2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams Page #2

always camp out.

You know, get the girls In thongs,

roasting marshmallows,

It would make

for some great footage.

H m, I don't think so. This

place looks way too creepy.

Yeah, It makes

Biscuit's hair stand up.

That would be

the Formaldehyde, babe.

Dude, respect.

For once, I agree with the

debutantes. Let's just get out of here.

I hate to Interrupt

the production meeting

but I got two busted front

tires and only one spare,

we ain't

going nowhere.

Call Triple A.

Call them yourself,

diabla rubia.

God! Do I have

to do everything?

There's no signal.

Que sorpresal

Pleasant dreams, m'Ijosl

What? They spelled it in French.

K- Jay! I said no anal!

Babe, don't look at me!

Uh, I was just checking

the, uh, the battery and-

Come on, babe, let's get some privacy.

That's right, fool. Get

sticky with yourself.

Oh, yeah, baby! Lower,

lower! Rake the clam!

Is that good?

Is that good?

Rake it. Rake the clam. Rake it!

You like that?

Yeah! Now give us

a nice big smile.

Oh, nightmare.

Tinkle time.

Make that tinkle

for two.

Let's finish

together this time.

One.

Two.

Three

What the f***!

Welcome to Pleasant

Vally! H m, sorta.

# Hey, Hey

Yowdy, heydy, aye #

# Great new world

Brand new day #

# Hey, Hey

Yowdy, heydy, aye. #

Whoo-hal

Now let me introduce

myself. Name's Buckman,

George W. Buckman, and

ya'll arrived just in time

to be our special guests at the

Pleasant Valley Travelling Jamboree

You clowns

for real?

As

it gets, macho.

That's right. Now, uh,

back In our hometown

of dear 'oI Pleasant

Valley, Georgia,

every year about this time-

Whoa.

What the hell Is that?

Why, that's

my pooch box.

Pooch box?

Scarlet Red means

log box, gentlemen,

come her 18th birthday I

may present her with the key.

She's very progressive.

Oh, you good at licking rock, Hollywood?

Hell, I'll lick

your rock silly, babe.

China Rose

is trying to say

" Picking locks?

My lock. "

I can pick locks.

When I was a kid, I broke into a shul,

and the Shammes caught

me lifting a challah.

Holy Moly I Folks,

we got ourselves a Hebrew I

That's "Jew"

to you, Colonel.

Jew, Hebrew, Christ-killer,

It's all the same in Spain.

That reminds me,

what's the difference between

an Israeli and an Israelite?

About 100 calories.

Moving right

along, folks.

Every year, down in

Georgia, we put on a show-

Wait a minute.

Did you say Georgia?

Why, yeah, ma'am,

our proud govern state.

Do you think we could cheat

this local for Georgia?

For the right price,

I can play Laguna Beach

for the Golan Heights.

What's all

the whispering about?

Uh, Mayor Buckman.

Turner, VaI Tuner.

Producer.

Oh.

Well, I do think we

shall join your jamboree.

Well, that's great news

H it, Crow!

# Hot games and feasting'

Yeah! #

Ew.

Ugh.

# Hot games and feastin'

Yeah I

# Hot games and feastin'

Yeah I #

Christ on a cracker, boys.

After all

these 140 odd years,

sometimes, I think

we should just,

burn the whole goddamn

North in one giant bonfire!

Ah, but,

what's the style In that?

One shot discharge-

None, Captain my.

None at all.

You're damn

right, Harper,

besides, It goes

against tradition,

and quite frankly,

Is about all we got left.

The network

is gonna love this,

a bunch

of redneck outsiders

who thought the South won the Civil War.

They didn't?

No, Tina,

they didn't.

Duh, that's right.

It was the Nazis.

Anyway, while our

sister act pretties up...

Jesus, you and Jerry

go and do some scouting. See if you

can find some indigenous locations here.

You do know what

"indigenous" means, right?

Hey, VaI, why don't you, me and Bristol

do some Interviews

with the hicks?

You know, put

a face to the place.

If you don't mind, I'd rather

go with Jesus and Cherry.

What? You got a thing for this cholo?

What's that? You want me

to give you a second briss?

Chill out, Jay.

Look, I'll

carry your sh*t,

you just go show

her a good time.

Make sure you save enough

sugar for Black Cherry.

Cool?

Cool

Whatever.

Come on, get over It,

Jerry. Come on, come on.

If we nail this, the network

Is gonna be talking spin offs,

pay per view

blue ray box set.

If these fine folks of

Pleasant Valley play ball,

this gig

will never end!

I know I speak

for us all, sir,

when I say I'm proud to

be among the chosen few

here with you, In the chance

location of the troubles.

Well, God

bless you Harper.

You know, you're rigging' a goddamn

Mark Twain with you poetizing.

You have earned your spot

on the bus. Ya'll did!

Even Jezebel, too, Daddy?

Yeah, Jezebel, too.

Except she earned her spot in

the section called " Provisions"!

You don't mean

you're gonna harm-

I mean that stuffed

piece of lamb is gonna be

on my dining room table

next to some mint jelly

and a good bottle

of Muscatel

unless you boys go out there

and get me some Yonkers quick!

Now skedaddle!

And make me proud.

Or something like it.

So when's

your CD dropping?

End of summer.

Excuse me, your CD?

What happened to our CD?

We can't do everything

together Romy,

besides, it's music,

not a basketball team.

Yeah, the label wants me to record, too.

EM O meets

death metal.

Ha! Ballads

with balls.

Yo, yo, yo.

Check out Abder,

macking on my boy's

dill pickle.

Dude, I ever tell you about the

time I totally f***ed my baby sitter?

Bro, I thought you said your

uncle was your baby sitter.

Never mind.

So what's a hottie like you

doing with a limp dick like Jerry?

Ever hear of the dumb blond that slept

with the writer to get ahead in Hollywood?

Guess that was me.

Oh, baby, you're no dumb

blond, you're just misinformed.

See, it's not the writers or directors

that get you ahead, it's the teamsters.

You stick with me,

I'll hook you up.

Yeah, I've never heard that one before.

B*tch, I ain't

playing you.

Oh, yeah? So who are you

gonna hook me up with?

For one, a bunch of buddies got

this indie hard thing going on.

See, horror has its hell

these days, you know?

I would love to get

killed in a horror flick.

I bet you would and I

bet you'd look good, too

all naked and covered

in blood and sh*t.

Damn.

Yo, ladies.

It seems like

a job for a homie.

Oh, Yankee

suckee dickee?

I said "homie, "

not "homo. "

Give me

that thing.

Now that a gentleman

has eased our burden

we can finally

commence to practice.

Uh, excuse me ladies, but we were

in the middle of a conversation here.

Madre de Dios.

Uh, Jesus,

remember me?

Bristol, horror movies,

covered In blood?

Naked?

Ugh.

Madre de Dios.

Definitely more tongue.

Are you getting this?

You are perfect, Granny.

Sure you got

a tight shot?

Yeah, I got it.

Let's start

shooting, come on.

Am I good?

My rouge looks good?

You're beautiful.

I want you to really-

Okay, and action I

Our native

American friends-

All right. Cut. Cut I

Excuse me, but-

I'll excuse me,

but I'm the director

and I'm the one

who calls "Cut. "

I write

the checks, okay?

All right, the

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