20 Year Old Virgins Page #4

Hey, you guys know where the skate park is?

In hell, I hope.

Is that on the east side?

Oh, man, did you hear this?

Dude.

Excuse me.

Where can we find skaters?

In jail, where they belong.

Whoa, they let you skate in jail?

I don't know, it's

probably because they're bored

or something.

Yeah, probably.

I think she just flipped us off.

She flipped us off, didn't she?

Man, whatever.

We should sign Mike up for this.

Dude, and Rock, too.

Hey, boys.

And what class are you here for?

Uh, um, I, both.

Neither, we were just passing by.

Oh, that's too bad.

What class are you here for?

Well, I'll give you a clue.

Oh, I'm good at clue games, I got this.

It's not A**holes Anonymous.

Okay, okay, it's not A**holes Anonymous

then we can eliminate that one.

So it's gotta be some thing else.

But what can it be?

Think, think.

It's Sex aholics Anonymous.

Dang, I would have, I

would have gotten that

in a couple more minutes.

Listen, boys.

How about you come to my place

and help me move my bed.

It's too big for me to move by myself.

We can do that, yeah.

All right, my car is over there.

All right, here we are.

It's over here, boys.

Have a seat, boys.

I'll be right out.

I think we can do it.

I don't know where she wants us to move it.

The living room?

I don't know.

So, what would you little maniacs

like to do first?

Dude, I think I've seen

this in a movie once.

Yeah.

What happened next?

You boys have never done

it before, have you?

We've taken tons of showers.

Not together.

If we're going to have any fun

you boys need to relax.

Honey, I'm home.

Oh, sh*t, my husband is home.

Husband, sh*t!

How do you open it?

Dude, go!

Is that your car out there?

Thank God I found it.

I thought I was lost.

I thought you were supposed

to be at a meeting.

God damn it, Natasha, not again!

God damn it.

You little shits!

What is this sh*t?

Get out of here.

Look who's got popsicles.

Ooh, thank you.

I love popsicles.

Me, too.

Hey, wanna know why a

Popsicle is better than a man?

'Cause it lasts longer?

And you don't have to

wait an hour for seconds.

I've got a joke.

Do tell.

What is the difference between

trash and a brunette?

What?

The trash gets taken

out at least once a week.

All right, are we ready to go to the pool?

Think so.

We've got our bikinis.

Check.

Towels.

Check.

Sun tan oil?

Check.

Tunes?

Check.

All right, let's go.

Do you think we lost him?

I hope so.

Where'd the...?

Dude do you think you dropped it?

That TV show's full of sh*t, man.

There are no chicks here.

(indistinct conversation)

You guys new here?

No, we been around.

Yeah, yeah, we're from the east side.

What do you guys do?

Oh, you know, half

pipe, full pipe, the pipes,

360s, 180s, anything, any

three digit numbers, really.

Yeah, yeah.

What about rails?

Yeah, rails, jails, sails.

Just about, you know, everything, man.

Let me see what you got, then.

Yeah, yeah, we just, we're

just chilling, bro.

You guys don't know sh*t, do you?

No, no, we do it all, we can do everything.

Come on, man.

What she said.

Oh man, you're wasting my time,

f***ing posers.

Man, whatever.

Let's get out of here.

What just happened?

What the f*** was that?

Dude, I'm starting to see

why people don't like these guys.

Yeah, seriously.

Oh, look what we got here.

What are you posers doing this week?

Acting as gay, retro skaters?

Do you even know how to ride these things?

Yeah.

Dude, what's it look like?

I'll tell you what it looks like.

It looks like two morons spent

their paper route money

on shitty skateboard equipment and clothes

just so they can fit in someplace.

Here, I'll give you some good advice.

Save your money, spend it on internet porn

because that's the closest you'll

ever be to real girls.

Why do you have to bean a**hole, Rock?

Dude, is that my shirt?

Oh, yeah, probably.

I found it in the laundry room.

It makes a good wash cloth.

Thanks, bud.

Hello?

You pack my sh*t up yet?

Oh, it's you.

Yeah, who'd you think it was?

Him calling back for sloppy seconds?

Kiss my ass.

Suck my balls.

Eat me.

Whose number is this?

I'm at my brother's house with his fruity

little roommate, Eugene.

What's up, bro?

So what were you doing with Jennifer?

You know what I was doing with Jennifer.

Stupid phone cord.

Look, Shawn was there, too, ask him.

At night?

That's the only time no one uses the pool.

Gene should see this.

How are you trying to turn

this around on me?

You're the one who f***ed around.

Come on!

Dude.

Put my sh*t outside, I'll

pick it up tonight.

Dude, I think,

I think we should go out there

and pretend we're sun tanning, too.

No, no, dude, dude, if we go out there

they're gonna feel uncomfortable,

they're gonna leave.

Oh, you're right.

Maybe I should just get my

camera and record them.

Yeah?

What are you faggots up to?

Bro, it's just...

What are you homos looking at?

Bro.

Sweet.

I'm going out there.

You two fags stay here and

stroke each other.

Bro.

Dude, has he always been a dick?

No, not his whole life.

Just as long as l can remember.

God, she's so hot.

Why can't we be out there?

Hey.

Hi there.

How are you doing?

Good.

How are you?

That's a lot of beers.

It is a lot of beers.

You know why I have a lot of beers?

Why?

Because I saw you guys.

Why does he have to get in our way?

They were supposed to be ours.

Dude, I think this is as close to them

as you're gonna get.

Why do you have to ruin my fantasy?

Dude, do you remember that scene

in that whole movie when the hot girl

comes out of the pool dripping wet

and she starts taking off her bikini?

Uhhuh.

Dude, I'm seeing that right now.

Yeah, which one?

Both of them.

Hey, Gene.

You know how cute we

always thought you were?

Hey, Don.

You know how cute l always thought you were.

Dude!

Dude, what are you doing?

Oh, dude, nothing!

Dude, go away.

Dude, dude, I'm going, dude.

All right, right here.

Like the place.

Yeah, not bad, huh?

This way.

Where we going?

Come on, come on, this way.

Door to the right.

Oh, look, a glory hole.

Ohhh.

Nice, big bed.

Dude, dude, come on, dude.

Dude, look, look.

Oh, man, dude.

Dude.

Dude, I'm gonna get

something from the kitchen.

Do you want something?

My camcorder.

What?

Dude, never mind, I'll get it.

Your sheets are so soft.

Yeah, they're nice.

Nevermind that peach fuzz too.

The hell is that?

It's a tomato, dude.

I know, I was talking

about the size of the hole.

Yeah, what I lack in height l

make up for in size, man.

Dude, just keep that thing away from me.

Dude, dude, by the way.

Great idea, dude.

Yeah, I know.

Dude.

Wait, wait, wait, dude, it's two chicks,

I can't let that go to waste.

Dude, oh, God.

Yeah, just look at that ass.

Dude, let me see, let me see,

dude, let me see.

Dude, that's Mike on top.

Dude.

No, no, no, no.

Before he was on top one

of the girls was on top.

And then he must have, oh, dude, nevermind.

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