200 Cigarettes Page #6

Uh-oh.

? Pass that by me one more time??

Ellie.

Oh, that's perfect.

Perfect. Good for you.

Wait.

That's perfect.

What are you doing here?

I was contemplating using

the bathroom, a**hole.

This is such

an incredible coincidence.

Isn't this

an incredible coincidence?

Yeah, it's incredible.

It is incredible.

- Weird.

- I can't believe it.

Twenty-four hours ago,

you were so heartbroken,

and now you're throwing

yourself at her?

Her? We're just friends.

You remember Lucy.

Why did you have to bring her

to our coffee shop?

It's not what you think.

You know what?

It doesn't even matter

what I think.

Don't. Wait,

where you going?

Off. Off. Off.

To call my therapist.

You can't call your therapist

on New Year's Eve.

I'm staying at his place.

Oh, so you're

shacking up with him?

No, I'm not

shacking up with him.

I'm staying there until

I find a new apartment.

Wasn't there enough room

at Jack's?

What are you talking about?

Well, I just happened

to hear a whole story

about how you and Jack

were sleeping with each other

the entire time we were going out.

Oh, stop it. You're insane.

I've never slept with Jack.

What?

I have never slept with Jack.

I don't believe you.

You know, I just...

I just left a message

on your machine

saying I wanted to move back in.

That is so pathetic.

Fine. You know what?

Enjoy. Enjoy.

But, baby!

No, don't baby me.

OK, so I was wrong about Jack.

Jack?

Uh, hi. Um...

- Cheryl.

- Cheryl. Right.

I can't believe you

don't remember my name.

What are you talking about?

It's Cheryl.

I just... I just said.

Cheryl, right?

So, uh, how... how are things?

You said you were going out

of town for New Year's Eve.

Really? I said that.

That's, uh, that's fun...

It's funny. I don't

remember saying that.

You said you'd be gone all week.

Oh, I did say that.

Uh, and, uh,

you know what happened?

My ski trip. Ahem.

I was supposed to go

on a ski trip

and it got canceled.

You said you were flying to L.A.

to audition for a sitcom.

I did?

I can't believe

I was stupid enough

to care about you, Jack.

Uh, look.

Uh, Cheryl...

Just do me a favor.

Don't call me again.

OK?

Jerk.

Good to see you, too, Cheryl.

Hap... Hap...

Happy New Year. Hi.

She's my friend.

Hey, pal, did you see, uh...

Right.

Cindy, uh, you OK in there?

I'm just fine.

Great, Jack.

[Speaking Hindi]

OK, it's, uh, how you doing?

Uh, Cindy, please,

we're making a scene.

Could you come out of there now?

Um... yeah.

Uh, you about ready to go?

Because I think I'd really

like to get out of here.

Like right now.

Cindy!

I'm coming.

Please. Please, Cindy.

Look, I'm sorry I yelled at you.

For reasons

I can't explain right now,

I need you to come out

of the bathroom.

Come out.

Oh, my God.

You look like you're about

to throw up or something.

I know. I look terrible.

No, no, that's not what I meant.

I mean, look, so what,

you ate a chili.

It's no big deal.

Yeah, sure, you say that now,

but tomorrow, it's going

to be another story.

You know, tomorrow,

it's going to be,

Oh, no, there's that chili girl

calling me again."

Come on. You don't know

that's going to happen.

[Blows Nose]

Eww.

I just wanted everything

to be perfect.

Because, Jack, I really think

you're the most...

I just think you're so...

What? What?

I just think you're

a really nice person, Jack.

You think I'm nice?

You are nice.

Remember last night

when I got the nosebleed

at the party?

You know, most guys

wouldn't even look at me

after something like that.

Most guys.

Uh, why don't we...

why don't we take this outside?

What?

Let's just talk, but outside.

Oh, OK.

Not in... no, here,

wait a minute.

No, no, no, no, this way.

I paid the check already.

I got your coat, your gloves.

[Crash]

Ow!

? She's got Bette Davis eyes?

? She'll take a tumble on you?

? Throw you like you were dice??

Hey, guys.

Here we go. Whoop...

This is yours.

Can you tell I'm a professional?

Cheers.

Bartender:

Happy New Year.

'82, rock on.

Ah, that's really good.

So, no. The answer

to the unspoken question.

I won't be serving

Mai Tais my whole life.

Tell me about it.

I'm a secretary.

That's nothing. I'm a waitress.

That's great.

What would you rather be doing?

Um... well, I'm in my

third year of law school.

Law school?

You're kidding.

Bridget:
You mean

you're not an artist?

No. As a matter of fact,

I'm not kidding.

My dad's a lawyer,

and turns out

I picked up a little bit

of a knack for the thing

off the old man, and...

I mean, that's only what

I wanna do short term

before I get out and play

the market full-time.

That and buying and selling

converted co-op properties.

Condos is something

that I'm gonna get into.

You know,

you gotta ride this wave.

This is Reaganomics.

This is the time to invest,

prime the pump.

I'm kind of nervous.

Can you tell?

It's the first time

I've ever been on

a date with 2 girls.

It's kind of cool.

Do you guys like to dance,

or do you like Devo or what?

You know what?

I mean, those outfits

really feature you guys well.

They're really sexy.

My clothes and those clothes

would look good on my floor.

Seriously.

By the way,

how do you like your eggs

in the morning?

Scrambled or fertilized?

No. I'm kidding.

That's a joke.

[Punk Music Blares]

I can't believe I'm letting you

drag me back into this skank pit.

I'm gonna go find Tony.

Yeah, OK.

All right.

I can't believe you

let him French you.

Will you grow up already?

[Boogie Wonderland Plays]

Hey! Hey!

I thought you were giving

that package to your friend.

Yeah. He went to a party

on Avenue D.

We have to go meet him there.

- What?

- Cool.

Wanna dance?

Yeah. Sure.

Did you say D, D like dog?

Whoo!

[Burp]

I'm getting out of here.

Val! Val!

? Find romance?

Val!

? Start the dance?

? Find romance?

Val!

Val!

Val!

? In boogie wonderland?

? Boogie wonderland?

? You say your prayers?

? And don't, you don't care?

? You dance and shake your hands?

? In boogie wonderland?

? Boogie wonderland??

I mean, we're not talking

physical oddity here, right?

I mean, the dimensions

that we're speaking of,

they're well within

the standard range

of normal human proportions.

It's not that.

Oh, the time I fell asleep.

Woman, I was tired.

I mean, I'm only human,

for Christ's sake.

It wasn't that either, OK?

Well, what then?

What was so horrible that you

never even gave me a chance?

I mean, a person can make

progress, you know.

I mean, there's techniques

you can learn

and books you can buy.

No. I don't think

that would've helped.

So I'm hopeless?

That's it. I'm hopeless.

You still have your work.

Oh! My work! My work!

Of course. Thank you.

Thank you.

I feel fantastic now.

Eric, look, some things

just can't be helped, you know?

Yep. I understand.

You bring me over here,

and you tell me

I'm the worst lover you ever had.

And now you tell me

it can't be helped.

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes