3 Days of Normal Page #5

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about your relationship

with Nikki Gold.

Nikki who?

Ha ha ha. Nice try.

Look, no seriously, you

should cash in.

The press is going to be all

over you like a pit bull in heat

when little Miss Thang's tape

hits the internet, you know.

What are you talking about?

Her sex tape. The sex tape.

Who's Nikki Gold?

Are you serious?

Hey, she's Hollywood's

soup de jour.

She's the flavor of the month.

She's visual crack for men

ages 16 to 25.

Viktor Donowitz you're

under arrest!

You have the right to

remain silent,

though I doubt you will.

And you can call your lawyer

from the station.

Chief, what's going on here?

Oh this so-called journalist

was staking out your place

for a shot of Nikki, I mean

a shot at the...

Dang it, Bill! I can't

explain it all.

I know you two think you got

something special

but let me tell you Bud,

you're just another notch in

her belt.

Tell me about this tape?

Her and Trent Callender going

at it like bunnies.

Hand jobs, blow jobs like a

goddamn career fair.

Oh!

Bill!

I'll forget this if you give

me that exclusive.

Let me take him in, I'm not

through with him yet.

No! No!

Go back to Nikki.

I'll take care of this

sack of beans.

I can't believe that douchebag

followed me here.

What'd he say to you?

What'd he say to you?

Enough to know

you've made me feel like

a complete idiot

the last few days.

Who are you?

Really?

My name is Nikki Gold.

And I'm an actress.

Obviously.

I didn't start out lying to you.

It's just...

You're the first person in...

years that's actually made me

feel like a normal person.

Don't call yourself normal.

It's an insult to

the rest of us.

I think it's time you

left Washington.

Fine.

Hey Terri.

Hey Bill.

That sandwich you ordered

will be ready in a minute.

Thanks.

I want you all to know that my

relations with Miss Gold are over.

So you can stop snickering

behind my back.

And acting all strange and go

about your normal business.

Thank you.

I think the guys around here

are all just jealous.

And as for the ladies,

they just want a piece of

what Nikki Gold got.

Hey you want to sign

this for me?

Geez, on crow, are you

kidding me me?

Sure, as long as you bring it

back autographed.

Knock, knock.

Hey May.

I brought you a sandwich.

Thanks. May, I just ate.

Well you could use a little

more meat on your bones.

You know reading that junk

is gonna rot your brain.

So, are you ever going to

tell me

Or am I going to

have to read it

in one of those rags?

Ahh, it's not much of a

story, I guess.

I...told her to leave town.

I didn't want to see

her anymore.

Think it's too late

to apologize?

We don't have

anything in common.

What interested you in her in

the first place?

I mean aside from her...

She's a little firecracker,

but...

I don't know... She's...

I guess she made me feel...

awake.

Oh honey.

You know, if you really

feel that way

you are one lucky guy.

And you are way ahead

of most folks.

[TRAFFIC]

Trent!

Trent, you here?

Ooh!

Nikki baby, welcome back

to the big apple.

New Hampshire sure was fun, huh?

Can I get a picture?

Why don't you disappear to

the Bahamas next time?

The sex tape in there Nikki?

Did you have fun [INAUDIBLE]?

Can you drive, please?

Looking real good, Mama, can't

wait to see the tape.

I must tell you...

Summer Dawn is beautiful film.

You should do smaller,

character driven piece again.

Is this a smoking cab?

For you? I make exceptions.

Wish me luck.

[POUNDING]

Who is it?

This is Officer Morgan.

Washington Police Department.

The tape, Mr. Callender.

I'm here to get it and Nikki's life back.

I don't have the damn tape.

Alright?

Whoa, what are you-

what are you doing?

Okay fine. There's another one.

Kids name is Daniel Blanco.

Where does he live?

I don't know. We're just

casual acquaintances.

God, ow.

Okay yeah!

Call him.

Here.

Washington Police Department,

thanks you for your cooperation.

[MUSIC PLAYS]

So, why are you here?

I want to see

Trent Callender earlier.

He said you might know the

whereabouts of the Nikki Gold tape.

Depends on who's asking?

I am.

I'm defending her honor.

Fortunately, unless you are

also very rich,

it's out of your hands.

Tonight at midnight 1.6 million

dollars is wired into my bank account.

And I upload that file to

TMI's server.

You know selling that tape isn't

going to get Trent Callender back.

I don't care about Trent.

Why do you think I started sleeping

with him in the first place?

Don't, don't do this.

What if it was your mom

or your sister?

Those are both really gross images

I do not want in my head right now.

So uh, you have to leave.

Gum?

Thanks.

It was great meeting you.

Feel free to call me next

time you're in town.

Daniel get back in here!

Coming Dad.

Hi...

Get back her with that!

My trust fund won't last

forever, you know. Oh sh*t!

I am just in my hotel room.

Missing you, uh...

don't do anything stupid while you're

away because then you'll never see these.

Now chick-a-bow-wow...

[TIRES SCREECHING]

[CRASH]

Frick!

Hey guys. I'm a, I'm a cop too.

Get out of the car.

Okay I'm getting out.

I got a gun, so...

[ALARM BEEPS]

You know it's only identity.

It's a re-imagining of, of that world.

I just want them to like it.

Honey, Honey, they are

gonna like it.

You're gonna be fine.

Hey, nobody ever writes

anything bad at a premiere.

It's like a wedding.

You know, everybody's happy.

... mountain man was arrested

in New York earlier today.

This New Hampshire numb nut thought

the best way to break the law

was to rear end an NYPD...

Can you turn this up, how do

you turn this up?

There he is.

[LAUGHS]

He looks like

a confused park ranger.

It's off to the big house for the

Grizzly Adams guy. Here he is...

Well I'll be.

That's my boy.

That's right.

Oh he's so handsome.

Well of course.

Amos, shut off the TV.

Finish mopping up that floor.

That's what I'm doing, Terry.

Well I want to get out of

here tonight.

Yeah, you're always

riding my ass.

I'm gonna shove that mop up your

ass if you don't get moving.

Check the fryer too.

Why don't you fry this?

The much-hyped sex tape was

on his person.

Leaving us to believe the...

Can you turn around please?

What are you talking about?

What do you mean, turn around?

No, No, no, no.

No, Nikki, I am not going to let you

sabotage the biggest night of your life.

Please. This is not the time to

pull your impetuous child routine.

Here! Just take a drink.

A drink? I'm taking a break,

you hag.

What did you just call me?

You ungrateful...

Go ahead. Say something,

make me fire you.

You have none of the power in

this relationship.

Miss, what will it be?

Just keep going.

# Mmm hmm hmm hmm hmm

# Ooh hoo hoo

# Mm hmm hmm hmm mmm

Morgan, you're coming with me.

# Mm hmm hmm mm, hmmm hmm hmm

# Hoo hoo hoo ooh

Step away from the door.

[BUZZER]

[BUZZER]

There was a hat with this.

Excuse me!

There's a hat.

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