100 Girls Page #3

anytime now to fix it.

- Do you have any suspects yet?

- No, there's too many choices.

Their dorm is a Whitman

sampler of women!

A virtual pot-pourri of p*ssy.

It's more than sex. Those women

have distinct personalities.

Look over there.

You see that girl?

I call her Ever Tan Barbara.

Who's the girl with the

magic markers up there?

It's Ren. She writes

cheat notes on her breasts.

See next door? That's Sasha.

She's totally into purple.

Have you seen that girl at

the front desk, Rhonda?

She can be really cute, but she has

this habit of picking her eyebrows.

Yeah, nice from afar,

but far from nice!

And you're right. Some girls watch

Jane Austen movies every Friday.

The literary world has a term

for those fanatics. "Janeites".

My God, let's watch it tonight.

I'll make the popcorn!

There's this girl Penny.

Ever seen her?

She's always on the phone crying

with her long-distance boyfriend.

He wants to break up with her. She

is on the same floor as Maureen...

...who has a new hair-style everyday!

- I've seen her around.

Who's that girl with

the green slime, man?

You've found Dana.

She's on a all-algae diet.

- And who's the hummer on three?

- That's Michelle.

She sounds like some kind of

Buddhist monk, don't you think?

So, have you got any more

suspicious suspects yet?

I have that one girl who

never comes out of her room.

So I stake out her room.

I just hear a little bit of rustling.

I bet you that she's

your mystery woman.

- Hurry up, the movie is at 7:30.

- I can't lock the door.

Forget about it. We're gonna miss

the trailer for "North anger Abbey".

Saturday nights were the best

for sneaking into girls' rooms.

They went out on dates or home for

the weekend. The dorm was empty.

Except for Dora. She never had

anywhere to go on Saturday night.

I did have to admit Ive seen cuter

girls in "National Geographic".

She's the kind of girl about

whom Rod would say...

I wouldn't even screw

her with your dick, man.

But I felt for her.

When you're not good-looking,

you become a failure by default.

People treat you like

you have the Ebola virus.

They don't wanna get near, because

what you have might be contagious.

It's cruel.

This Women Studies class

is gonna be a breeze.

We get to check out

all the pretty girls.

I think we made

a really big mistake.

Today we are gonna study

patriarchal infrastructures...

that exercise gender-based

discrimination.

Who can give me examples?

The pope won't

allow women priests.

Why can a man be promiscuous,

but a woman is called a slut?

Why is it called "his story",

instead of "her story"?

Why women shoes are

always so uncomfortable?

An older man can go out with a

young woman, but an older woman...

...can't go out with a young man.

- Very good.

The boys in the back,

would you care to contribute?

You enrolled in my class

to meet girls, didn't you?

There's a couple of you

every semester.

None of you ever last.

Great

I need to maintain at least 3.75

GPA to keep my scholar ship.

Now Elsa, of the SS,

is gonna make me lose it.

I'll enjoy teaching

you boys a lesson.

One Saturday, I got careless.

Disasters truck moments after

I had to drain my main vein.

Women have a sixth sense.

They know when something is a miss.

They see things that go

undetected to a man's eye.

From the slightest detail, she knew

there had been a male presence.

And I was such a fool.

I had left behind the most

damning piece of evidence.

But this girl was a pro. She could

have been trained by my mother

My eyes!

Matthew?

It's me, Wendy,

from eleventh grade Trig!

We all sat in the back because

Mr. Perialas had such a bad breath.

I'm looking for this girl. lf you don't

believe me, check my right pocket.

- I have her panties in there.

- I believe you.

- So you're gonna check every girl?

- lf I can ever see again!

This is so romantic!

Hey, I'll help you!

I'm a sucker for matchmaking!

I wanna let you know, we're gonna

be doing the lights today, okay?

I just want to let you know that

you're hair looks really cute.

And that's all.

With the help of my faithful

companion Wendy, I found a match.

I waited impatiently for my mystery

maiden to return. It was hours.

Finally my romantic quest was

rewarded. She was a goddess.

More than I could ever

possibly have hoped for.

I was corrupt with happiness.

immediately declared

all the feelings I had had for her.

I think even the word

"love" was used.

I love you.

She kept me frozen in suspense,

as awaited for her response.

Needless to say, my spirits

crashed like a karmic Kinden berg.

Stop soaking, man.

Don't you get it?

Women are nothing but trouble!

Great. Here we go again.

Hear me out, man. Women

complain that all men want...

their girls to look like models,

and it makes them angry...

that they have to live up to this

expectation. But what about us?

We live with the disappointment

that our women won't look like it.

They ever take that

in consideration? No.

We've been conditioned to expect

something that we'll never get!

And what's worse!

Men age better than women.

While we get better over time, we

get with women with saggy tits...

who start wearing those bathing

suits that cover the belly-buttons!

Then, they get those short asexual

haircuts, and their thunder thighs!

Making love to a woman turns

a man into a cellulite surfer!

Who gets the better

in the deal?

I wonder what prom-night succubus

or second-date siren...

had in stilled him

such zealous misogyny.

Can you believe? I've gained a half

an inch since I started using this!

Where do you start when you

measure your dick, man?

Alright, admit it. Ive measured

my dick. Weal have.

But the evolved man that I was,

I didn't wanna give Rodman answer.

- In your case, from the neck up.

- Screw you, man!

So, hey, what are you reading?

I was just checking to make

sure the paper printed my ad.

I've no clue anymore how

to find my black-out knock-out...

so every week I take up a personal

ad in the school newspaper...

telling my mystery girl that I'll be

waiting every Thursday night...

in the basement

of the Virgin Vault.

So, in complete darkness,

we can renew our relationship...

until both of us decide

to reveal our identities.

You sit in the dark

every Thursday night?

You're a sick man.

You're a freak!

- That's it. I'm outta here.

- Alright, man. Take it easy.

And if she's easy,

take her twice.

My whole operation was

a romantic bay of pigs.

Id already spent several

Thursday nights in the dark...

and she'd yet to show up.

It's me. Wendy.

- She didn't come, did she?

- No.

- How did you know I was down here?

- I read your personal ad.

It's after midnight.

She's probably not gonna show.

But I thought you might want

some dinner. Come for a food.

Wendy was the

ber-girl next door.

A testament to why women in

our society are cheer-leaders.

Everything she did

was perfect.

She was arousing in that virginal

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