3 Geezers! Page #2

I dunno, you guys look like you're pretty fit,

what do you do for exercise?

Eat sh*t, f*ggot.

Jesus, Frank, now take it easy.

And... dead.

- This is.. it's research. It's for a movie I'm doing.

- A movie?

- You a Jew?

- I'm an actor.

I just wanna find out what

it really feels like to be old.

Now you're callin' us old?

- You are old!

- That's not what your mama said last night!

Wow... So come on, seriously,

what do you guys do?

How do you keep in shape?

We play a lot of paddle tennis.

Well, what is that? Paddle tennis?

Is that even a real thing?

Bet we could whip your ass!

You think so?

Rex and me... against you.

You win? We let you hang out

with us for your research.

We win, we get to

be in your movie.

Sure, all right. Deal.

Deal!

Where's Rex?

Ruth... come on.

Out!

Out!

In!

In.

We won!

We won!

Yeah, yeah.

Looks like you lost.

- I think the fix was in.

- I just call 'em like I see 'em.

This guy had a ringer. You totally cheated.

Hollywood! Here we come!

Okay, all right,

deal's a deal.

Tell you what...

you can still hang with us.

Eh? Thanks...

- I think.

- Just don't touch my junk.

I'll try to resist that urge.

This might be tougher than I thought.

How's your research going?

Should've visited your mother instead.

Thank you, dear.

New guy.

Three o'clock.

First time?

Yes, sir.

- Scared it'll hurt?

- That you'll be humiliated?

Never hold your head

up in public again?

I'm just here 'cause my doctor said,

y' know, it's time to get it checked out.

Maybe you'll squeal like a pig.

Feel like you're being

raped, in prison.

And start to like it.

That's the goal.

Listen, nice chattin' with you guys,

I gotta finish this script.

I remember when I was a virgin.

Yeah? A while ago?

'52.

Oh, this really ages you.

Remember Art's son, Frankie?

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Insufficient lube.

It got stuck.

Like goin' to the electric chair,

and they forgot to wet the sponge.

Sounds like Frankie forgot to relax.

They lasered his poop-hole.

Really?

- Had to laser it shut.

- Oh, I hope he got a good lawyer.

And ripped him a new one.

Does a kind of side-saddle

maneuver on the john now.

- Oh, but other than that, he's fine.

- Colon's clear.

Yeah, yeah. Clear colon.

Kind of a semi-colon.

Not that he uses it much anymore.

Is there any room, on either side of you guys?

We're a little squished in here.

Well, you know, they give you a DVD.

- Yeah, they film it.

- I heard that.

A keepsake you'll always treasure.

You know, man looks into the abyss,

and see's himself staring back at him.

All part of growin' older.

Lookin' forward to it.

Bernard, we're ready for you.

Mmm, you smell good.

Why, thank you.

Hey! Come on, now, you...

watch it!

- You're next.

- Oh, go ahead.

- No, you.

- You go first.

- You'll thank me.

- After you.

- You're gonna really like this.

- She seems a little upset.

You are gonna get so used to this.

- Please go.

- You'll be so happy.

I have many years ahead of me.

- Might even tickle.

- Go.

- Take a chance!

- I'm gonna go home.

No, no! Stay!

Stay!

Mistake.

So, uh, Rex... what are you

doing for the big talent show?

What talent show?

Uh, the... that's...

Not to worry, we'll come back to you.

Bernard, what about you?

Don't worry about me,

I'm workin' on it.

Okay.

Why they want you to have any

good time in this damn place?

We're right in the middle of an interview!

That's okay, I don't mind.

Okay, what are you doin'

for the talent show?

- I don't do that stupid sh*t.

- You gotta love the president's stimulus package.

Is that what's payin' for all this?

You see the new girl that checked in yesterday?

I hesitate to ask here, Victor...

what is... what is goin' on there?

Oh, sexting! With a

shawty I met last week.

He's addicted to sext, you know?

Wow, that's, uh...

She hittin' you back, there?

Is that what's goin' on?

Ooh! Where'd you meet her?

Comic-Con?

She was a friend of my wife's.

I didn't know you were married.

Well, I'm not.

Anymore...

Oh. I'm sorry. What, uh...

what happened?

Kandearoo.

Kandearoo...

What is that? What is Kandearoo?

Jesus!

I mean, there's no way to stop it?

God! That's... that's terrible. Victor, I'm

I'm so sorry man, I- I didn't know.

Va-va-verga!

You gotta be kiddin' me.

- Breckin! Breckin Meyer!

- Hey guys!

- Where you goin'?

- How's it goin'?

I'm going to play some laser tag with

some elderly folks. You wanna watch?

Mind if we tag along?

Yeah, actually, I want the footage, come on.

- We love your show, uh, Frank and Beans.

- Oh, thanks brother, we're having a good time.

J!

- There he is!

- How's it goin'?

- Hey, man, thanks for coming.

- All right.

Good to see you, and these guys just, what?

Follow you around

Yeah, it's my entourage,

you don't mind do you?

Whatever.

- Who's this?

- "Who is this?" Who doesn't have a television?

What, are you kidding me?

- Breckin Meyer, how ya' doin'?

- What are you, twelve?

- 12 inches.

- Bracken Meyers.

- Breckin Meyer?

- Yes sir.

It sounds like a strand of

Ukrainian syphilis to me.

Kinda' mouthy for a blind

guy playing laser tag.

Oh! Before the cock crows three times,

you shall be punked by the blind.

- Is he, did he just call me a cock?

- Apparently so.

Okay, Father Time? Cryptkeeper? Methuselah?

Let's go, let's do this.

All right, welcome to your ultimate laser tag

adventure, are you guys excited to be here?

- Oh yeah.

- Awesome, that's nice.

Uh, so my name is Justin and this is Daniel,

my trusty sidekick. Everyone say "Hello Daniel."

Hello, Daniel!

And we're gonna be your Game-Masters today.

Did he say Gay Masters?

What sort of S&M bullshit

did you bring me to today?

So let's get started.

When you guys walk in that door, you're

gonna see a bunch of vests like this one,

and what you want to do is grab the vest off

the rack and throw it over your shoulders

- making sure the laser is in front.

- Looks like an electric dick.

It sure does. If the laser isn't

in front your pack's on backwards

and that's stupid because you

can't fire out of your butts.

- Oh, this guy here can.

- I bet!

So then you wanna strap in your sides and

then you're gonna detach your laser from the vest,

and hold the vest with the laser

with two hands at all times.

- How many hands?

- Two hands. - Two!

That's right, two hands. Now, you

wanna fire everywhere and anywhere

you see blinking, flashing lights.

So, if it's blinking, you blast it.

What do you do? You...

- Blast it.

- Come on guys, what do you do?

- Blast it!

- That's right, you blast it!

All right, Daniel take it over.

All right, we're gonna go over some

important game rules for today.

Ah, the first rule is the

most important, you guys...

No running. If you run, you're done.

Seriously, with you guy's hearts,

if you run, you're done.

You're gonna die. This'll be it.

- I'll beat your little ass.

- No climbing or crawling.

No crawling anywhere in the maze, you guys.

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