2001 Maniacs: Field of Screams Page #4

Come on, baby,

let me fuego.

Yo, where'd

everybody go?

Where's the party at?

Soldier blue.

Soldier Blue? What the

f***'s a Soldier Blue?

Pearl? I'll give you

a pearl necklace.

Soldier blue.

Oh! Here's where

the party's at.

Hello? Ladies?

Oh, you girls wanna

play hide and seek?

K- Jay loves

hide and seek.

blue.

Want to slip

Into something more-

Comfortable?

Why are we

doing this again?

Look, I told you

it's representational.

The epic struggle between

the North and the South.

Brother against brother,

sister against sister.

Good against evil!

Just take her top off.

I'm too f***ing stoned

to undo all this sh*t.

Take them off.

Shut up.

I need to get out

of this place.

I do too, baby,

we just got here.

Did you blow your nose on me? You

got some f***ing mocos In there?

No, shut up.

Green-nosed goblins.

I feel like I'm back In the

sweatshop In Tegucigalpa.

She's totally a Lesbian

and won't f***ing admit It.

My name is VaI

and I am a Lesbian.

Will you please reprogram

me with your Mexican wiener?

Take off

my bandanna, baby.

Uh?

Are you ready to put on our

f***ing Confederate clothing?

To join

these a**holes?

Did you

hear something?

I did.

What was that?

Now we get down

to business, Soldier Blue.

Five dollar,

I make you holler.

Whatever you like

I do for you.

How about 20

for plenty?

Okay.

Oh.

So glad you could join us for your

complimentary old time photograph.

You're gonna take

pictures of this sh*t?

We like to capture the true

essence of our "jamboree. "

Hey, I'm down.

Just keep it off the net.

Uh-uh-uh.

Don't you move, boy.

We need you sitting' still.

Lest they come

out blurry. Ooh!

F*** me like you're gonna

get your green card, baby.

Emancipate me, baby.

Emancipate me!

Faster, you Mexican

jumping bean!

Darn ya', Oprah, you grunt

louder than a churchyard chicken.

Well, nice and tight,

Miss Scarlet.

N ice and tight

and hard and firm.

Exactly how I like it.

Oh I I'll bet you do, son.

I'll bet you do.

Well, Granny,

it looks like our honored

guest is ready for his closeup.

Walt, dude, I don't wanna

have my picture taken anymore.

Want has nothing to

do with it, M r. K-Jay.

That's right, boy.

I am sure,

that these fine Southern gentlemen

didn't want their portraits taken neither.

I am sure that they did

not want to be in this war,

and I am

especially sure

that they did not want

their family and houses

burnt to the ground

by you Northern heathens

Whoa! " Northern heathen?"

Dude, I'm from Burbank.

That's where

the devil lives.

Bye-bye.

Say cheese!

Oh I

Good boy I

Smoking I

Oh!

Puker!

Dang It, Granny.

He didn't smile.

Oh, well.

# Yankee Doodle went to town

To bone himself a hottie #

Amen, brother.

# Stuck his feather

I n her cooch #

# like fresh baked manicotti #

Hell, yeah. Fresh baked.

What's your name?

It's Hucklebilly, dumb ass.

What's my name?

H ucklebilly, dumb ass.

Typical I I'm out there,

sweating my ass off,

and the two of you

are sitting here,

getting this mentally

ill child stoned.

Shut the f*** up, retard!

It's Hucklebilly, Mister.

I promise, I'll

just film It, no web.

So anyone know whether

Jackass ever found Bristol?

Hate to bring

It to you, Moses,

he's probably off plowing

Bristol in some corn field by now.

Excuse me, that's Rome's

boyfriend you're talking about.

Yeah, man, don't be a hater.

Suck my salty

Salvadorlan sack.

You'd probably like that. You

little twisted reality show wannabe.

Enough I Look, Jesus,

unless you want to crash the unemployment

line like the rest of your family,

I suggest you get

this tin can moving!

As soon as we get what we

want from these rednecks

we'll get the hell out of

this f***ing two-bit sh*t hole!

Come on!

All right.

I hear you, boss.

I can scam

one of them tires

off that old school bus

those freaks got

Whatever It takes.

I wouldn't advise

that, my friends.

Some folks

around here

just might be inclined to

define that as stealing.

Stealing is

a sin.

I wasn't gonna

steal nothing, abuellta.

I said "borrow. "

I guess borrowing is okay.

That ain't stealing.

Maybe we can help

you out with the tire.

But first-

Yee-haw I

I'll tell ya', Granny,

that display of majesty

makes this Colonel

weak in the knees

and full

in the groin.

Ugh!

Bucky, I ain't

begging no more.

It's time you discharge your

musket, Confederate style.

Madam, lead me

to my execution.

Yee-haw I

You'd better be getting all this.

This is money

in the bank.

Solid gold.

Oh!

Buck-man. Buck-man.

Buck-man. Buck-man.

Candy apples.

Buck. Buck. Buck.

Candy apples?

Yee-haw!

How do you like

these candy apples?

Them ain't real.

Theme's plastic.

Probably got

worms in it, too.

My mighty sword!

My mighty sword!

My mighty sword I

Crow! Crow! Crow!

Crow?

Crow?

Buck?

Oh,

too much dark meat,

b*tch!

Ah!

Now, for our

next demonstration,

we're gonna need

another volunteer.

Oh, oh, oh I

Ugh.

You boy, with the smiling

eyes, you'll do fine.

Yes!

M mighty fine.

Come on up

now, boy.

I ain't got

eternity. Come on.

Don't mind

the darkness none.

You ain't never heard

Helen Keller complain.

Turn around now, boy.

Step on right up on here.

Come one. Show everybody

your pretty face.

Now you see him?

Uh-

Now you don't!

So, should I keep

the blindfold on, or-

Uh, hello?

Hello?

So weird.

Ah, okay.

Hello?

Hello. Is anybody here?

Howdie ho there, boy.

What the f***?

It hurts.

What kind of man are you, you

can't handle a little arm wrestle?

Sh*t, Rufus. I knew

you were different.

I knew you

were different.

You see right through me, don't you?

Right through

your heart.

My heart?

Yeah, you know, all my life

I've kept my heart in the closet.

Lately though, my ass keeps poking out.

Whoa! I ain't

queer like that!

But that don't mean you gotta stop.

I don't know.

Maybe you're right.

Listen, this is the

wrong time, wrong place.

I'm dead!

Ain't that the truth.

Ugh. Agh!

Agh!

I'll give you Brokeback.

H m. H m.

# Revenge is sweet When

you're munching On the meat #

# Of a Yankee

Whose doodle is so dandy #

# We don't like to boast #

# But we make a tasty roast #

# With grilling

We're really pretty handy #

# 'Cause we're cannibals

Cannibals, yes it's true #

# And there's just no way

That you will survive #

# We're cannibals #

# Cannibals, yes it's true #

# And you know we're gonna

Eat you dead or alive #

Hit it!

Ah!

Ew.

I clean up pretty

good, don't I?

Without further undue,

I would like to introduce

one mean ass mother f***er

butt kicking son of a b*tch.

Yeah!

Buckman!

Yeah!

Go, go,

Buckman, go!

Go, go,

hl, Buckman I

Good evening, one and all! I hope

you're enjoying the show so far.

Can I get a Yee-haw?

Yee-haw I

I wanna tell you, tonight

we got a show for you

you ain't never gonna forget or

my name ain't George W. Buckman.

I know you've been worried

about where your compatriots were

well, we were too, until we

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