2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams Page #3

structures aren't working.

Let me think. Granny,

profile. Give me a profile.

I got two.

Other profile.

Face this way.

All right, just

go with it. Action!

Our native American friends

taught us the many uses of maize.

You can boil it,

you can pop it,

and ladies, trust me,

with a little pig butter-

this corn cob makes one

hell of a nighttime buddy.

Lookie-Loo, Jezzle,

a fallen soldlerette.

Sniff her out, girl,

check her vitals.

Yo, get that beast

away from her.

That beast is my

lady friend, senor.

And If you are habia

Ingles you'd understand

she's telling you to

go call on M r. Harper.

M r. Harper?

Alexander Harper, honey. He our

veterinarian, he fix chicken and such.

Oh, he does people, too.

I want some, so pig

knuckle on the Chinaman.

Hey I

Yo, you mind?

The name's

Hucklebilly, dumb ass.

And I don't mind at all.

You like what

you see, little man?

My, my, my,

the South is rising.

Dang! It must've

gotten stung by a bee.

I'm all swelled up

down there.

Don't you have

some cotton to pick?

Some sh*t to shovel?

My chores are done.

It's playtime now.

Why are you

stampeding me?

Get your paws off me

you damned dirty yanks.

We'll give you

a lesson, H ucklefuck.

Hucklebilly,

ass clown.

The way things look down there you

two might wanna get yourself stung.

Party poopers!

Hello?

Yo, anybody here?

Looks like the little lady

can use my help, Santiago.

It's "Jesus. "

And no sh*t, Sherlock, she had

an accident, she bumped her head.

Give me that iron.

The one on the table.

You know,

If you like son,

I can also help you with

that speech Impediment.

Yo, Dracula,

it's called an accent.

The good doctor

needs his quiet, dude,

I suggest

you join the others.

Go on, boy, go on.

I must make sure you fix her good,

I don't want nobody suing me.

No need to worry,

we'll bring her round.

When she's done.

Whatever, ojete.

Knock yourselves out.

Oh, you can

crack corn on that.

Agh I

The secret

to Southern home cooking

is you never ever tenderize

without loving your blade.

I love you.

Treat your meat

as you would an old friend.

Ha! Come on in. Agh!

Or an enemy.

Or your friends and enemies!

Agh!

Agh! Agh!

It's dinner time!

It's dinner time Come

eat your goddamn.

It's time

What you doing

now, Rufus?

I'm making myself

a Jesus chicken.

Oh, Christ.

Cut.

Clamp. Clamp.

Wrist clamp.

Wrist clamp.

Pig's snout.

Plg's snout.

What the f***

Is going on here?

Well, you got

yourself a boo-boo.

When our livestock gets a boo-boo

we take 'em back and shoot 'em.

Please let me go, please.

You don't have to worry none,

honey. We ain't gonna shoot ya.

That would be

way too boring.

Ah!

Ah, just what

the doctor ordered.

No, please. I'm a good

girI, I'll do anything.

This little piggy went to market.

And this little plggy's stayed home.

And this little piggy

went whoo whoo whoo.

La, la, la.

All the way home!

Guess who?

You know what Granny told you

about coming in here like this.

Aw, the heck

with her, Jemima!

My passion for you

is stronger than candy.

It's hotter

than corn bread.

It's sweeter

than watermelon.

H m. Remember the first time

you crept into my stable,

told me how things

were gonna be,

I'd be

your tar baby,

I'd do

whatever you like,

no matter how dirty, or nasty

or forbidden it might be?

I am your

lord and master.

Are you really? Are

you really in charge?

Uh,

Are you really? Are

you really in charge?

I think so.

I'm gonna lick

you clean, Master.

Ah, Jemlma.

Oh!

Goddammit, Buckman! You

romancing my griddle cakes again?

No, Granny!

No. No.

You're just thinking about your darker

nature, is what you're thinking about.

Go on!

Oh, you race trader,

you chocolate dipping-

Guess who?

Oh, fudge dripping.

H mmm.

Black ebony!

# Do you even know

Who you are? #

# Facebook Superstar #

This is

a very expensive,

very uninsured camera

that my uncle Sal

got me for Passover.

And if it's f***ed,

I'm suing somebody's ass.

Probably yours,

I'm just saying.

And I'm saying,

that old hag

was chopping those chickens like

she was Jeffrey freaking Dahmer,

so f*** your camera! I

ain't filming these people.

At least these people are not

afraid of a little hard work.

Kiss my black ass, Val.

Bend over, honey,

and I will.

Hey, Bossman, why don't you let

me work the lens, I got experience.

Last time

you worked the lens,

it cost my Daddy half a

mill to buy back the video.

It made

you famous.

No sh*t, I got my

little bro through juvie.

Ah, look who's here,

so, Jesus,

where's Bristol?

Oh, she's with the

doc, PM S or some sh*t.

It's cool,

he's got a tent.

So let me get this straight.

You left Bristol with some, uh,

some white trash doctor and

it's 'cause he's got a tent!

Yeah, I thought you people

were with doctors.

You let them suck the sh*t out

of your fat asses, don't you?

That's it!

I can't work this way,

I mean, It's bad enough

I don't get per diem,

now I gotta take insults from

Speedy Gonzalez over here!

I'm finding Bristol

and I'm outta here.

You walk, you're in breach.

Then it's your ass getting sued.

Good point.

Chill out, Schindler.

I'll go get your girl.

Oh, no you don't.

Sit down.

You can go. Next scene

up Is Rome and Tina solo.

H m. Hot.

Walt. You think

two girls Is hot?

Totally.

All sushi

and no hot dog?

Sure.

No blunt objects, nothing

you can poke en eye out with?

I think two

girls is hot.

What?

F***.

# A shy Southern belle #

# A proud,

Confederate gentleman #

# Now they're

Lost in hell #

# This love once heaven #

Ugh.

There are

some desires

that even death cannot remove,

wouldn't you agree, Buckman?

Oh, yeah, like revenge.

I'm not talking

about killing'.

I'm talking about loving'.

Because that's always the

thirst before the slaughter

that gets

the temperature risin'.

Oh, yeah.

Well, thank God we got

that lovely Milk Maiden.

Screw our lovely

Milk Maiden!

And I'm sure you are,

you son of a b*tch!

Hey, Granny,

what's cooking'?

Huck?

Buck.

F***.

That's what

I'm trying to do!

Ugh.

It's stroke left,

then right,

and you might

wanna blow In her rear.

That really gets

Jezzie's juices flowing.

No way, same

with my baby.

Yes, ma'am.

You know it.

It gets them wet.

Like a bog

or a bayou.

Hey, how about next, you let Jezebel

give Biscuit a little pony ride?

Yeah I hear sawdust and

sawdust Is a real turn on.

What kind of doggie

biscuit is this?

Put him

down, now.

It's a him?

How can you tell?

Now!

Falcon, do something.

Hey, be gentle

with that, okay?

I can be gentle.

God dang

sodomites.

Doo, doo, doo.

Hm.

Hm.

Hm.

Ugh!

Now this right

here is unholy.

I'm too sober

for this sh*t.

You think Miss

Bossman will miss us?

Oh, Miss Bossman's too

lost to worry about us.

Hm-hm.

Hm.

I wonder what type of J

these freaks are smoking.

They stay in character

like this all day?

10 to 1 It's

as fine as mine.

Parati. Parami.

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