$9.99 Page #5

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He wasn't really an angel.

- He was just a liar with wings.

- Whichever.

He fell from the sky.

Case closed.

I pushed him.

Sir, I've seen it

a hundred times before.

Whenever there's a corpse,

someone always feels guilty.

But I am guilty!

Are you a believer, Sir?

Yes.

I'm sure that God forgives you.

Have a good night.

Careful, Kweller!

You ready for bed?

Ah, what are you drawing?

That's you, me, and Mom

on a boat trip.

That's nice.

Dad, you're making Kweller nauseous.

He's not making any noise, Zacky.

You know what that means?

Tomorrow you'll get

your Soccer Jack action figure.

That's great, Dad.

Just put Kweller down.

You're making him feel bad.

The big moment

has arrived, Zacky.

Are you excited?

Sure.

But what's the hammer for?

Well, it's for you.

Just be careful.

Zack?

I'm careful, Dad.

- Well, break the pig open.

- Kweller?!

Kweller?

Yeah. Go on. Break it.

You deserve the doll.

You worked hard enough for it.

I don't want Soccer Jack.

Kweller is good enough.

You don't understand.

It's really okay.

It's educational.

Come on.

I'll break it for you.

Dad!

Yes, Zacky?

to put in his back,

after the milk,

and then we break him.

Tomorrow.

Another 50 cents.

For a rainy day.

Yes.

A rainy day.

Hey, you've reached Lenny's mobile.

Yeah, the brand-new, shiny model

with the car-gadget thing,

so eat your heart out...

Hey, it's Dave.

It's after 8:
00, and Dad

isn't back from work yet.

It's probably nothing.

I bet he'll show up soon.

Okay, give me a call

when you get this.

Bye.

Someone left you a message.

Uh-huh.

What if it's important?

It's not.

I love touching you.

Just like a baby's bottom.

What?

Nothing.

Your eyelash.

Then, make a wish.

Lenny?

Lenny, where are you?

I'm in the bathroom.

Don't worry, Kweller.

It's only a tiny jump.

We'll do it on the count of three.

One...

Three!

Bye, Kweller.

Pigs love parks,

especially ones with lakes.

You'll be happy here.

Dad?

A package for Dave Peck.

Thanks.

- There you go.

- Thanks.

Have a nice day.

Dear Valued Customer,

Unfortunately, we

are going out of business.

Consequently,

the book you've ordered,

How to Make People Listen,

has been out of print for a while.

We're reimbursing you $9.99

and sending you a copy

of another of our wonderful books.

Swim Like A Dolphin?

Mr. Kweller,

let me help you with that.

Oh, thank you.

Where are you going?

I'm going to the Sunshine Coast.

I'm sure you'll have a good time.

Are you going

to meet someone there?

Maybe.

Is everything okay with you?

My dad's missing.

Ah, I saw him yesterday evening.

He gave his wallet

to a homeless man.

Did you see where he went?

Towards the park.

Dad!

Hi, Dave.

Come sit next to your dad.

Feed the ducks.

You were here all night?

No, no, no.

It was too cold.

I slept in a tool shed,

and in the morning

the gardener came.

He gave me some bread.

Are you okay?

I don't know.

I don't know.

I remember once your mom and I

went to the park to feed the ducks.

It was so much fun.

And now I don't feel a damn thing.

- Well, maybe the ducks...

- It's not the ducks.

It's everything.

You know, my office...

I know life is supposed

to be full of joy and sorrow.

It's just that the joy part...

Don't say that.

Let's just do something fun.

- Like what?

- Anything!

There are a million

fun things to do!

Name one.

Oh, Smoothies.

"Take the edges out of your life

with Dr. Nabotny's revolutionary...

...bone...

...removal system.

This almost painless technique

will smooth..."

Painless? Ha!

I wouldn't say painless.

You're such a ninny, Max.

You're a tough motherf***er now,

but I bet when they took out

your ribcage, you cried like a baby.

The skull is the worst.

They pull it through

one of the nostrils, you know.

No, I didn't realize that, no.

If you're stressing out

about the nostril bit

and you're not

a cheap, whiny wuss,

you can pay a little extra,

and they just zap it out with a laser.

- Hmm.

- Yeah?

But even with the laser

and everything,

why would anyone want to do that?

Love.

Back and forth,

like a whip through the water.

Aw, son...

I don't think it's working.

No, Dad, I think you

just need to loosen your knees

and breathe through the nose.

Come on. Try it.

Don't you have

in one of these books of yours

something a little less physical?

Yeah, well, I have the one

on the meaning of life.

I can read from it for you.

Oh.

Breathe through the nose.

- Wings?

- Yes!

But he fell like a ton of bricks.

You would think someone with wings

wouldn't have that problem.

You don't believe me?

Hon, can you get the cheese?

Oh, yeah. Those little matchboxes

where you kept your eye drops

fell when I took the butter out.

- So I threw them away.

- What, the beers?

No, not the beers, silly.

- The bottles you kept in the...

- All three cases?

Aargh!

- The guys will kill me.

- Which guys will kill you?

They were imported from Belgium.

Ron, I'm sure they weren't beers.

- They were eye drops.

- How do you know?!

Did you taste them?

Ron, have you

been smoking pot again?

One small joint.

A really... really small joint.

All three cases?

Yup.

And she really

called you "a delusional f***er"?

- I've never seen her that angry.

- One expensive lay.

I hope it was worth it.

F*** the beers.

At least now she's gone for good.

It calls for a party.

Hey D.J., put something good on!

Ooh, hmm.

Whoo!

- Oh, did you see that?

- Yeah!

That wasn't bad!

- Hi.

- Hi.

I missed you.

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