-I just want you there.

- You want me to Swayze you?

- I want you to Swayze me.

Could you do that for me?

Could you do it?

- Yeah.

Yeah, I'll Swayze you.

- You'll Swayze me?

Yeah.

Yeah, I think we're having

this great heart-to-heart

brother and brother moment...

- ... We are!

...And then you

ask me to Swayze you.

I'm very serious about that.

I...Yeah!

I-I-I'm seriously saying yes.

I will.

I-you will be my Demi Moore.

F***ing dick!

Come on, man.

Let's go.

Put your arm over me.

Let's go.

All right, welcome, welcome,

welcome, welcome, welcome, everybody.

You're probably wondering

who the f*** am I?

I-I'm just a guy who really

loves his brother

and wanted to throw him one last

big, "f*** it all" party!

Let me introduce to you

guys, my brother, Ross.

Thank you.

I can't believe you did this for

me, I love you brother.

Tonight... get weird!

F*** a stranger.

Don't drink responsibly!

Don't do the walk of shame because

it's not the walk of shame

if you have a clean pair of

panties in your purse

and you're not ashamed about it.

I know you're not!

I know you're not!

And without further ado,

please welcome

Mr. I-Love-College himself,

Asher Roth.

Let's go, baby!

Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh!

If you have a hand, would you

please put it in the air?

Shout out to that

motherfuckin' Ross.

F***ing Ross is dying and he came here

tonight to hang out with you guys.

Just let it be known man, I love

you motherfuckers, all right?

What's going on, Carly?

You okay?

Yeah, f*** him!

Why?

F*** him.

- Why?

'Cause he says

all this f***ing sh*t.

But do you think that maybe that

has to do with his tumor?

He's confused.

He's got a f***ing brain tumor.

You expect him to just be like,

normal Ross.

I'm not expecting him

to be anything.

It's gonna get worse.

Are you gonna stick around

when it gets worse?

Do you have a lighter?

See, this is what it means to be

in it for the long haul, Carly.

You don't have a lighter?

You don't have a lighter?

Do you guys have a lighter?

Does anyone have a lighter?!

Jesus Christ!

What's wrong?

Remember that guy?

The doctor...

- Yeah.

- ...client or whatever?

What about him?

I called him a couple days ago.

Why would you call him?

Just listen, I was talking

to him about you...

and so I told him about

your diagnosis and...

he was saying they might be

able to do this...

clinical trial that

he's working on...

- Jesus Christ.

- ...and I guess they use like stem cells

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