15 ans et demi Page #2

---

I know it's only for three months,

but it's good. Are you listening?

What's this?

My report card.

'Unruly Miss Le Tallec

answers back to her teachers.'

That's just behavior stuff.

My grades are good!

So?

So?

You should be proud

of your daughter's critical sense.

'My class isn't Texting 101.'

That's not my idea

of 'critical sense'.

I can't help

having behavioral problems.

It's single-parent syndrome.

Who cares? I'm passing.

You're passing?

Into 11th grade.

Get off my case.

I let your mother

handle your schooling Now look!

That's going to change.

I won't let a 14-year-old

give me orders, damn it!

I'm 15 and a half

'Damn it' is rude.

You're asking for it.

Go on, then hit me!

I'm sure you don't even know

my birthday.

Mind your tone, please.

Shame on you for not knowing

my birthday's January 7.

Well, dearie, I'm aware

your birthday is January 7.

- It was the best day of my life.

- Oh, really?

It's January 4.

Newton's birthday.

Tongue-tied?

You can't boss me.

You'rejust my biological father!

I'm a biochemist!

- Whatever!

- Watch it!

Eight years of Aikido.

- What's that?

- Don't touch me.

A piercing?

Take it off, right now!

- Screw you.

- Get back here!

Piss off.

Get back here now.

Open this door

or there's going to be trouble!

Now, it's war!

You had no right to hit me!

I'm your father,

and I'll do as I see fit!

You're my father? News to me.

I'll knock this door down.

Help, police! Rape!

Stand back and cover your eyes.

There could be splinters.

Help me!

You asked for it.

Watch out.

One...

two...

- What?

- It's in the bag.

She's talking about you.

Barbara.

She's hooked already.

Make her hair grow back,

and she'll be all over you.

Get lost!

- What's happening?

- Listen, it's not a good time.

It is Eglantine?

- You guys fighting?

- No, we're fine.

You need the Guyster.

I'll swing by.

Give me a break. Go home.

- You okay?

- Fine! I'll let you know!

Not raping Eglantine,

by any chance?

I keep telling you we're fine!

Jean Maxence?

Why are you here?

Eglantine Said

you were losing it.

She called you? Why you?

Darling?

I'll make some coffee.

Where is she?

I just can't figure out

where I've screwed up.

All this over a report card.

And she's passing!

She might be passing,

but your test results are pathetic.

'My Father:
Hero or Zero? '

Problem solved.

- Can I see her?

- Sure, sweetie.

Listen,

you have great intentions.

But you're doomed.

You can't suddenly

parent a teen.

Accept help, or she'll suffer.

'Finding Your Inner Dad'

Not your 'flaky methods'.

'Route 66 to Nirvana -

My Handy Guide to Fulfillment'.

'How to Turn an Average Woman

into a Wonderful Wife'.

'10 Steps to Tame Your Teen'.

Three best-selling

helping hands.

I get letters every day.

If you don't sign up

for 'Finding Your Inner Dad'...

although I think

it's what you need...

at least look at my DVD.

All right, everybody out.

This is getting out of hand.

Go on!

Bathrobe man!

Let her go

and come out with your hands up!

Julien, it's 10 am.

This is your third reminder.

I'm asking you

to get up right now.

Let me sleep!

It's 10:
30 I only start at 10:30.

I can't take

this routine anymore!

GETUP!

A fascinating case study.

Voice modulation is important.

If you're tense

when the dialogue starts...

there will be a clash,

inevitably.

Before entering the room...

Hello.

Come on, Anne Sophie.

Honey?

We can't keep not talking.

You are in punishment, but has not

to stay in your room.

- Perhaps we can...

- What?

Eat waffles and ride

a merry-go-round?

- Wait, wait.

- What?

I just gave you a little smack.

Let's not make a federal case.

Zo's parents are lawyers.

I could sue.

What did you tell them?

Don't want a child-abuser rap?

- Too harsh?

- Totally.

Sh*t. Listen...

'And then came the shrill fire alarm,

and the student stampede...

just he and I in that classroom,

not fearing even the flames.

We are one soul in two bodies.

In his arms...

I'd have gladly

burned and died.'

No flipping way!

Screwing during the alarm.

What a slut.

She's on fire!

There.

I'm lucky you switched fields!

I didn't. I'm here

to be near my daughter.

- Boyfriend patrol.

- She doesn't have a boyfriend.

At that age, you tried

to grope Amlie Brault.

Time for some sex ed, buddy.

It's not the same.

In that regard...

girls are different from boys.

Shyer, more reserved...

more romantic.

I don't want to butt in...

but you seem weak

on women's signals.

What women's signals?

When they're

attracted to a man...

women give off certain signals.

And you're clearly no expert

at decoding them.

You're a lametastic dad.

You're a lametastic dad!

- Why do you have that?

- His book's not bad.

Your problem

is that you don't understand teens.

- Especially girls!

- You think I'm not with it?

What's he doing?

Green is for 'go', red is for 'stop'!

Yeah, hello to you, too.

Sorry.

How about a knuckle

sandwich? Jerk!

Oh, sh*t?

What the hell, man,

where teens tell all?

Nomie 15, has a cute question

for Dan, our shrink.

Nomie, repeat your question.

Can you get pregnant

from swallowing sperm?

Good question.

Nomie was it an accident

or on purpose?

It's not possible.

Pregnancy results

when a spermatozoa meets an egg.

No sperm,

no matter how athletic...

could reach an egg

through your digestive tract.

But it's nutritious!

Sperm is full of protein.

Call anytime. Here's Kader,

All teen speak is necessary.

It's foolish, illusory,

and even dangerous to fight it.

It may irk you, but you must

see teen speak as a foreign language...

and learn the basics.

After all,

your teen speaks your language.

First example:
'I was stoked'.

'It was a primo bash.'

Secondly:
'Downer'.

I gained 200g over the holidays'.

Thirdly...

We could use 'downer'...

But we'll use 'that's so lame'

to underline the injustice...

when dealing with

The American company, McDonald's.

'They're out of Filet-O-Fish,

that's so lame! '

Philippe, before

you start soul-searching...

shouldn't you ask yourself

whether your daughter is the problem?

Keep talking.

What if she were

just 'going through a phase'?

- Is that serious?

- Not necessarily.

Most kids suffer

no lasting consequences.

It builds character.

Even when piercings ensue?

Depends on where?

What?

A navel piercing is different

from a nipple piercing.

You think

she'll pierce her nipples?

Better that than the p*ssy.

You're off your rocker.

I wonder

about your kids' upbringing?

My kids!

I was discovering relativity.

They were so needy,

I let them go.

- You abandoned them?

- In the name of science.

It's a real slut parade tonight.

- Is it the same with me?

- Blowing you is different.

What the hell?

You are such a pain.

Mine's the same size

as Kevin's and Yanis's.

They keep bickering

Poor Nico.

Really?

- Wait. Dad?

- Yes.

Come here.

Let's be frank.

You are a bit ham-handed.

And it's true

I've messed up a bit.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes