3 Days of Normal Page #4

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exactly an every day opportunity.

What's the other part?

Mmm. Every girl in town's

tried to knock his door down.

A good job and a nice ass goes a

long way in a cold winter.

Even if he is a bit of a prick.

A bit?

Could you do it as a

favor to me?

Ya.

Thank you.

Mm hmm.

Can't believe you got Charlie tow

the cruiser back to my house.

No sweat.

How'd you get her to

180 like that?

It's called being nice.

No seriously, was that

some sort of like,

CIA mind trick or something?

Unfortunately, your security

clearance isn't high enough

for me to divulge

that information.

I understand.

I told her it was a matter of

national security.

It's so cool you can do that.

Yeah.

Ah.

Well, we're here.

And where is here, exactly?

This is the chief's

old lake house.

No one will find us here.

All clear.

Sorry about that.

Here.

Ah, you know what? You keep it.

Okay.

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

[OWL HOOTING]

This is a waste of time.

Knowing her, they're probably

shacked up somewhere.

Is there a motel around?

No, not really.

Well then, then

they've left town.

I can feel it.

Nah, he wouldn't leave

town with her.

How do you know?

Believe me, he's had this

like, complex

ever since his parents died.

He's like, Bill's like one of

those dogs

with the electric fence and

the like cone.

And he's got like a

carrot penis.

Only instead of a yard,

it's this whole town he

can't escape.

Yeah, it must be

tough for a cop.

That public knowledge?

Everybody pretty much knows

everybody else's

business around here.

I guess that's why there

aint no paparazzi.

Paparazzi. I loathe the term.

I'm a celebrity journalist.

I hold the mirror up

to our culture,

reflecting it back

more accurately

than any history book.

The trades ancestry goes back

to the apostles themselves.

Whoa! The apostles.

You gonna stay like

that all night?

I'm fine.

You think maybe we should

put the fire out?

I mean maybe they could

smell the smoke or...

But you know, we

could go outside.

And use the cabin as a decoy.

Uh, I'm going to choose not

to worry about it.

Yeah, okay. I suppose, you

know, you're used to this.

Ice in your veins and all.

One would think.

How many people have you killed?

Bill!

Sorry.

I've done what I had to do.

I understand, yep.

You're probably good

under pressure,

being cop's in your genes,

right?

My father and I didn't have

much in common.

Ever think about being chief?

I'm through with this line

of questioning.

Touchy subject. I forgot.

Mmmm.

You think I'm simple, don't you?

What? No.

You think 'cause I'm some

hick from small town

who hasn't had any real

crime, I'm not a real cop.

I never said that.

My father died when I was nine

and after he passed I took

responsibility for this town.

This town is my life.

How'd he die?

Drunk driver. Killed them both.

[WHISPERS] Ohhh.

You hear that?

What?

Stay here.

I think I'm probably

done for tonight.

Good night Nikki.

Bill?

Yeah?

Thank you.

Oh my God!

Bidding war for

Nikki Gold sex tape?

Whatever happened to our

old camcorder, May?

This is not funny.

Amo! You okay?

[GASPING] Chief... they...

I came from Bill's.

I wanted to uh,

I wanted to apologize

for being such a, a wad

these past few days.

But he, he wasn't there

There, there were just these,

these photographers.

Like, like ravens on roadkill.

Like them.

There, there's some right

across the street.

Ah, well now thanks for

the heads up, son.

You go on home. Uh, I'll take

care of everything.

Paparazzi in, in our town?

Now I gotta go tell Bill.

So?

Oh yeah, yeah. He's got her

stashed somewhere.

And if I know the chief,

he's gonna lead us right to the henhouse.

The henhouse?

Yeah, I thought it was, I

thought it would sound cool.

Lesson number three,

don't think.

Okay.

Never.

#dun dun dun dun dun dun

dun... dun dun dun...

The lake was gorgeous

this morning.

I mean the water is so clear.

Yeah, it's pretty, right?

It reminds me of the town

that I grew up in.

Where's that?

It's a little town in

Western Ontario.

My mom and I left when my

parents got divorced.

Mmm. This is good, what is it?

It's hare.

What?

Rabbit.

I got it in one of the traps

I set for the hostels.

[CLEARS THROAT]

It's actually really good.

Yeah?

Tastes like chicken.

Make you jump higher.

Mmm.

Wait, so you've never left town?

Nope.

Never?

Well the academy, but I mean

that was years ago.

What, that, that is crazy.

I mean you say I'm crazy,

but you're crazy.

Cute crazy, but still...

Cute crazy?

Yeah.

Let's go swimming.

Do you have any idea how

cold that water is?

Ahh ha ha.

Ah, Oh my tits it's

freezing in...

Told you. Well it's like

electricity, you have to get in.

I can get through the day

without hypothermia.

Thank you very much.

Oh come on. I am an expert on

all things idiotic

and this is very low on

the harmful scale.

Ah!

Oh! Yes! You're doing it!

It's so warm.

Oh, oh!

Geronimo!

Oh, geez and crow! It's

warmer than I thought.

Oh it's freezing.

Just relax.

Oh, oh! Are we even

breathing?

Breathe slowly.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. Don't

follow him.

Just keep going down there.

Where the hell are we?

I can't believe I didn't

think of this.

You know a way in this joint?

Yeah, there's only one way

the chief won't find us.

How's that?

It's on that f***ing canoe.

I hate canoes.

Yeah.

You made a move on me.

I would never do such a thing.

Getting me in the lake was

all part of your master plan.

And if I find out this is another

one of your voodoo mind tricks

I will not be happy.

Uh, because kissing me is

so unpleasant?

Mamma Bear you copy?

Ten-four papa.

You find him?

No sign, any news at base?

Not yet.

You coming back?

In a bit.

I think I just saw a

rock turn over

and something slimy slither out.

You know how it is.

Everyone hates cops til

they need 'em.

I've always liked a

man in uniform.

Every time I do something

good, people hate me for it.

Like what?

Like anything.

Giving a speeding ticket,

breaking up a fight.

Doing a safety lecture.

Punk kids.

I mean I don't know what it's

like in the CIA,

But around here, you always

walk away the villain.

Villains are sexy.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Dude, my arm, killing me.

Just stop! Get me closer!

Isn't this close enough?

My arms are gonna fall off.

Can never be close enough.

Yeah, they're gonna see us.

Oh fine, you wanna puss out?

Fine.

Pull over. Let me off.

Um, what do you think about

coming to New York with me

for a couple days?

I think it would be good for

you and I'd like it.

Wow.

Amos!

Oh man.

You in on this?

I'm sorry, Chief.

I didn't know it was

gonna go this far.

Just tell me which way he

went and get on home.

Ssss...

[THUD]

Huh, this day sucks.

Stay here.

Uh.

Stand up.

Argh!

Who are you? What are

you doing here?

Vic Donowitz, TMI and you

must be Officer Morgan.

I am and you're trespassing.

It's only 'cause I want the first

exclusive interview with you

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