3 Blind Saints Page #2

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from a community church.

- Your Honor?

- [Judge] Yes, Mr. Pickens.

- It seems that ReverendFreeman's a no show.

We've got Officer Marrow outlooking for him right now.

- Very well, then.

Next case.

- City calls the strangersfrom out of town.

What are you stooges looking at?

Is that your dumb face oryou always look like that?

Get on over there, you nitwit!

- There's some very seriouscharges against you here.

- Mr. Honorable Judge ofthe local law of Rocky Road,

I believe I can explain.

There were a plethora ofunfortunate circumstances

that betwixt us in front

of the one local business establishment.

- Yes, Your Honor.

We, the accused of certain crimes against

our fellow humanity, we standbefore you as changed men.

- That's right, Your Honor.

You see, last night, we all got saved

and have turned from our wicked ways.

- So you spent a night in theclink and then you met Jesus?

- Yes, we found Jesus!

- Exactly, Your Honor!

- We were heathens out inthe wilderness, Your Honor,

and we were lost andhave come to our senses!

- Like the prayers ofRocky Road Community Church

have been answered.

- Looks like we could getthree for the price of one.

- Three blind saintsleading the blind (laughs).

- How about you?

Are you saved too?

- Tell him how you got saved, Sam.

Tell him.

- Yes, absolutely.

I went to the lost and found

and in God now I trust.

All dogs go to heaven.

- Come on now, son, testify!

Tell 'em how you sawthat bright light, Sam!

- Oh yes, right, the light.

- Yeah, the light!

- Of course how could Iforget the bright light?

Boom!

Right in the noodle.

And it was so intense that

I fell to the ground!

- [Jamal] Booya, smack, wow!

- And then I heard angels singing.

- (singing) Freedom.

- No, no, no, no, theyhad much higher voices.

They were much more girly.

- (singing) Freedom.

- A little higher.

A little higher.

(Frankie and Jamal'svoices raising in pitch)

That's the stuff.

And then I heard the voice.

Sounded just like Mr. Charlton Heston.

And it said let the prisoners go.

(dramatic instrumental music)

- You don't wanna pull my leg, son.

I got a bad hip.

- Judge, Your Honor,may I have the privilege

of addressing the court?

- The Court recognizes Mr. Rusty Pickens.

- How ya doin' Calvin?

- Pretty good, Rusty.

How's yourself?

- [Rusty] Oh just fine.

- What can the court dofor you this fine day?

- Because of the misdeeds of one man

the Rocky Road Community Church

is in dire peril and Irequest that you release

these three fine men to my custody

to do little community service

if it please the court.

- Well, it does please the court.

So I am going to sentenceyou three gentlemen

to custody of one of our leading citizens

and businessmen Mr. Rusty Pickens

to be reviewed again in three weeks.

It's not nice to fool Judge Cartwright.

Court is adjourned.

(gavel pounds)

- [Sam] Okay what just happened?

- Congratulations, boys.

You are now a part of team Rusty,

bringing pride and honor tothe community of Rocky Road.

Now your assignment is toget the Rocky Road Church

up and running and prospering once again.

- What?

You're yankin' our chain.

- No, no, now hold on, Sam.

Now let's hear the man out.

- You boys are from big town.

I know you don't know who I am.

Allow me to introduce myself.

I'm Rusty Pickens, proprietorof Rusty's Sports Bar.

I also run the town, thecourt, the jail, church.

Tell 'em how it is, Beverly.

- Yes, sir, Mr. Pickens.

Alright boys, here's how it's gonna go.

You, you're gonna work with the kids.

And you, you're gonna handle the music.

And you, you're gonna be our preacher.

- Would you give us just one quick second?

- Take all the time you need.

- Thank you.

These people have lost their marbles.

- They're crazy loco patho.

- There's no time here.

No.

- Excuse me, Mr. Pickens.

We don't wanna appear to be ungrateful

for your inexhaustible benevolence

portrayed to us strangers

while we're in this terriblefix in your fair city.

- What's your point?

- We don't have a doggone clueon how to run a church, sir.

- We have no idea.

- What he said.

- Boys, boys, boys.

What is there to know?

All you've gotta do is doone one-hour service a week.

- One hour a week?

That's not that bad.

When we were in therein front of the judge

we were pretending!

- You just preach peace and love.

You do have some peace andlove in you, don't you?

- Yeah.

- Well sure ya do!

- Yeah, sure.

- Then you collect the money.

- Money?

Did you say money?

- He said cash money.

- I heard money.

- All your parking tickets will disappear.

- Oh really?

- And you can live forfree in the parsonage

next to the church.

- And you said money, right?

- Plus you get a thousand dollars a piece.

- Would you hold that thought

while I check in with my constituents?

- You bet.

- Three weeks!

- Of loving kindness.

- A dozen bucks.

How hard could this be?

- [All] We'll do it!

(dramatic instrumental music)

- Here we are, boys.

Home sweet home.

- Man I don't even rememberthe last time I was in church.

Fellas, what did we get ourselves into?

- Oh my gentlemen, gird up thy loins

for the promised land awaits us.

- Yeah.

- Here they are, ladies andgentlemen, your new ministers.

Formerly of the localjail outreach program,

now called to serve us here.

I know you'll all wanna make 'em welcome.

If you'll excuse me now I've got

some business to take care of.

Good luck boys.

- Welcome, welcome, gentlemen.

We're privileged to have three men of God

such as yourselves here.

I'm Sister Louise.

And if you need anything,just let me know, okay?

Now men you go and make yourselves known.

- Okay, music man.

We need to get somethingstraight from the very beginning.

- We don't want anyhippie music up in here.

- [Jamal] Hippie music?

- That's right.

No rock and roll either.

- We ain't no charismatic church, either.

So don't start any of thatlayin' on of hands, right?

- You need to tell those teenage kids

that we do not allow tattoos

and we do not allow any piercings.

Tongue piercings, lippiercings, nose piercings,

or any other kind of piercings

which I am too much of aChristian lady to mention.

- Or any of that speakin' in tongues.

We don't want any wildfire.

- Wildfire.

- Now I only have one word for you.

12 o'clock.

- That's actually two words.

- Well, it may be two words

but 12 o'clock only comes once a day

and on Sunday at 12 o'clock we need to be

walking out that door.

Now do we have an understanding?

Yeah I think we do.

- You please tell them that.

I'm glad we understand each other.

- I definitely will.

- I don't think we'll have a chance

of any wildfire around here.

- As long as we've got that clear.

You have a nice day andwe'll see ya in church.

- I can't get along with those people.

- Well, well, well.

Mickey and Minnie and Dopey.

- Hey, Geppetto, how ya doing, from court?

- Yeah.

- Yeah, didn't recognize you without the...

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