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- Ooh, sucks for you, man.

- I just saw her in the living room.

- I was just there.

Well, you're in the wrong place

at the wrong time, then.

- She was talking to Steve.

- Uh-oh.

- Wait. Who's Steve?

- Some older dude... great lips.

Give her some space.

When I was talking to her,

she looked ready to kill.

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

(UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Don't tell me

It's another likely story

Whoo!

I'm new here

Doesn't mean I have to

answer silly questions

Or a shot in the dark

Hey.

Hi.

May... may I sit?

Yeah.

Oh, well, that's...

that's all I can ask for.

(SIGHS)

I'm Teddy, by the way.

- Melanie.

- Melanie.

- Melanie.

- Nice to meet you.

You too. Nice to meet you.

Cool. And who do you know?

Not a lot of people.

- Oh, wow.

- Yeah.

Is that why you're sitting

here by yourself?

So I know what you're thinking.

The answer is yes,

my carpet matches my drapes.

You are out of control.

No, no, I'm... I'm actually

in complete control.

Oh, see, the thing is,

you think you are, but you're not.

I kind of think that

you're into me.

- Well, I do think you're funny.

- Yeah. Yeah?

Like, funny "ha-ha"

or funny "strange"?

- (CHUCKLES)

- What?

I mean, do you have a preference?

'Cause I could go either way.

Party like f***!

(RHYTHMIC BANGING)

(BANGING CONTINUES)

Yeah!

(LAUGHS)

Whoo!

Time to throw out the trash!

It's about to get

real cold in here!

Here we go!

(WOMEN SCREAMING)

The ground shakes,

things fall apart

Yeah.

Yeah, basically...

(LAUGHTER)

(BOTH CONVERSING INDISTINCTLY)

Ohh!

(SHOUTING IN JAPANESE)

Craig f***ing bit her!

(SHOUTING IN JAPANESE)

Wait! Wait! Wait! No! No!

(GLASS SHATTERING)

(LAUGHTER)

What's up, Allison?

You got all sexy since last year.

Are you working out?

I...

pace a lot.

I can see you got a hot body,

even though you cover it up.

It's called clothing.

Why don't we remove some of it?

If only you had opposable thumbs.

(LAUGHS)

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

(LAUGHTER)

I'm sorry.

Ah, my girlfriend dared me.

She's a b*tch!

You look crazed.

Yeah. Have you seen her?

I'm not exactly looking.

No offense.

(SIGHS)

Well, she was just here.

She was just...

Hey, do-do you think

people ever get what they deserve?

Well, if they do, Allison...

if they do, you're gonna be a

very happy person someday,

okay?

(SIGHS)

Every once in a while, you

say something awesome.

Mm, every once in a while, yeah.

Thank you. Tell Jill that, please.

Can you remind her?

- Oh, my God.

- Okay.

It's on. Yeah!

(GRUNTING)

F-f-f***ing savages, right?

I've come to a conclusion.

Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.

Hold on. Hold on.

"Conclusion" means the

end of something...

No, no, no, no.

No.

I have a surprise for you.

A surprise?

I like surprises.

Oh, you like surprises?

Well, meet me upstairs

in ten minutes,

and I'll give it to you.

Where? I...

Better pay attention...

Teddy.

Okay, I can do that.

Sorry. Watch it.

I just scored my

number one draft pick.

- What the hell does that mean?

- Melanie Tremblay, she just...

she asked me to, like, go upstairs.

She says she has a surprise for me.

She's probably crawling

out a window right now.

Oh, wow! Huh! You're gonna

grow old with a lot of cats.

Okay, f*** you, Teddy.

You don't even know me.

Please, can we have a moment?

- Yeah, how goes Good Jill Hunting?

- Can you please do me a favor?

If you see her anywhere,

you have to tell me.

Yeah, do you know what? I'm gonna...

I'll text you, but, please, dude, just...

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

What was that?

Don't, Kyle.

Shut up.

Rad.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

Oh, sh*t. Kyle.

Kyle.

Kyle.

F***, Bonnie!

What?

What's your problem?

(GASPS)

(FOOTSTEPS RECEDING)

(UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Jill?

(METALLIC CLATTERING)

(WOMAN YELLS)

I got it!

(GRUNTS)

(PEOPLE SCREAMING)

Relax! Remain calm!

Everything is under control!

Nobody panic!

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

(INTENSE TECHNO MUSIC PLAYING)

David!

Dude, I told you those f***ers

at Home Depot knew

what they were doing!

It's a great party.

(SIGHS)

Okay.

All right.

(LAUGHTER)

Here we go.

Oh, wow.

Shoe-shoes off.

Right. Yeah.

(GRUNTS) Yeah.

Look, is there somewhere I can

go to get away from all this?

I just... I need to

get my sh*t together.

Just for a minute.

My parents' bedroom.

Okay.

Up the stairs, last

door on the left.

Don't f*** anything up!

Attention, visitors!

Do you have room for two in there?

I know we're going gung ho

But the night is

still young, though

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

And all the guys

who are horndogs

(MEN CHEERING)

Now every one of us

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

So let me hear your lungs go

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

Will you just give me a chance?

- For what?

- To apologize.

I just...

I just want to apologize to you.

Okay.

Look, can we go somewhere private?

Please?

Everyone, follow me outside!

Party's just getting started,

so get ready to rock!

Yeah! Yeah!

(THUMPING DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

Mm.

Wow.

You have been blessed

with so many gifts.

Mm. Oh, no, no, no, no.

Keep a light on.

All right?

Jill, I'm really sorry.

For what, exactly?

You don't even know what

you're apologizing for.

It's not for the kiss?

That's only part of it, David.

Well, what's the other part?

You made me feel replaceable.

Oh, no.

I could never replace you.

You know, it's not only...

it's not only what you did.

It's who.

It's where. It's when.

It's like you stepped into a part

of my life where you didn't belong.

I thought I belonged everywhere.

I guess you don't.

Oh, well.

(BOTH MOANING)

Your skin is so soft.

(KISSING AND MOANING)

And you smell so yummy.

Less words.

(GRUNTING)

(BOTH MOANING)

Yeah.

(BOTH MOANING)

Wha... huh!

Yes! Oh!

- You like that?

- Yeah!

You like that, you

little stupid f***?

- Yes!

- That's good.

(POUNDING ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

May your good health be twofold.

(SNIFFS)

This is a delicacy in my country.

Hey, f***ing come on!

(PEOPLE CHEERING)

I just want to forget

this ever happened, okay?

I just...

That is a really

stupid thing to say.

Jill, we've been

together a long time.

Two years really isn't that long.

What?

No, it's not.

No, it's, like...

what is it... 730 days, two years.

It's a long time.

You're an idiot.

Oh, I love it!

(LAUGHS)

All right!

Now, before we head to

the back of the garden,

I got one more surprise.

Ooh! You're so good, Teddy.

Teddy, right?

Yeah. You like playing dirty?

Ow!

(LAUGHS)

Are you in pain?

Oh! Oh!

Yeah. Yeah.

Mm. Mm. Mm.

Suck it.

(BOTH MOANING)

So good.

You like all of them?

(SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY)

(LAUGHTER)

(UPBEAT DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

(SIGHS)

I wish you'd never gone away.

So you want me stuck here?

No, I don't want you stuck.

I just want you here with me.

Right.

You know what I mean.

No, David, I don't know

what you mean. I don't.

Tell me what you mean, David.

I just mean, like, if we worked it out,

we wouldn't be fighting right now.

We'd be out there having

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