27 Dresses Page #5

- Nope.

- Thank you.

- I do it for my dad all the time.

You okay? You seem

a little bit nervous.

Yeah. No. I'm cool.

- How's it look?

- Great.

- Here you go. Mm-hmm.

- Thank you.

Oh, hey. Guys, guys! Hold it.

She's not the one. She's not the one.

Hey.Jane.

I'm so sorry. I should've called,

but you forgot your wallet.

Oh. Well, thanks.

Sorry I'm late.

Hey, guys. Now, now.

Jane, what's going on?

Come here, boy.

Golly. Here you go.

- Oh!

- Hey, Tess.

- Sorry.

- Um--

Will you do me a favor?

Sit down a second.

Okay.

So, Tess. My parents met playing hopscotch

when they were, like, eight years old...

and they were married

for 42 years.

And I've been waiting my whole life

to feel the way my dad felt about my mom.

And maybe I've been too busy

trying to make something of myself...

- but, I think I...

- Oh!

missed some

of those moments.

- But, Tess, the second that I saw you...

- Okay.

I knew that we could

be great together.

So, um--

Tess, will you marry me?

Yes, of course I will.

George.

So, wait. Does this mean

that you're moving back here?

Yup.

Whoa. Well, I-- I don't know what to say.

You give Jane a job...

then you get Tessie

to move back home.

George, you're my hero.

I mean it.

Oh, thank you. You have a couple

of pretty great girls here.

Wait.Just a second. I wanna get somethin'.

Don't go anywhere.

Who isn't?

I'm so excited

that we did this today.

- He's so happy.

- Tess.

Daddy!

- Your mother would've wanted you to have it.

- Daddy, thank you!

Okay.

- Thank you.

- Okay.

-Jane, you don't mind, right?

- No. No.

- You can have it after me.

- No. That's good. It's right.

Mom would've wanted that.

- Yeah. Mom would've wanted that.

- That's my Jane.

Okay. Yeah.

That's right.

It was my mother's.

- Isn't that amazing?

- That's beautiful.

Dad, I don't even know

what to say.

Uh, so I'm just trying to figure out why

you decided to meet with me.

You've been ducking me

and then, all of a sudden--

My little sister's

getting married.

- Ah, before you.

- That's not what I'm upset about.

Then what are you

upset about?

You don't know Tess.

She's gonna want me to do everything.

I'm not gonna just be

her maid of honor.

I'm gonna be taking care

of everything.

- So why don't you just say, "No"?

- What?

Say, "No."

- You have said, "No," to people before?

- Yes. Of course.

Many, many times.

In this situation, never. Not once.

Ah, but you want

to say, "No."

But I can't.

It's my sister.

But you can say, "No."

Because it's your sister--

All right. You know what we're gonna do?

We're gonna practice.

All right? We're gonna practice saying, "No."

You think I'm kidding?

Turn around. We're gonna play this game.

Come on. Humor me.

All right.Jane,

give me 50 bucks.

- No!

-Jane, it's 50 bucks. I'll pay you back.

No.

Jane, I need you...

to give me 50 bucks.

No?

Eh, not bad.

- Can I have your drink?

- Sure.

No!

- Oh, no.

- You were doing so well.

- That's terrible.

- Mm-hmm.

- So you went by the flower shop

and ordered the favors?

- Yup.

- Uh-huh.

- What about the invitation mock-ups?

- Done.

- This is so much fun!

Did I tell you I asked Julie

to be one of the bridesmaids?

- Who?

- Cousin Julie. Second cousin twice removed.

- What about Mimi? Cousin Mimi?

- Oh, no way.

She's so pregnant. It'll just throw

off the aesthetics.

I'm sorry. I know

you don't love Julie.

What's not to love about

a woman who asked me if I chaired...

the Itty Bitty Titty Committee

all through my teen years?

Just don't listen to her. Your b*obs came

in eventually. They just missed high school.

As for the third bridesmaid,

I want you to ask your friend...

- that really rude one.

- Casey?

- Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

- My Casey?

She's really pretty.

She can pull off the strapless.

I don't have that many girlfriends.

For some reason, girls just don't like me.

I don't know why.

Okay. Fine. I know why.

Will you just ask her?

Sure. Of course.

So I was also thinking we could

do a slide show for the rehearsal dinner.

You know, put pictures of George

and I together and say funny things.

- Okay.

- Oh, and guess what.

That writer you obsess about...

he wants to do a whole Commitments

column on us in the Journal.

He called me.

Can you believe it?

At this point,

I absolutely can.

Listen, um, I've been thinking a lot about

what you said, and I think you're right.

I think it would be so special if I did

a wedding just like Mom and Dad's.

-Just like?

- You know, especially since

I'm wearing Mom's dress.

So, ta-da!

- The Boathouse?

- Uh-huh.

At first, when I called, they said they had

no availability for 18 months.

But then the ninth time I called,

they said they had a cancellation.

Apparently the bride slept

with the groom's father and brother...

and sister

and all these people.

So, obviously, it got canceled

and they were all devastated.

But which means...

we're getting married

in three weeks.

Three weeks?

Uh-huh. Oh,Jane. I know

you can pull it together quickly.

And I didn't wanna wait

that long anyway, so--

Uh, you could be a little

excited for me.

No, I am. I am.

It's just--

It's just that you wanted to get married

at The Boathouse in Mom's dress too.

I know.

No, I just-- I didn't know that

that's what you wanted...

but if it is, then I just want

you to be happy.

- You know that.

- Great!

Okay. Now can we talk about

more important stuff?

Come on. I really don't like the linens,

and I think we need to rent new ones...

because they do not go with the color

scheme that I picked out.

That selfish whore.

- Namaste.

- Namaste.

I can't believe it.

I cannot believe it.

There is no man that won't fall for her.

Even a do-gooder like George.

Men just become hypnotized by her voodoo

and they lose their minds.

You can't plan your sister's

wedding to the man you love. It's sick.

To be fair, she didn't

know how I felt about him.

And nor should she--

He's my boss.

I'm just gonna have to get over it.

I don't really have a choice.

And neither do you.

She wants you to be

a bridesmaid.

You are shitting me.

- Hello?

- Please.

No. No, I won't do it,

on principle.

I say, "No," on principle.

No. You can count me out.

Please. Please don't

leave me alone in this.

- Please, please, please.

- Fine. Fine.

Because it's you. But if she crosses me,

I'm gonna kick her ass.

And then I will kick your ass.

Then I'm gonna have a couple drinks--

There's no sign

that says, "No talking."

Three weeks?

It cannot be done.

- It is not enough time for one of my creations!

- Okay, um...

Antoine, remember when I

brought you the Schecters...

and they commissioned that six-tiered,

heart-shaped masterpiece?

Then, of course,

the tower of edible gifts...

for the Schifman-Guardino

outdoor fiesta.

You can do anything,

and we both know it.

You're gonna do the cake,

and you're gonna do it in three weeks...

- and I would like a discount, please.

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