3 Geezers! Page #5

What do you keep handing her?

Oh, just makin' some extra cash.

- Extra cash?

- Yeah, I sell my Percocet and Vicodin.

You're a drug dealer?

No, I'm not a drug dealer, I just sell drugs

people want to buy. That's all.

- You guys are really not what I expected.

- It's a good way to help pay some of the bills.

Since they legalized medicinal marijuana,

been a windfall for us.

- So you're a drug dealer too?

- I'm not a drug dealer.

You just go to the doctor and you say "Oh,

Doc, I have terrible migraines this week."

And then next thing you know you got 500

bucks in ganja and Medicare covers the bill.

Your tax dollars at work.

- See that dried-up prune over there?

- Yes.

She's been screwin' his brains out for months,

just for his drugs!

That's not his granddaughter?

Uh-uh... She found him on Craigslist.

That's pretty sad!

Not for him.

So what did you expect?

What do you mean?

I mean, since we're not what you expected,

then what did you expect?

- Oh, uh, I don't know...

- Don't be a p*ssy now,

- Well, I guess I thought you'd be...

- Sitting around, waiting to die?

Yeah, sort of...

Depressed, decrepit and useless?

A little, maybe...

Angry, bitter, and rude?

All right, look. I admit, I was

buyin' into a stereotype, forgive me,

but... let's face it, there's a lot of stuff

you guys just can't do like you used to...

and Rex, he wouldn't remember to eat lunch

if it wasn't written down on a note somewhere.

That's true,

but I bet you any one of us here

is more content with his life

than you are.

Percocet?

- Hey Sandy, only two today.

- Oh, good!

It's here! It's here!

Ruth? I've never seen

you so excited before!

Oh, it's it! It's the DVD!

It's here!

Oh, baby! I've been waiting for you!

Virgin territory!

Excuse me ma'am, may help carry

your package to your room?

Honey, you can carry mine,

if I can carry yours!

Looking sharp there, Victor!

- Nice hat.

- Thank you.

- Oh, um... where's Rex!?

- Yes, where is Rex?

And the music's even shittier than last year!

Any hot b*tches around?

Ow!

- Josephine...

- She's married!

Buford dies last month!

Really!

Pay up!

Take it!

So she's on the rebound, eh?

Oh, she's on the ultimate rebound.

I'll have to tap that ass!

Give her my number!

Thanks everyone for joining us for

our sixth annual Moonlight Hootenanny!

This year's theme will incorporate

our "Going Green" initiative,

there'll be a lot of special editions and

exciting changes in the coming weeks.

I wanna give a shout-out to Edith

for providing tonight's exciting ear candy,

and remind everyone of our special

"Ladies' Choice Dance," so...

without further ado,

Now... it's a party!

What is with the sh*t-eating grin?

Things are gonna start

looking up around here!

I'm too sexy for my love

Too sexy for my love

Love's going to leave me

I'm too sexy for my shirt

Too sexy for my shirt

So sexy it hurts

I'm too sexy for Milan

Too sexy for Milan

New York and Japan

I'm too sexy for your party

Too sexy for your party

The way I'm disco dancing

I'm a model

You know what I mean

And I do my little turn on the catwalk

Yeah, on the catwalk

On the catwalk, yeah

I do my little turn on the catwalk

Oh! I think I'm stuck!

Hey, hey... I got the munchies.

Let's find Rex and get

the hell out of here!

Face down, ass up

That's the way we like to f***

Face down, ass up

That's the way we like to f***

I'm lookin' for a b*tch to spend the night

Do the crazy thing while I f*** all night

I make her do things like nothing before

And when I'm done, she'll always be sore

From the things I do when I'm f***in'

And when I'm tired, the b*tches start suckin'

I double team with a friend of mine

Luke's in front and I'm behind

Just ridin' you like a pony

While you suck my dick, makin' me horny

Then all of a sudden we'll switch positions

Prop your ass up and freak the pushin'

And when I cum, you'll hear me roar

I'll treat any b*tch like a whore

'Cause it's the way I like to f***

It's face down and ass up!

(indistinct)

F*** that burger!

F***!

It's the cops!

Everybody run!

Driver's license, registration,

and proof of insurance.

Turn the camera off!

- J? Is that you?

- Hi, Kev.

- Doin' some research.

- No problem.

Have you been drinking tonight, sir?

I don't think so.

It was my turn to be the designated driver.

- Right guys?

- Yes, yes! - Yeah.

Face down, ass up

That's the way I like to f***

Turn the music off!

Always pulling over the black guy!

Get out of the car, sir.

Okay sir, I'm gonna administer some tests to find out

if you're too impaired to operate a motor vehicle.

The first thing I want you to

do is take your index finger,

tilt your head back, and touch the tip

of your finger to the tip of your nose,

in this manner, and alternate.

Okay, next...

I want you to count

backwards from 78 to 69.

69...

70!

72 ..

73 ..

Okay. Okay, we're almost done.

I want you to walk a straight line,

now I want you to do it

heel-to-toe, just like this...

Then turn around,

and walk back.

Uh, Sir! Sir, sir, sir, sir!

Based on my observations,

I believe you've had too much to drink.

Have I?

This is a breathalyzer. I want you to blow

into the breathalyzer until I say stop.

- There.

- Here...

Blow! Blow Blow! Blow! Blow Blow!

Blow! Blow Blow! Blow! Blow Blow!

And stop.

I'll be! You're clean.

Told you.

Look, you're free to go,

but, will you speed up?

Say... thanks for lettin' me drive.

I always wanted to do that.

That was you?

Now, time for a booty call.

This is Ruth! Oh, I'm so sorry,

I can't come to the phone right now.

I learned how to give a great BJ.

Oh, yeah.

I feel like sh*t.

That's disgusting!

These f***in' low-flow

toilets don't flush a thing.

I'm too old for this sh*t!

I'm gonna stop drinking for good.

I mean it this time.

Well, like they say down south...

We gonna see y'all now, hear?

You guys sure know how to party.

Oh-ho! You should've seen Victor.

I thought I was gonna die last night.

You know, I've been meaning to ask you guys.

Are you afraid of dying?

- Nah.

- I'm not afraid of dying.

I'm afraid of outliving my money.

I can afford to live about six more years.

I can afford about five.

And then what?

But... but the idea of death itself,

you don't, you don't find that scary?

- Nah.

- Oh, hell no!

In fact...

we got a death pool.

A death pool?!

Yeah, see?

You pick who you think is next to die.

If you're right, you win.

What if two guys pick the

same person to die?

Well then, we use cause of death.

Heart attack, stroke...

See? Whoever gets the closest.

Don't some people find the idea of

a "death pool" a little offensive?

Well, you don't have to play if you

don't want to, but most everyone does.

Some that do,

I won 100 bucks last month.

- He got lucky with Wilber.

- That wasn't luck.

I was watchin' him, he'd

been coughing for weeks.

You don't mess around with

pneumonia at this age.

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