$50K and a Call Girl: A Love Story Page #5

with your marriage, that's all.

I'm saying,

that's all I'm saying!

No, that's terrible.

That's terrible!

That was good, though.

- Yeah.

- It was funny.

It is really deep and big.

- Let's go.

- Yeah.

Sweetie. Babe.

So, if you mess with Texas,

you get laid off

with one warning.

The second time

you mess with Texas,

obviously you get raped.

I'm booking a job

for when I get back.

You look really sweaty.

What are all these

people doing here?

Every night at sundown,

people gather around here

to watch 10 thousand bats

fly out

from underneath that bridge.

It's like, um, town tradition.

- Where are they going?

- Back to Transylvania.

F*** off.

May I ask you something?

- Mm-hmm.

- Are you scared?

- Of bats? No.

- No, a**hole.

Of dying.

You remember our rules.

Let's just forget the rules,

okay?

Really? 'Cause if

were gonna forget the rules,

then we're gonna

forget all of them.

- Uh, okay.

- So yeah?

- Yes, fine.

- Okay.

Are you scared of dying?

No. Not really.

It's strange.

Scared about is not

leaving anything behind.

You know, no kids, no wife,

no legacy, things like that.

Yeah, but what about this?

Like, your family and friends

are gonna have something

to remember you by forever.

Not everybody gets that,

you know,

like a... a good memory

of people before they die.

People are gonna watch this,

they're gonna know that...

...you were loved and that

you were happy and... at peace.

As far as not

leaving behind a wife.

That's not true, either.

If you'll marry me.

Come on.

From your "F*** It List."

"Fall in love, get married."

Lauren showed me. So...

Look, as sweet as this is,

I appreciate it,

you don't have to do this.

I was joking about that.

Were you really joking, though?

You know what?

No. I wasn't.

So?

Look, throw the money thing

out the window for a second.

Do you even like me?

Forget that I'm paying you,

do you Carly,

even really like me?

'Cause honestly,

I-I can't figure it out.

Yes.

I do.

And if you haven't

figured that out,

wrong with you

besides the tumor.

Listen, let's do this

the right way then.

Carly Sarah Stoops.

Will you marry me?

Yes.

Oh, my God, that's so weird.

And it fit

it fits perfect.

It's gorgeous.

No more rules?

No more rules.

- Cheers.

- Cheers.

To an amazing night.

And a great engagement.

And thank you Seth

for paying for everything.

It's us.

It's both of us.

And Lauren.

Thank you so much.

And, uh, I want to just say...

I'm... not losing a brother, well

I guess I am.

Really?

I'm... I'm gaining a sister.

I'm gaining a sister.

I'm gaining a sister.

Is this, like, real?

Like,

this is-this is like, weird.

This is like, some weird, like,

alternate universe.

And I love you, too.

Who is she

always on the phone with?

I had to make a call-or,

I had to answer.

Who is calling,

was that your mommy?

Yes, it was my mommy.

Oh, sh*t!

Seth, get the f*** out of here!

What the f*** are you doing?!

- Oh, my God!

- Get the f*** out of here!

- I just want to...

...Dude!

Dude, get out, get out!

- Jesus... Christ!

- Is he gone?

He's gone.

Oh, rise and shine! Oh!

- Really?

- Oh! Come on.

...No!

Oh! Oh, you look so pretty.

Are you ready to hit the road?

Yeah.

You just-you can go like

that.

- You guys.

- I'm gonna need my pills.

You need your pills.

Is Carly alive?

Barely.

Did you-did you

f*** Carly to death?

Get the f*** out of here.

Okay, we got...

...Look what daddy got?

World Series.

I am totally amped about this

Yeah, you seem like it.

Right now...

...You need to get

the f*** out of the room.

Whose broad stripes

and bright stars

Thru the perilous fight,

O'er the ramparts

we watched

Napoleon!

Were so

gallantly streaming?

And the rocket's red glare

The bombs bursting in air

Sports! Sports! Sports!

Gave proof

through the night

That our flag

was still there

Oh, say does that

Lauren, are you having fun?

Not 2,500 dollars worth of fun.

But Ross is having fun.

O'er the land of the free

And the home

of the brave!

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah!

Okay, I'm into America again.

How you feeling?

- Headaches.

Are you-are you

getting those a lot?

Some.

I'm just... I'm feeling

very tired and weak.

Truthfully, I just want

to lay down and f***ing die.

We have to finish

the movie, okay?

We will finish the movie.

I just want to do

everything you want to do.

I want you to finish your list.

We will.

Where's Lauren?

- She's asleep.

Everything all right

between you guys?

Yeah, things are good.

Let's go.

So we

backtracked 1,500 miles to Vegas.

So that Carly and Ross can

finally concentrate their

love according to the

traditions of our religion:

we worship Satan.

I've seen Ross

with a lot of girls before,

but I've never

really seen him in love.

I hardly recognized him.

Oh, my God.

- Right?

- You look

absolutely beautiful!

Boom.

Seriously?

Extrie, extrie,

read all about it!

I'm engaged to a b*tch!

Extrie, extrie.

What am I doing?

It's crazy.

You're getting married.

Right, I'm cra-do you

think I'm crazy?

For marrying Ross?

- No, you're doing your job.

I just... I don't know, it's not

really like that, anymore.

- Really?

- I'm so f***ed.

I'm so f***ed.

- You're falling for him?

Yeah.

- You don't want to?

- No, I don't want to!

Lauren, he's dying,

are you serious?

I know.

What are you going to do?

I guess I'll-I'll just

see him through it, right?

What am I supposed to do?

I love him!

I love the a**hole.

F***.

F***!

That looks awful.

It looks so bad.

What do you do?

I mean, is it...?

It literally,

if-it's like your fingers,

are like... they-they're all

broken, like they're rubber.

Like they don't

have any bones in them.

"HAZY DAYZ"...]

You're in rare form

today.

Oh, God, help me!

A, that smells!

Smells good!

B, don't judge me.

Stop it.

What?

Oh! Oh!

Amazing Grace

How sweet the sound

That saved a wretch like me

There you go.

Oh.

Oh.

Do you promise to always love

her tender,

never leave her in Heartbreak

Hotel,

and always be her hunka-hunka

burning love?

I do.

There you go.

'Til death do you part, honey?

I do.

We do have something called

the pre-nupted rights here.

What is that?

It just takes a second.

Oh!

Whoa, whoa, hey!

Hey, hey, hey!

Lauren is awesome, she's an

awesome person.

I'm a piece of sh*t. I'm

serious.

I'm a piece of sh*t, dude!

She's awesome.

You're not a piece of sh*t.

I'm a piece of sh*t.

Lauren's f***ing

awesome.

You had too much to drink.

B*tch, but you're awesome.

Next stop, New Orleans.

Awesome.

That's gonna be my last stop.

What are you talking about?

Why?

You don't want me going along.

- Of course I do.

- No, you don't.

- Yeah, I do.

No.

This whole thing is like

an excuse for you to get out

of marrying me

and it's pathetic.

Is that what you think?

Look, you proposed to me,

and if you don't want

to get married, it's fine.

Do you want to get married?

I don't know if I do or not.

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