30 Minutes or Less Page #5

back at home.

But I'm not gonna bother get into that right now,

because you my friend... are supposed to be on lookout

and I know how terrible

you're at multitasking.

- Oh they're getting away dude..

they're getting away.

Go go..go!

- Enought Travis...

I'm sick of this f***ing family dollar bulllshit.

Its time to get our heads,

into the game.

Yo, can you please be more careful,

you're getting the paint all over the car!

Really, you're worried about the paint

in this car?

- Yeah.

You're car is a total piece of sh*t.

Yo, please?

Your car is garbage. It's like....

You bought a Mustang,

and the Mustang has Aids.

And you're worried about paint in it?

Fast isn't the same as instant. Okay?

You gotta let it sit for like 20 minutes.

Alright, We don't have time to sit around

and literally watch paint dry. Okay?

Aren't we going straight to the bank?

- I was actually thinking

we got to stop and steal a car first.

- What? Why! We've a car.

- Yeah, we have my car. Okay.

I can't use this as a getaway vehicle.

They'll trace the plates.

Even if we do get away, we'll be arrested.

How are we gonna steal a car?

I don't know how to hot wire a vehicle...

Do you know how to hot wire a car?

That's why I was thinking gotta stop...

and steal one from..

your parents' friends.

The Fishers.

Remember, how they used to pay us

to clean their garage?

They leave the keys in there.

And they've got a Datsun.

That's a fast car.

- I'm not stealing the Fishers' Datsun.

Let's steal one of your parent's friends cars.

What friends?

What friends? My parents don't have any.

My dad moved away, when your big mouth humiliated him,

and ruined his marriage...

and no one wanted to hang out with the mom

who everyone knew f***ed a lifeguard.

- You never should have told me!

I was 13 years old!!!

I couldn't process information like that.

I thought it was cool that your mom f***ed a lifeguard.

F***, I'm sorry!

Okay, I accept your apology.

That's it?

You're not gonna apologize for sleeping with my sister?

- You told me not to mention it.

Great..

I just want this goddamn day to be over!

It's locked!

F***!

Okay, climb through the window.

You climb through the window.

- No, i'm holding the bag!

I'm holding the bomb...

Climb through the window.

- Are you alright?

- Yeah, I'm great.

- Who's it?

- Chuck...

The keys aren't here.

They always leave the keys out.

- Yeah. When we were teenagers.

Okay, Let's just find them.

Wait, Did you hear that?

no..what?

Mr. Fisher is coming!

- What!

Put it on.

- What are you doing?

I'm doing what I have to.

Okay, shut the door.

Where are the car keys?

They're in my pocket!

Quiet down and give them to me.

Alright, i'm just getting em out of my pocket!

Now listen, We're obviously stealing the car.

I don't want you to report it stolen until

later tonight. Let's say 5 o'clock.

- Six fifteen!

Yeah, right...six fifteen.

- Don't even bother calling the cops!

We own the cops!

If you mess with us,

I swear to God, I will...

I will shoot your son.

- Dylan Fisher! - Yes..Dylan Fisher!

I know where he works too.

He works at the travel agency!

- He's the douchebag with the bangs.

- That's right!

No, Please. Don't do that.

I won't say anything. I promise, just leave Dylan alone.

if you call the cops, there's gonna be an

undertaker styling

his stupid f***ing bangs!

- Cos he'll be dead!

- That's right.

Because he'll be dead.

Now open the f***ing garage door.

- Do you have any snacks?

Like Conolla bars...

or youghurts???

- Not now..

Okay, remember our deal.

six fifteen not a minute early.

Please, just go.

Thanks!

Have a great afternoon!

Oh man..I'm totally implicated.

What if he saw my brown hands?

There's only like, four Indian families

that live in Grand Rapids.

- Mr.Fisher is a f***ing CPA.

I think he'll be okay.

Awesome. I'm stuck inside an even smaller car

with you and a bomb.

Next time, why don't we steal a smart car.

- This thing's got some pickup.

Take it easy, we've got plenty of time.

I know...but there's one thing I just want to do, first.

Oh get something to eat.

Thank you..let's go to Mr.Burger.

Actually, I wanna tell my boss to f*** off.

- What...are you joking?

You wanna run a personal errand,

on a way to a bank robbery?

- and you want us to go get lunch.

- Yeah, b'cos i'm hungry and i thought..

It'll be nice to have one last burger before i'm incarcerated.

- Chet, this is not a personal errand, alright.

This is very important to me.

- and so, this is your big moment huh?

Putting in your 2 weeks notice at the pizza place?

- Yeah man, yeah.

That's pretty much it.

- Whatever! Now, you're just making me depressed.

Let's just go.

I need to take a piss here though.

What are you doing?

It's gross back here.

Park out front.

You said, you had to take a piss.

I'll look into the employees rest room.

Fine, hurry up please.

It smells like dead animals and pizza out here.

Yeah, they're like..

we are f***ing taking care of business.

Hey, hey ...hey.

Oh sh*t, Where the f*** is this guy going into?

What's in there? Some sort of secret FBI headquarters?

Some sh*t around here?

You know what, I got to give this bomb a call...

Let me go after and take a look.

Jesus!

- Jesus..what the hell?

Are you f***ing gay for this guy or something?

- What..yeah. If wanting a lot of money is gay...

then yeah...I'm Elton John.

Well, then hurry the f*** up.

Go do some reconnaissance.

Report back..or I will...

blow this motherf***er up!

Hey, Kate. I'm right outside the building.

...no, I'm here right now.

Why are you acting so strange?

Because strange sh*t is going on.

I'll explain everything. Just meet me where I texted you.

Nick, i was just about to go out.

What going on?

- please, it's important.

Nick, What's going on?

Are you Okay?

- Wait, just stay over there, okay?

Please...

Alright, listen...something happened to me,

last night. I was out on this run and uh...

I started thinking...

'What if this is the last shitty pizza I deliver'?

- I'd say, it's probably a good thing.

Nick, I'm super busy right now.

This is not the best time.

- Okay, right now..

its kinda all i have.

Come by later, and we'll talk okay?

- No, there isn't time!

Okay, can i tell you,

the single worst mistake of my life?

- Okay?

It was sleeping with you.

- Thanks.

No, no..you don't understand.

That's when i knew for sure, that I'm in love with you.

What I didn't know was, how the f*** to deal with this!

So, i screwed it all up.

- That was like, 8 years ago.

I know.

But I just want you to know that

if today...

was the final day

of my brief and uh...shitty existence.

And I could only see just one more person...

It would be YOU.

- Nick?

- I gotta go.

Wait, wait! You just can't say all this,

and just walk away!

- Unfortunately, I have to.

- Also, i told Chet...

we had sex.

- What the f***?

- Yeah, i think It's his girlfriend or something.

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