3 Blind Saints Page #3

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- Yeah, and I'm the guarddown at the bank, too.

- And you go to church here.

- For 64 years.

I've seen 'em come, I've seen 'em go.

Not much happens around herethat I don't know about.

So, old Rusty Pickens hasgot hold of you guys, has he?

Remember, not all aresaints who go to church.

- Ooh.

- Well I know you young menare probably tired by now.

I guess you better be gettingon over to where you staying.

It's right next door.

And there's a wonderfulgodly named Tiffany

and she'll have a key, let you in.

Oh, and I can't wait tohear your sermon tomorrow.

(laughs)

I'm sure we'll all be very surprised.

- Well, ah, Sister, if he canmake it through his sermon,

it'll be a miracle.

(Sister laughs)

- Amen, thank you very much, Sister.

Gentlemen, come on!

Let's go check out ourfive star accommodations

at the Rocky Road Church parsonage.

Here's where all the holy menare hanging out this year.

- Let's hope they havethree different bedrooms.

- Hey man, how long we gonna have to wait?

- I could break in using a hair pin.

- Yeah, great idea Frank,

except ain't nobody here got a hairpin!

- Ah no, no, we don't wanna break in.

What would the godly woman Tiffany say?

Lordy, Lordy, Lord!

You boys broke into the church parsonage!

My godliness is aghast!

This will surely be the power of Satan!

- Can you help me, good sister?

- Oh Lordy!

- Free you now from the power of Satan!

You're saved brother!

- Stop, Sam.

- Start saying with me now.

Godly Tiffany says...

- Sam.

- Ah, your name wouldn'thappen to be Tiffany, would it?

- Yeah, actually, godly Tiffany, to you.

- Of course you are.

Um, we were expecting somebody older.

- Yep.

- Much older.

- You're young.

- [Jamal] Much younger.

- And young.

- Well I am here by the power of Tiffany

to let you boys in the house.

- Listen, we were just making...

- Fun of me?

Or you have a problem with old people?

- No we love 'em.

The oldest people we know are elderly.

- Well the place coulddefinitely use a little work.

But for some reason,

we can't seem to keeppreachers around here long.

So I don't think thatyou'll be here either.

Do you really think you have the strength,

integrity, and honorto lead a congregation?

- Would you believe those were my best

subjects in Sunday school?

- Well, I guess we'll find out, won't we?

- I guess we will.

- So I will leave you men of God here

to do whatever men of Goddo on a Saturday afternoon.

- Oh yes, we've got a verybusy day, don't we boys?

- Oh very busy, busy, like...

- Saying our prayers.

- Saying our prayers.

- And feeding the poor.

- Oh we feed the poor.

- And kissing.

- What?

- Babies.

- [Jamal] Kissing thempretty little babies.

- [Frankie] And meeting with Rusty.

- Rusty Pickens?

Why would you meet with?

- It's a different Rusty.

- His dog Rusty.

- Oh you have a dog?

You can't have a dog here.

- No, but I had a dog.

But he died and so now

we gotta go pick out alittle Rusty the dog casket.

- Okay.

- Poor old Rusty.

Sweetest most lovable, loyaldog you ever wanna know.

I can't believe he's gone.

- Okay.

- A bit much.

So anyway.

So listen, after I'mdone burying the pooch,

I was wondering if maybe

you and I could ah...

- Just forget whatever you were thinking.

Guys, godly Tiffany is outta here.

See you at church.

(playful instrumental music)

(church bells ringing)

- Let's make this real easy.

- Easy?

There's nothing easy about these people.

- There's no way in heaven wecan make these people happy.

- Will you listen to me?

I'm gonna tell you how the system works.

All you do is tell 'em their blessings

are right around the corner.

Smile at the kiddos.

Sing a few old songs.

Tell 'em what they wanna hear

and then you collect the money

and give it straight to Beverly.

Got it?

Good.

Let's go.

Oh, wait.

It might help if you put aduh or an ah into some words,

you know, like God-duh!

Church-ah!

Makes it sound more spiritual.

Alright go get 'em.

(energetic rock music)

- Amen.

- Amen!

- Amen.

Well glory child it's time for the hymn.

Please open your books to number 342.

We gonna sing that old great song.

I surrender all.

Amen?

Choir!

Rise.

Five, six, seven, eight.

(singing) I surrender all.

Yes!

- [All] (singing) I surrender all.

- (singing) All to Thee my blessed Savior

I...

(vocalizing) I...

Where's the love?

Sit down, choir.

Amen.

Sam, come on up here.

It's show time.

- Morning.

(mic feeds back)

Ooh.

This is your captain speaking.

Thanks for flying Sam Airlines.

My name is Sam and I'm your new pastor.

So you can call me Pastor Sam.

I'm here to preach my first sermon.

The first part of my sermon

which is about God.

Because that seems to bethe cat you guys are into

so I'm gonna focus on him.

You know, according toJamal's grandmother,

God is everywhere

which is just really, really creepy

if you think about it.

I mean

no me time?

Really?

I guess that's the point of thewhole thing, so here we are.

If God is everywherethen I guess he's here

and that's a good thing!

- I don't know what he's talking about.

- If that's true, I got alot of explaining to do.

And-duh, God-duh said-duh

let-ah there be light-ah.

And there was light!

Ah.

And the lighteth was brighteth

and Godeth said not my eyes!

Don't shine it on me.

And in the words of the prophet

(speaking in foreign language)

may the force be with you.

Floss daily.

Call your mother and don't be a jerk.

Amen.

- [Jamal] Amen!

(some audience applauding)

Amen!

- [Sam] Amen!

- The offering.

- [Sam] What?

- Offering.

- Hold up.

Show's not over.

Time to pay the piper.

Gotta get out thewallets and open them up.

We're gonna take the offering

because it all goes to a good cause.

So cough it up.

(suspenseful instrumental music)

- The more you give, themore you shall receive!

Go ahead put that in.

You know God don't like folk to be cheap!

Amen?

(laughs) That's a good andfaithful servant right there.

Hey, thank you very much allyou congregants for your...

- Good job, good job.

That was absolutely perfect.

You boys have a good week now, ya hear?

- [Jamal] Well we will.

- Alright you can all pile in my car.

We're goin' over to Tiffany'sfor some home-cooked meals.

- Don't have to tell me twice!

- I'm there!

- Daddy, why don't youjust sit right there?

You can see everybody.

Sister Louise, right next to daddy.

- Ooh I like that.

I'm gonna keep my badeye on all this food.

But I'm gonna keep my good eyeon this pretty little lady.

(Sister laughs)

- Okay, daddy, that's enoughfor poor Sister Louise.

You're embarrassing me.

- Well I just want youto know, Miss Tiffany,

that you're safe next to me.

I won't do anything to embarrass you.

- I know you won't 'causeyou'll be sitting over there.

This is my son's spot.

- Of course it is.

- [Tiffany] Did you want a roll, Sister?

- You have a son?

- Yes I do.

- Wonderful.

That's cool.

- [Daddy] Hey, Johnny boy.

Johnny, come on in and sit down.

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