$9.99 Page #4

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No need to be sarcastic.

No, really.

I had a job interview

a couple of days ago.

But they said I wasn't qualified.

Trust me,

you wouldn't want this job.

But why?

I really like talking

on the phone with people,

asking them

all sorts of questions.

What's your name?

Camille.

Hi, Camille. I'm Dave.

Camille...

Can I ask you

some more questions?

Have you ever wondered

about the meaning of life?

You're funny.

No, no, seriously.

I discovered it in a book.

It's very simple.

It all began

with the very first molecule.

Listen, I would love to hear it,

but if my supervisor

catches me having a personal call,

I'll get into trouble.

But it's far from being personal.

It applies to everyone.

I guess, but I'm not sure she'll

be able to make the distinction.

It was nice talking to you.

Bye.

Bye.

Ouch, ouch! Have mercy!

Helga wins! You lose.

Another game?

No, I need time

to mourn the old guy.

Something to drink?

Excellent idea.

Helga is a grand champion.

You must...

So, you

don't believe in solids, huh?

I've been anorexic

since childhood,

but my contract with the agency

prevents me

from getting psychiatric help.

Really?

No.

Helga is a grand champion!

How do you like your steak?

Well-Done Steakhouse.

Hi, it's Tanita Sparks calling.

I'd like to order

two Carnivore Supremes.

Lenny was here.

He says hi.

He was on his way to a date.

Want a piece of cheesecake

to go with your coffee?

Maybe later.

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The panda

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Dad?

What?

Nothing.

I'm sorry, Ishmael.

The steak...

- What?

- ...was overcooked.

I was looking for a flaw in our date.

It was almost perfect.

Almost?

It's my fault.

My skin...

it's very sensitive to... stubble.

Do you have a razor?

Ready for school?

Good morning.

Good morning.

Great cake.

I'm sorry about yesterday.

It's not your fault.

Maybe you were right.

You know,

when I was in the army,

my lieutenant used to say,

"There's no such thing

as a bad soldier,

only a bad commander."

I guess the same goes for fathers.

- And husbands.

- Oh, Dad.

Raising you and your brother

after your mother left me wasn't easy.

But I'm not...

I'm not looking for excuses.

You did a great job.

I look at you and your brother...

both single,

one unemployed, the other...

I mean, I always say

repossessing is a respectable job,

but I wished higher

for the both of you.

Dad, you're not really looking

at things from the right perspective.

- Life is not about...

- Yeah, yeah. What can you do?

Your dad is old and foolish

and late for work.

I'll see you tonight.

Go on.

This is my piggy bank.

I don't know his name yet.

Every time after I drink my milk,

I get money to put in his back.

He's nothing like my other toys.

He's much calmer.

He doesn't have batteries,

and you can't fill him with water.

Well, you can,

but it's not a good idea.

Dad says he's educational because

this way I won't grow up to be a thug,

but I think the coolest thing

about him is his smile.

Look. I'll show you.

I put 50 cents in his back,

and he smiles... like this!

I put 20 cents in, and look...

he smiles exactly the same!

And now for the best part.

I'm putting no money in at all,

and... he's still smiling!

Hey, Ron.

Wait, wait!

Do I know you?

Lenny... Jim Peck's son.

You live right next door to my dad.

Have a cookie!

All right.

Wow.

It does look weird.

But what are you gonna do?

My girlfriend,

she, she likes me smooth.

You know what they say...

without love, you're nothing.

You have a girlfriend?

Fiance.

- She's sexy?

- She left me.

You know what they say...

...good things never last.

Hi there.

If I can't come to the phone,

it means I'm somewhere wonderful,

doing something really, really fun.

Leave me a message,

and I'll tell you all about it,

unless it's something really...

Did you hear that?

Hear what?

How can you people

stand living like this?

Like how?

Cooped up in these tiny flats,

hearing what's going on

with the neighbors.

This is a good-size apartment.

Wait till you see the open

luxurious spaces in heaven.

I don't mind small spaces,

but do you think that I

will get to see my wife there?

Off the record, I don't think so.

But why?

I don't know.

My wife went 10 years before me.

And since then,

I ate so much sh*t, I tell you...

But I did my best

to be a good person.

I was sure she went to heaven.

I had to do everything I could

to join her,

and then instead of getting

to see her, I got a pair of wings

and some perspective.

It is somewhat small.

Somewhat?

It's tighter than a sardine's a**hole.

We can go up onto the roof

if you want.

The view is nice.

I used to go up there

with my wife to relax.

What are you...?

What are you thinking about?

Work.

You don't look like someone who's

thinking about hauling a refrigerator.

- You're thinking about me.

- Yep, I was thinking about you.

What about me?

I don't have the words.

I thought you always had the words.

- Me too.

- Let's start with the details, then.

What's your favorite part of my body?

Your eyes.

- That's corny!

- It's true.

This isn't working.

God, this city is ugly!

What?

You've never been to heaven,

have you?

Can you believe it?

They sent me straight here.

So, why did you say

it was just like the Sunshine Coast?

Because I've been

to the Sunshine Coast.

On my honeymoon.

Even their tap water smells nice.

Not like this skin rash of a city.

But earlier you said

it was nice up here.

Earlier I had cucumbers on my eyes.

Why don't you fly a little?

I bet it's very relaxing.

No.

People might see me.

Come on.

I'd love to see you flying.

Do it for me.

That's fine.

I bet you can't fly, anyway.

Sure I can.

I just don't want anybody to see me.

Oh, look there!

Hmm?

So, what do you like about my eyes?

You were great in Show & Tell.

I wish I knew your name.

Kweller!

Oh!

I heard you breathing

on my answering machine, you know.

You weren't home.

You were out at... great places

doing all sorts of fun things.

That was just a message.

I'm really sorry.

I want to grow up.

Don't.

You've been very helpful, Sir.

Can I go now?

Sure. You had a rough day.

Hey, buddy,

can you spare some change?

Go on, mate.

Oh, good on you, Bill.

Hey, wait! It's too much!

Where are you going?

Your driver's license...

- Excuse me, Officer.

- Yes, Sir.

I want to confess

to the murder of...

Murder?

Wow, I don't even know his name.

The angel?

That's the thing.

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