22 Jump Street Page #12

care about each other.

All the good qualities you have,

I can feel inside of Maya.

I'm Gonna take the shot.

Don't take the shot.

I can shoot right

through your shoulder,

hit the b*tch right

in the chest.

Don't take the shot.

I'm taking the shot.

I'll take the f***ing shot.

Nobody take the shot before me.

How about we take it at the same time?

No one take a shot.

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

Sh*t! You have the right

to remain silent...

No, no, no, I got this.

You go handle the ghost.

He's on the roof.

I'm on it. I got it.

- What you looking at?

- Oh!

Good job on the

cuffs, baby girl.

So many f***ing stairs.

It's me! It's me! Sh*t.

You made it, dude. Did

you get Mercedes?

Yeah. All by myself.

Really?

Mainly by myself. Okay.

And, dude, you were

right, that lambo...

Just can't hear that right now.

It's a shitty-made car.

It's not good.

Hey, let's go. We got to go.

How many bullets you got left?

None.

Act like you have bullets, then.

We gotta go!

We have to wait for pudding!

Jenko!

Go, go!

Here, take this. Okay.

I tried to take a

bullet for you, man.

Yeah. But you didn't.

But I tried. It's the

thought that matters.

No, it's not the

thought that counts.

It's f***ing taking the bullet.

Cover me. I'm Gonna go long.

Okay.

Bye-bye, Terminator!

Hey! Get off of my chopper!

Can you shake him off?

I'm coming for

you, motherf***er!

Come on, just wiggle the

stick back and forth!

He's only got one arm!

I only need one arm to

punch you in the dick.

Shake him off! Shake him off!

Don't be a p*ssy!

Holy sh*t!

I did it!

I look so f***ing badass!

Oh, my God, you flew!

This is crazy!

You made the leap, man!

Why'd you do that?

'Cause you did it!

I couldn't leave

you hanging, man!

What are you talking about?

I was fine. I had it.

You weren't...

I got you! Sh*t! Schmidt!

I got you!

You saved my life!

I just realized something.

You don't hold me down, man.

You lift me up.

Literally and figuratively.

Yeah, I know. I meant both.

You don't drag me

down, either, man.

I mean, except right now.

You're dragging me down.

You're really heavy.

Hey, listen, there's a

grenade in my shorts.

Can you reach it?

You gotta go in from underneath.

Oh, sh*t!

Is that it? That's my dick.

What about that?

That's my dick also.

Why is it hard?

I have so much

adrenaline right now!

Is that it? You're tickling me.

I can't find it!

That's it! Grab it!

Yes!

No, I got it in my mouth.

Say something cool

when you throw it!

One, two, three!

Something cool!

They're gone!

Oh, I feel so...

Whoo-hoo!

We did it!

Dude, f***, I'm... Ow!

Oh! Sh*t, sorry.

Dude, I miss you so much, man.

I miss you, too.

You were like a tiny

little flower seed

and I was clenching

you in my fist.

But a flower, it can't

grow in a fist.

A little seed needs to fly

away free and find its soil.

Yeah, I know. I tried to soil

myself and, dude, I didn't like it.

I wanted a relationship

without friction.

Dude, you need friction

to create fire.

And that's what we

have, we have fire.

Dude, I'm in. I'm all in.

Thank God.

Dude, this is what I've always wanted.

Just me and you, buddy.

I love you.

Me, too, man. I love you, man.

You know what?

That's who he should

be with, man.

What?

Hey, what'd you say when you

threw the grenade up there?

I said, "something cool."

What did you say?

It was "something cool."

No, but what'd you say?

Yeah, I know. I said,

"something cool."

I didn't expect spring

break to be this stinky.

It's pretty gross.

Man, we're getting too

old for this sh*t.

We started off too

old for this sh*t.

You ain't lying about that.

Dude, we're even about the

arm thing, okay? Right?

What? What do you want to do?

Don't move. F***. All right.

Just get it over with, all right?

Don't move.

One... Just graze my arm.

I don't want you to hit the bone.

...Two,

three.

F***! F***! Sh*t!

Oh, my God, are you all right?

Sh*t!

Why, man? Why am I always

getting hurt around you?

- Jenko, what are you doing?

- Oh, f*** you.

F*** you, Schmidt.

Stop dicking around.

Hey, cap.

Congratulations, you two.

You managed to un-f*** up the

situation you originally f***ed up.

Thanks.

I wish you can

un-f*** my daughter,

but I'm Gonna let

that be the past.

Now, for your next mission,

you two sons of b*tches are

going to medical school.

What?

This time, foreign

exchange students.

Awesome. Yes!

In Russia.

What?

Do Svidanya.

Vodka soda.

Next assignment. A

semester at sea.

You two sons of b*tches are

going to culinary school.

There's a microchip

in this empanada.

Old family recipe.

Best to keep it a secret.

Oh, sh*t!

New assignment...

Cap, does Schmidt look

any different to you?

No. That's Schmidt.

I don't know what you're

talking about, man.

He look exactly the same to me.

I got new glasses.

Yeah, man, he just got some

new glasses, man. God damn.

No one's Gonna f***ing notice.

Let's do this, Schmidt.

Yeah. Just like we

always do, Jenkins.

It's Jenko. Sorry.

I'm really, really glad

you're back, Schmidt.

What are you talking about?

What contract dispute?

I've been here the whole time.

Man, shut the f*** up.

How about a flight academy?

Undercover just got

a whole lot sexier.

You're jump street, right?

Yeah. How the f***

do you know that?

I'm booker.

Oh, sh*t. Man, you're a legend.

Traffic school!

Military school.

Scuba class.

Dance academy.

Yes.

Finally something

I'm amazing at.

Your friends will be there

when your back is to the wall

you'll find you need us

'cause there's

no one else to call

You sons of b*tches is

Gonna be in a video game.

Let's blow sh*t up.

Jump street style.

We out of control

all over the place

and somebody gotta

put it to a stop, quick

out on the road

all up in your face

Get ready for a lifetime of

being badass motherfuckers.

It's inking in my mouth!

Don't f*** my daughter.

They're the jump street and

'bout to jump up in your ass

this the special unit that's

designed to keep it quiet

we infiltrate the dealers

and we find the damn suppliers

don't need permission

to decide what you believe

say jump, jumping

down on jump street

all right, new assignment.

Six hours of makeup?

We're getting too

old for this sh*t.

Nice.

wait, we just here

trying to find us

Schmidt went lookin',

till he found love

got his life

sweet, bon appetit

spring break, b*tch,

throw a party on the beach

sh*t did change,

but all that means

is that your real

friends don't ever leave

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