30 Minutes or Less Page #4

we don't have anything left to say to each other.

- Last night two guys in masks

strucked me and strapped a bomb to my chest,

and now I have less than nine hours to rob a bank.

- You're hysterical. Great joke.

I'm going back to work now.

What is this?

What the f***? Is that real?

- I'm not f***ing around here! Two guys did this to me..

and if I don't rob that bank in time, this thing is gonna blow.

- Seriously?

- Seriously.

- And your first idea was to come to a

school filled with young children?

- Well, I guess...

I didn't really think about it.

- Just back away.

back away...back away.

Back away!

- I think the vest is probably safe for now. These guys don't want me to

blow myself up on accident before I get their money. Right?

Oh yeah, so you figure the two psychopaths..

that put a bomb to your chest made sure it was safe?

There's no margin for error...

That their f***ing bomb designed!?

I don't know!

All I do know is that this is real.

This is happening.

but I have nowhere else to go.

- For what?

I need your help. Okay.

I can't do this alone.

- Damn it!

But I wanna tell you,

You are f***ed!

- I know.

- But I can't!

Cos I'm a better man than you.

if I let you go and explode or whatever,

Cos that sh*t might come back

and eat at my conscience,

and affect my relationships with other people.

Like my wife and kids

and sh*t.

We're having a picnic or something, one day...

and I'd just be like...God damn it!

I shouldn't have Nick explode that time.

- That's a...very rational way to look at the situation.

And you're right,

about being a better man than me.

Just walk a few feet in front of me?

Yeah, I can do that.

Thank you.

Subtitle By D3xt3r

Did you miss me?

Of course, I miss you.

Don't lie to me.

Those guys get Juicy, but you get Jacklyn.

Alright, Cool Jacklyn...This is what I want.

First, I want my money,

And I wanna kill that old motherf***er,

then get the f*** out of here. Alright?

- Well, that's how it's gonna go.

We're just waiting on a call.

You see my impatient face right here.

- Well, I think I can keep you entertained.

C'mon Baby.

- Oh, that's nice!

Okay, once we sawed both of your arms,

Slip the vest over your head. Then, go to the hospital, where they'll

reattached both your arm. We'll just keep your arms on ice the whole time.

- F*** that!

Well, I don't know what to do, man!

All these sites say different sh*t.

There's not a lot of consensus

in the bomb disarming community.

What do they do in 'The Hurt Locker'?

- I don't know, I didn't see it.

Yeah, me neither. I NetFlixed it like six months ago.

It's just been sitting on my coffee table.

Its so dumb, I'm paying like $12.99 a month.

Just keeps same 3 movies in line..

- Just keep on looking online okay?

- Alright, you can't expect me to become

a bomb disarming expert, after looking online for 5 minutes.

- It's too tight!

Can you please take this seriously, Okay?

This is scaring the sh*t out of me.

This guys may've been following me,

I have no idea what they look like.

They could be anywhere.

- Call the cops!

- No we can't!

They see the cops show up,

they blow the vest and cut their losses.

- What do I do, Chet?

What do I do?

- I don't know man!

- I guess you gotta just rob the bank.

It's gonna be okay.

No, it's not gonna be okay!

I'm gonna blow up!

C'mon!

Get yourself together!

F*** Chet!

You know exactly how to rob a bank.

- What are you talking about?

- Point Break.

That movie is like a how-to guide for bank robberies.

You just bust in.

Masks. Guns. Move fast.

Stick to the tellers and don't bother with the vault.

- Yeah...You are right.

I guess it's pretty simple

The Donner-Wells on Charles Road.

- The one by the Olive Garden?

That's my bank.

Small. Standard Security...

Totally manageable for one dude.

- One dude..you mean...

You're gonna do it with me?

- No. But I'm happy to give Tips..

advice..motivational speeches....

- Oh Chet, Please...Jesus Christ!

I need you on this, Okay?

If I do it alone, I'm dead. Please?

- Okay, Just tell me this.

How many times, Did you sleep with my sister?

- Just once.

I swear to God. Graduation night.

- Okay.

I'll help you on one condition...

You never mention my sister again,

and you never speak to my sister again.

Okay.

Yes, we can do this.

Whoah, Ski masks.

- Perfect!

- Alright.

Okay, here we are.

So, we get the handguns...or the Uzis?

What do you think?

Get down on the ground and give me the money in the bank!

- Wait, how am i suppose to get the money..

If i'm on the ground?

- Go get the money in the bank,

and get down on the ground, afterwards!

- Alright, I'll be right back.

Dude, you totally f***ed up this mix tape.

We're not a bunch of frat guys,

trying to finger bang girls to MatchBox 20.

Should be like, some industrial sh*t.

Some, f***ing German Techno.

- Sorry, Dwayne.

That song just means a lot to me.

- Well, it doesn't mean a lot to me.

It means a f***ing headache to me.

And suppose this guy,

could f***ing hurry up!

- Are you worried about that other guy

that f***ing mini G?

- No, man. He picked him up from the school.

So long as he's not a cop, I don't give a sh*t.

He can bring the whole f***ing faculty for all I care.

As long as he gets my money.

- Oh, check that.

- Are you looking at Subway..

You want me to run over and get some sandwiches?

I'm hungry as sh*t, dude.

- Look!

It will be the perfect place for the tanning salon.

- You are so right.

- Yeah.

- You know, I've been doing a lot of thinking.

and I want you to start off the front counter.

I know, it sounds like a demotion,

but it's not.

Alright, It's a very important job.

We're gonna be using a lot of code words and sh*t.

- For what?

- Well Say..a gentleman walks in and says ,

"Hello, good afternoon. I'd like a tan".

Well, that just means that he wants a tan.

Okay.

But if a guy comes in.. and he's like..

" Yo! I want a deluxe tan,"

Well..that means he wants a tan and a blow job.

Which mean, you have to go to the back and...

- and Blow Him?

No. You have to find a girl,

who's gonna suck him off.

- Okay.

Guns..

Masks..

Are you sure, you 'all don't want to grab some condoms?

- Uh, no. Why??

- Because this is usually what men buy before they rape someone,

We're not rapists.

Us two..? Small fries, No way.

- Is that cash or credit for your rape kit?

This is a Slider station and a rape kit.

Cos we're getting one of those too.

- We'll pay cash.

not into rape, just into sliders.

If it's anal, Is it a Hard anal then?

No, no. The anal will tip it off too much.

- What if a black guy comes in,

will he go to tanning glover?

- No, we're not going to profile,

racially..our clients.

We don't say anything, if a black guy comes in.

If a dude comes in, that wants a black chick...

Then, yeah. That'll be a tanning glover.

We have codes for that.

Do we have codes for missionary, anal, black chicks?

I have a glossary of terms in my files,

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