27 Dresses Page #8

It was the anniversary of the father's death.

The brother flew home from Afghanistan.

- You cannot fake emotion like that.

- Oh, yes, you can.

- A good writer can.

- You're not that good.

Nice!

There's gotta be one thing

about weddings that you like.

- Open bar.

- No.

All right.

So when the bride comes in

and she makes her giant, grand entrance--

I like to glance back at the poor bastard

getting married.

'Cause even though

I think he's an idiot...

for willingly entering into the last

legal form of slavery...

he always looks

really, really happy.

And, for some reason, I--

What the hell are you

looking at me like that for?

- Are you shitting me right now?

- What?

That's my favorite part.

Oh, my God.

We have something in common.

Yes. Well, statistically

that was bound to happen.

Uh-huh. I think you should just admit

that you're a big softy.

That this whole cynical thing

is just an act so that you can seem...

wounded and mysterious

and sexy.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa. What was that last one?

- What?

- Did you say sexy?

- What?

- Do you think I'm sexy?

- No.

- It's okay if you do. You think I'm sexy?

- I don't.

No. I think you think you're sexy.

That's the point I'm making.

- You think I think I'm sexy?

- Yes.

- Great song.

- I love this song.

# Hey, kids shake it loose-- a lemon #

# Gotta make a feather #

- Those are not the words.

- Those are exactly the words.

Sorry, lyric police.

What are the words?

#You're gonna hear

a handsome music #

# So the walrus sounds #

"Walrus sounds"?

- # Say, Penny's no longer in a cement jet #

- You're scaring me.

# Ooh, but you're so

laced down #

# Buh, buh, buh, buh

Bennie and the Jets #

# Ooh, in the wind

and the waterfall #

# Oh, baby,

she's a "revocaine" #

- # She's got electric b*obs #

- B*obs?

- #And mohair shoes #

- #You know I read it in a magazine #

# Oh-ho #

- I love this song.

- #B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets #

#She's got electric boots a mohair suit #

# You know I read it

in a magazine #

#Oh-ho #

#B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets #

- # Bennie #

- # Bennie #

- # Bennie #

- #Bennie #

- # Bennie #

- # Bennie #

# Bennie and the Jets #

These guys are rockin'!

That was cool!

Whoa!

I cried like a baby

at the Keller wedding.

Mmm.

Mmm.

Morning, sunshine.

- Hi.

- Here you go.

- Thank you. Mmm.

- Tow truck's on its way.

Okay.

I just want you to know--

Well, you know, I never do this.

- Oh, I know.

- No, really. Never. I never do this.

Really, I know. Last night, you kept saying it,

over and over again.

"I never do this. I never do this.

I never do this.

- I never do this. I never--"

- Okay.

I just wanted you to know.

Ah.

- No.

- No, I do. It's true.

- Here's your order.

- Thank you.

- Anything else?

- No, thank you.

H-H-Hey! It's "Bennie and the Jets."

Re--

# B-B-B-Bennie and the Jets #

#Bennie ##

- You guys-- Oh. That was awesome.

- Oh, thanks.

- All right. I'll see you later.

- Okay.

Oh, my God. I sang "Bennie and the Jets"

last night, didn't I?

Mm-hmm.

Very loudly.

And, might I say,

you were a little pitchy.

- I'm sorry. Me? What about you?

- Yes.

- You hit notes only dogs can hear.

- What?

- Truly. Truly high-pitched.

- No. I was in key, a-at least though, right?

My God.

You're that girl.

Yeah, I'm Bennie.

He's the Jets.

Hey, it's the girl

from the paper.

What paper?

Sh*t.

"Always, Always, Always

a Bridesmaid by Malcolm Doyle"?

What is this?

Jane--

- Oh, my God!

- Let me--

- Let me explain.

- Oh, my God.

Jane--

Jane!

Look, I told my editor

not to run it.

Nobody reads

that section anyway.

Come on.

Will you please just-

What the hell happened?

You said you were gonna hold it.

Well, you don't

make those decisions. I do.

Oh, God. I didn't even get a chance to tell her

it was running. She was ambushed.

Hey, I gave you

The only thing you should be saying to me

right now is "I love you."

- Oh! How could you let this happen to me?

- What?

"If Jane is the prototypical,

accommodating bridesmaid...

"then her sister, Tess, is cast as the overbearing,

overindulged bride-to-be...

"who at any moment, one worries,

might start stomping around Manhattan...

breathing fire and swatting planes

from the sky."

I had no idea he was writing

an article about me.

You? He called me "Bridezilla"

in the New York Frickin' Journal!

I could tear him apart, I swear.

I could tear him apart limb from limb.

- What?

- Can I speak to Jane, please?

The only person that you're

gonna be speaking to is my attorney!

And I don't even have an attorney,

but I'm sure gonna get one!

A**hole!

I gotta get outta here.

Oh, but you better alert

Traffic Control...

because Bridezilla's

on the loose!

Kevin-- Kevin--

Kevin, stop calling me!

Before you say anything,

can you just not say anything?

I don't understand.

To what are you referring?

Oh, come on.

It's no big deal.

It's just an article...

on the front page of the section...

with a million pictures

of you on it.

- Who's upset?

- Jane.

Let me just explain.

I had no idea what he was writing.

- I would--

-Jane, the guy was a jerk.

Okay? He took advantage of you.

- Don't worry about it.

- I know. I just-- I feel

like I should've seen it coming.

- I'm so sorry.

- Would you please stop apologizing?

The only reason I called you in here was

to make sure that you're okay.

Oh.

Well, I've been better.

I'm just trying

to get through it.

Look. I wouldn't

worry about it, all right?

- Does anybody read that section anyhow?

- No.

So after we hem it, I wouldn't--

-Jane, is that you?

- Yep.

- We'll talk about it after. Hi.

- Hi.

- Hi, Sue.

- Hi.

So, listen. I've been doing a lot of thinking

about the article fiasco...

and I've decided

to forgive you.

- Mmm.

- You're just very trusting...

- and it's not your fault, I guess.

- Mm-kay.

That's very big of you, Tess.

Thank you.

Wait. Are you

checking me off your list?

Um, about the slide show,

I know exactly what I want you to say.

So I wrote out a script. And Dad says

that you have all the family photos.

- Yep. Mm-hmm.

- So I'm gonna send you George's as well.

Um, here. Please say this

and only this.

- 'Cause we don't want to be embarrassed again.

- Okay. You got it.

Here it is.

- Step in.

- Okay.

- Yep.

- There you go.

- It's beautiful.

- You might have to unbutton that back.

- One second.

- Okay.

Perfect.

So what do you think?

I-- I thought

you were wearing Mom's dress.

It is Mom's dress.

Well, parts of it.

It was just so old-fashioned,you know?

So we could just use a few pieces here and there.

- Parts?

- Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Like this,

and the lace.

You cut up

Mom's wedding dress?

Well, technically Mary-Ella did.

But don't worry.

We saved you the rest.

And, I mean,

if you want,you can wear this...

as long as a silhouette's

still in fashion.

Mary-Ella, I think just the bottom

needs to be hemmed a little bit.

No. No, no, no, no.

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