10 Rules for Sleeping Around Page #5

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Or anything, i just..

-It's all good.

I'm not you, man.

I can't sign up for the Vince's idiot Guide to a marriage.

I didn't mean that,

that came out wrong.

I'm just saying, if Kate cheated on me..

I'd consider killing myself.

-No!

Any pricks doing your old lady would be dead meat, alright?

You're my boy, Ben.

I'd go Goodfellas on them.

Mid-evil torture stuff?

-No.

That's Pulp Fiction, get your movie straight.

I'm trying to be sincere, you're f***ing it up.

Not only do i got your back,

i'll take the boat out..

And i'd cut that weasel up.

I'm so..

F***ed.

Soprano style.

-Soprano style.

Come on ladies, we want to be early.

I'll stay here and wait for Kate.

You do that, good luck.

Bye bye Benny.

We'll see you later, right?

Don't worry, i'm gonna have Cooney signed

by the time i get back.

Who doesn't have a door knob?

How are you supposed to get out of the closet

when you're in the closet?

Your chariot awaits.

Come here.

-Oh, how sweet.

He likes you.

Somebody needs a doggy mint.

Yes, you do.

I'm gonna die over cougars.

You must think i'm pretty stupid, huh?

No..

No.

I think you're a woman in love.

Let's just go home.

No, we're going to the Dolce Vita Ball.

Okay?

Come on.

Let's go, you'll have fun.

Come on.

Oh crap.

Cameron?

Hugh was our ticket to the party,

how are we gonna get in?

The old fashion way, baby.

Damn.

This is the new you.

Let's freaking do it, we got 3 hours til this party starts.

So, let's whore up, baby..

I'd die a virgin.

Those Jersey Girls, who likes fake tits?

Nobody.

i have nothing to wear,

i'm not even wearing my good panties.

Why wear any?

Let's steal some of that Brazillian bimbo's clothes.

No, i would never..

-I'll wear something of hers..

And you can wear my new dress.

-No.

How do you not work and afford such expensive clothes?

I can't, Vince may have his 10 rules..

But i've got 1.

The wife shopping code of conduct.

Bang him into that credit card, mortgage,

maternity, whatever it takes.

Too confession of a shopaholic.

Til death do you part.

You know what?

Let's get this party started.

I am gonna get us some shots.

-Okay, i'm gonna take a bath.

I didn't even get to see them make out.

Bad idea.

Short cut..

This is so thrilling.

It's like adventure.

It should be right here.

I still have so much to do, and you're dragging me up.

The party stars at 2 hours.

There's no way i'm taking a shower with that pervert,

i'll be quick.

Dwayne!

-Yes sir.

I have to help Miss Shorbin pick up an outfit.

She needs a man's touch.

Don't we all?

Be careful with that, please.

And move that f***ing tree!

Aren't you a little old to be playing

hide and seek?

Ha ha.. Very funny.

What did you do?

Bite the head off something?

Oh God.

Sh*t!

Stop it, Hugh!

You're not wearing this dress, it's for Kate.

I'm tired of being naked.

Please, i'm begging you.

I told you this was a good shortcut.

Ladies, you go work your magic..

And tell him your Vincy Wincy is on his way.

-Okay.

Hurry up, let's go chop-chop,

let's get it.

Thank you, thank you,

whoa!

Where are you going?

I'm with the ladies, they put me on the list.

I don't think so.

-Just now.

They did tell me they expect a Vincy Wincy though..

But not a little sneaky snake named Ben.

If i see you again, i'm calling the cops.

You got that.

White people get locked up too.

Please hurry, if Fields finds out i left,

he's gonna kill me.

For once, can you think of someone

other than your paycheck?

Hey.

-Hey.

Look who i found.

Feathers, nice..

Pants will be better.

How the hell did i become a naked man trying to escape?

I've begun questioning many things myself.

Cheers.

-Thanks.

Crazy b*tches.

Here, don't you dare leave without me.

Hurry up please.

-I will.

Ladies..

I'm out of here.

No no..

You promised to take us to that party.

And that's exactly what you're gonna do.

You know what, i think Vince has some clothes,

why don't you go in there and find some of his?

I'll help you.

You know what? I'm gonna get a shower, okay?

-Okay.

Oh sh*t.

Sh*t! Sh*t!

Hey Mattie, it's me Kitty Kate.

Gaby, i'm dying!

Who the hell are you and

why are you drinking my beer?

You must be the perv.

Cameron..

-I'm in the shower.

Mind if i come in?

So, change of plans.

I'm in the Hamptons.

And i would love to see you.

Please hurry, if i don't get to the party..

Field's going to castrate me.

You're going to the party?

Honey, i am the party.

Man buddy, you gotta get me in.

I will do anything.

Almost anything.

No.

Gaby, come on!

I'm dying!

Owen?

Ben?

What are you doing up there?

Looking for a cellphone service.

Help me, dude.

Gaby, it's time to go.

Gaby, i'm getting old waiting for you.

Make love to me.

-What?

Owen?

Come on, baby.

Those are couture.

-Yeah, talk to me.

Owen, is that you?

Look at these fancy socks.

Oh yeah baby..

-Oh yeah.

Call me mommy.

Call me mommy, oh yes

call me mommy!

Oh yeah..

-Okay, mommy..

Ow ow, you're hurting me.

Yeah.

-Ow ow ow..

You're hurting my..

You like it rough?

No, i don't like it rough.

Come on, baby.

Hey, here you go.

Where are you going?

-Kate!

Where are you going?

-Owen, where are you?

I can't do this.-

What's the matter?

Sh*t! Owen!

Owen..

Yeah.

Excuse me.

-No!

You're like a man possesed!

Benny?

-Gaby?

What are you doing here?

What do you mean?

I'm so sorry for you.

Owen!

Oh no!

-Ben, it's not what it looks like.

Owen, i'm ready.

Wait!

Before you lie, i'd like to remind you

that i'm here..

And mr, naked fruitypants is right in front of me.

Ben, ben, wait!

Ben, wait talk to me!

About what, Kate?

Your slutty blackberry messages or your..

Gucci dress that's not yours..

Your homosexual..

No, i'm sorry..

Bixesual fling?

Which one?

I'm disappointed in you.

Ben! hey buddy, wait up!

Slow down!

Get out, get out of my house!

Get out, what are you doing?

-Okay!

Where are you going?

-To Field's.

I'll close Cooney myself.

How are you gonna get in?

-With a little novelty called the truth.

Would you please put a shirt on?

I hate you! Get out!

Have you seen Owen?

You're phony french phony!

Your lifestylist is upstairs..

Having an identity crisis with my best friend's fiance.

Okay, okay!

I don't believe this,

this doesn't make sense.

I swear to God, i'm gonna kick his puffy ass.

You better be sure.

Stop, get up!

Get your boy jewels off me!

It touched me!

Who the hell is that?

You travel with your own boy toy?

Who is he?

We weren't boinking,

we were hiding.

Between his cheeks?

I'm not into boys.

Not that young anyway,

Gaby i wasn't with him, you know that.

Yeah right, cause you're in there with that skinny b*tch.

Yeah, so?

So what are you doing with her

when you are with me?

It's just business!

Christ, hear me!

You're really hurting me!

You're.. Ow!

That really hurts!

That was a bitchslapping.

Get out of my house.

What?

-You heard me, out!

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