20 Year Old Virgins Page #3

Burn.

It wasn't a McDonald's.

It was a Taco Bell, there's a difference.

Oh, that is a lot better.

What is this?

It's a game of mind and strategy.

So what you gotta do,

you gotta try to move those blocks

from one peg to the other without getting

one of the bigger ones on

top of the smaller ones.

Yeah, figured it out in 15 seconds.

Yeah, I'm sure you did.

An Oreo in here, I wanna

put crepes in here,

and I want a cherry here, I love it!

I just gotta have some more.

I love fried food sand it's delicious.

And speaking of foods we actually

have our food pyramid,

which typically people

call the food pyramid,

and today we have, we're

gonna start at the top,

we have fats.

Speaking of which, here he is, okay,

and he's out of here.

All right, we have

milk, yogurt, and cheese group.

Moo!

And then we have our meat, poultry, fish,

dry beans because wet ones are bad,

wet ones are real bad.

I like, speaking, I usually get wet ones

from the beans.

I tell you what, we also have

our vegetable group.

Come on in here.

Okay, I guess thats another

way of doing it.

Right.

All right.

I'm going to work.

Later, bro.

Hey, bro, pound it.

Stop.

All right, yeah.

What?

(indistinct yelling from TV)

We start off with our cake group.

Mmm, I gotta have some

cake because cake is delicious,

I love it.

And then we have the cookie group.

I love some cookies, they're great.

And then we have the do nut group.

I love it.

And then we have, finally,

the Teddy Ruxpin group, delicious.

Dude.-Huh?

We gotta figure out a way to make money.

Dude, yeah.

Make money and get chicks.

Yeah, make money, get

chicks, and get laid.

No, no, no.

Get money, get chicks,

get laid, and have sex.

Yeah, having sex with real girls.

Dude, what are you writing?

I'm filling out a job application.

I'm gonna get a job at the mall

where all the hip dudes hang.

And once I get in with

them l'll hook you up.

Nice.

Yeah.

Okay.

I got stuck on some stupid questions.

Common "kuh-now ledge".

What the f*** does that even mean?

Okay, so whos the current president

of the United States?

It's that Irish dude, isn't it?

You know.

O'Reilly?

O'Ryan?

Dude, you know this.

Dude, you took geography, you know this.

Uhhh...

Oh, oh, oh!

Obama, right?

Dude, I knew you had it, yes.

Okay, all right.

So what's the capital of California?

Dude, C.

Oh, oh, yeah, yeah, duh, duh,

I mean, I knew that, I knew that.

All right, sign here.

Here?

Since when did they start adding

that to applications?

What the... What's my sign?

How do you like the place?

Well, it's pretty cute, pretty cute.

Yeah, I like it a lot.

So you ready to have some fun

before you get in

another controlling relationship?

Oh, I am so ready.

That's what I wanna hear.

You're gonna have fun with us.

Hey, did I tell you that this place has got

a pool in the back?

No way.

That's where I'll be.

You don't think this

complex has any perverts in it,

do you?

I don't think so.

Oh, well, too bad.

Oh, my God.

Well, let's get you moved in.

All right.

Hey, loser.

What's the matter?

Blow up doll still hasnt arrived yet?

Hey, Rock, I heard California

just legalized same sex marriage.

You must be thrilled.

The f*** did you just say?

Rock?

Idiot can't even spell.

What a loser.

Yeah.

That's how you spell posers.

Dude, maybe we are losers.

Dude, look.

You never see chicks like

that hanging around video gamers.

No, they don't.

You never see 'em hanging out with Trekkies.

No, they don't.

And it definitely doesn't help

that we didn't even know who

Admiral Spark was.

So who do they hang out with?

Dude, dude, dude,

go back to the channel that the

chicks were hanging out in.

Which one?

It was like, two channels back.

Go, go, go back.

Go back, go back, go back.

Yeah, yeah, that one, here it is.

Are you sure?

Mhmm.

I'm pretty sure.

Skaters!

You look good.

Dude, I think you look good.

Yeah.

Man, I'm still hungry.

Dude, let's go eat at that fine

establishment right there.

Okay.

No.

Not even.

No.

Yeah, two stink.

Right this way.

You guys need a minute?

Nice name.

What'd you name the other one?

Yeah.

You should name the other one Cheeks.

Yeah, Rosie Cheeks.

Dude.

Do you want, okay, how

much are your drinks?

A dollar 95.

Okay, and then how much are your refills?

The refills are free.

Okay, let me get two refills

and then two grilled cheeses.

All right guys, really, can

I take your order?

Yeah, where do you wanna take it?

Yeah, and before you take it can you help me

take my jacket off?

Yeah, you want a jacket off?

You guys aren't even wearing jackets.

I know.

Do you wanna help me jack it off?

Yeah.

Wait.

How rude.

She totally walked away without

taking our order.

Dude, that's weak, man.

What kind of customer service is that?

The manager's coming, he's got this.

Hello.

Watch the tee.

You wanna deal with it?

I told you this wasnt a good idea.

Get out of here you goddamn clowns.

Dude.

Let's go.

Ow, my knees!

Just go.

Gene, I'm starting to think this

whole skateboarder idea

isn't such a great thing after all.

Dude.

Maybe you're right.

We just got kicked out.

Let's just go home.

Yeah.

I need some pain pills.

It's useless.

My life is ruined.

Hey, old dude, what's wrong?

It's over with.

My life is ruined.

Dude, what happened?

I, I recently married

a very beautiful, vivacious,

gorgeous 28 year old woman.

She gave me a blow job every

morning I woke up.

One before l went to bed.

And I could f*** her any time I wanted to!

That sounds like a great life!

Yeah, dude.

What the hells the problem?

I can't remember where I live!

That is a problem, old dude.

Sorry, we can't help you.

Good luck with that, dude.

Yeah, take care, dude.

Dude, I wish I knew where he lived.

If we knew where he lived we

could f*** his wife.

Oh, man, dude, I'm so hungry.

Dude, me too.

Do you have any money on you?

Dude, hold on, you reminded me.

Check out this giant silver dollar I found

the other day.

Oh, no way.

Check out the head.

It's my money and I need it now.

Dude, you can have it.

Just go, just go.

Dude, just go.

Look, dude.

Whoa, check this out.

Eighty-two percent of accidents occur

within twenty miles from home.

We should probably think about

moving or something.

Yeah, at least twenty miles away.

Dude, check this out.

Let's go into that 711 store and let's go in

to buy something, right?

When we go to pay for it once

we're gonna pay for it

we run because then the cashier

is gonna think we stole something.

It's gonna look so funny, dude, let's go.

Okay, okay, let's do it.

Stop running you sons of b*tches,

what did you steal?

Go!

(indistinct yelling)

What the, holy sh*t!

What the f*** was that?

You almost got us killed.

I saw that plan go really

different in my head.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Man.

We should just get to the park, man.

Dude, we gotta toss the evidence.

Toss the evidence.

Tastes like sh*t anyway, let's go.

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