3 Geezers! Page #3

Uh, no physical contact.

Yeah, Victor, that means keep

your hands off my junk, too. Okay?

No touching.

Uh, no unsportsmanlike conduct.

If it don't feel cool, it ain't cool,

and that includes offensive language.

No... that includes trash talking,

no trash talking, you guys.

- That's bullshit.

- Totally.

Next rule, follow staff instructions at all times.

We... are staff.

Last rule, any persons failing

to follow these rules

will be asked to leave without a refund.

So, if you just follow these rules, you guys...

we'll have a great game, okay?

- We'll be good.

- Whoo! - Okay!

- Yeah!

- Okay. Let's do it.

Go, old people!

Not you guys.

Rex! It's me!

- Damn.

- Right, are you okay?

- Bernard? What? Is it your heart?

- You.. dirty... bastards!

Say "hello" to my little friend!

Hey.

Fish in a barrel.

Hey. Looks like we won.

That's it! You're all out.

You run, you're done!

You run, you're done.

- We have to go.

- That's true, Justin.

You break the rules,

you get no refund.

Seemed like a short game to me.

Hey, where Rex?

You guys keep up on the

latest technology at all?

- Well, I've seen color TV.

- I got a stereo.

Beautiful, welcome to the

21st century here guys,

this... is a smart phone.

Can make phone calls, of course, you can also do a

sh*t-load of other things, but here, wait, wait...

I'll show you on this 'cause it's got a

bigger screen for your tired old eyes.

You can, uh, you can surf the web here, you got

emails, I got thousands of photos in this thing.

Uh... music, got a calendar, maps!

You got maps of the whole world on this thing.

There's a... there's thousands of apps you can

get for this, all on this one little device.

It's, it's unbelievable. It's a dazzling

display of technology, right?

It's like a phone, only bigger.

Okay. Here, look. Look at this, this is the most

portable, powerful, lightweight notebook money can buy.

And I can do all that same stuff on this,

but I can also, I can upload footage here,

I use this for my research

all the time, I can edit,

- I could, I could make a movie on this thing.

- Really?

- Yeah.

- So you could make a porno?

Porno, you want porno, here we go.

In two seconds,

just for you, eyes and ears,

we have porno!

Oh yeah. Oh yeah, spank

the monkey, smart boy.

Damn.

Hello?

Hello?

Hello!

You seem nice.

I'm also a pretty good dancer.

I'd like to see you dance.

Oh.

...really do see the market to continue to trend...

- ...know why I'm here in the first place.

- Skank.

...now there's a line drive

down the left field line...

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Oh, my!

Ruth Mama Zion! Where did you get that bikini?

Amazon.com.

What has gotten into you lately?

Turns out you can teach

an old dog new tricks.

Something's missing.

Very funny.

Very good! Very good!

What?

Where are ya'?

- You're hot.

- I know you're in here somewhere.

You're gettin' hot.

- Where are you?

- Hotter.

Yea!

Does Greg know you're

out here this late?

It's only 6 o'clock.

- Hi Ruth.

- Oh. Hi Victor.

Well, I'm gonna go get changed.

I'll see you at dinner.

God, that daughter of his...

really get's him down.

Yeah, I know. She only visits him

for the life insurance money.

Oh, poor guy.

Hi, Victor.

You know how cute I always thought you were.

Gee... are there any Q-tips?

Hang on!

Doesn't anybody f***ing knock anymore?

- So, I don't want to play this guy like he's feeble or senile or...

- Honey?

- doesn't know what's going on in the world.

- Honey?

- Just a sec'! These guys wanna have sex, they can still get it up.

- Who spanked the monkey? Hmm?

Apparently.

- Smart boy?

- Okay, let me tell ya'.

I was showing the old farts

about computers today,

and about getting on the internet, and about

all the stuff I can do on the computer like

editing, and you know, I said I could make my own

movie, this guy Bernard says could you make a porno

and I said, oh, well here,

lemme show you some porno.

- These guys are like, they're like conniving little children.

- Sweetheart?

- What?

- It's okay. I trust you.

- You do?

- Yes.

It's a convalescent home, how much

trouble can you really get into?

I think you'd be surprised.

Yeah? Oh...

surprise me.

Hello everyone.

My new best friend, J,

has generously offered to ask today's special

guest to come in and show you some...

invaluable self-defense moves.

When I heard he was coming,

I got all choked up.

Ah, I'm proud to introduce

Mr. Randy "The Natural" Couture.

Who the hell is Randy Couture?

Mr. Couture came in second on the 9th

season of "Dancing With The Celebrities".

Actually, I'm a former UFC heavyweight champion

and inductee into the UFC Hall of Fame,

but, you gotta be talking about Chuck Liddell.

Who was, what, ninth on that dance show?

And I'm...

way better looking than he is.

Mr. Couture is a mixed martial arts legend.

This guy practically invented the sport.

What is he talking about?

That sh*t ain't a sport. Just

a buncha ass-grabbin' homos

who didn't get enough lovin' from their mothers.

Is he gonna teach us to dance like a star?

Oh, ho, ho, I wish! Mr. Couture was nice

enough to come down and teach us some of the

basic movements of mixed martial arts.

He's gonna show you some pretty neat stuff,

so you can protect yourself,

should the need arise.

So...

let's get ready to wrestle!

Well, thank you ladies and gentlemen.

I'm very excited to be here this afternoon,

although not quite as excited as Greg here.

How many of you have seen

what we do in the Octagon?

Okay. Well, we could do a demonstration,

so... I need a volunteer.

How about you, sir?

I want to demonstrate some

pretty simple techniques

that don't require a lot of speed or strength,

but if you apply them properly, you

can take out even the biggest guy.

I want to make sure I isolate that bottom arm,

locking out that elbow and that wrist.

And from there, it's pretty easy to escape,

or even turn the situation around.

If you're ever attacked from the front,

somebody tries to grab you,

I wanna take that arm off, drag it by,

and now I get behind my attacker.

From here, I wanna apply a rear choke,

so I'm gonna wrap my arm around his neck,

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