40 Days and 40 Nights Page #6

but l'm not coming back anymore.

You take everything from me.

That is so not true.

Oh, yeah?

Name me one thing that you ever gave me.

I gave you The Bridges of Madison County,

you ungrateful a**hole.

I never told you this...

...but that was the biggest piece of trash

l ever tried to read.

You pig!

Matt, l'm so mad that l have to....

I have to tell you.

Watching you standing up for yourself like this

has never made me so...

...so...

...hot.

I like this.

Where have you been?

You could slam that door in my face

if you want...

...but l'll just be on the other side even hotter.

Holy hell.

Slam that door in my dirty, bad, bad face.

Oh, God, Matt. Slam it!

(Rhythmic instrumental music)

Will you just think about it, okay?

Dude was in the john with a dirty mag.

If that's me, Merj, l'm painting the ceiling.

Who does this Matt guy think he is?

I think he's jerking us around.

How do we even know this is real?

If you just go to the big window,

look at the dude's face.

You would know it's for real.

Merj, how many times have l been wrong?

Stupid, monkey-ass moron.

I should quit wasting my time.

Hey, Bagel Guy.

You know my name?

She says to me, "You look like Lionel Richie."

-That's great, isn't it?

-No, that's not great. That's not good.

NICOLE:
Are you Chris?

DUNCAN:
No, but l can be...

-Chris would be me.

-...if you want me.

Excuse me. I need to place a bet.

Can you deal with this?

CHRIS:
Yeah, sure.

NICOLE:
Good.

The thing is, it's a sucker bet,

it's going to be over in 24 hours.

Plus, Matt has this whole...

...midnight madness thing mapped out.

MIKEY:
His friend is coming over

at the stroke of midnight.

You get it, the stroke of midnight.

Thanks, buddy.

So you'll take it?

Sure.

Thank you.

(Alarm clock rings)

(Upbeat pop music)

She's filled with heavenly sweetness.

I somehow don't think Mr. Butterworth

would appreciate that very much.

Excuse me? ls this taken?

No.

(Matt shrieks)

-You got to help me.

-You got to knock!

I'm seeing things. I swear to God.

Everywhere l look, l'm seeing tits and ass.

When l came in here, l swear to God,

l saw you kissing a nun.

Oh, my God! You were kissing a nun!

I'm slipping, Matt. I've already slipped.

It's your stories.

This is my fault?

No, it's mine.

It's been bubbling under the surface

for a long time now.

-I'm leaving the seminary for a little while.

-What?

It's just a sabbatical. If l come....

When l come back, it'll be for good.

So you can't help me?

You're on your own, little man.

(Matt hears electrical crackling

and women's sighs)

RYAN:
Welcome to the cathedral of ill repute.

ANASTASIA:
Merci, monsieur.

RYAN:
Make yourself comfortable.

I almost f***ed an outlet today.

-Since when do you smoke, Matt?

-Since today.

-Jesus.

-Is this him?

RYAN:
Yup, that's our boy.

ANASTASIA:
You started a whole new movement.

"Mega-Tantrism." Sex without orgasms ever.

Do you like to party?

Can l borrow your handcuffs?

If my hand is free,

l'm bound to do anything with it. Anything.

How much did you drink, Matt?

God's spirit made Jesus go to the desert.

He was there for 40 days while Satan tested him.

He was living with the wild animals...

...but angels took care of him.

Mark 1:
12.

I look like Jesus on the cross.

Yes, you do. You do.

-So what about your late night visitor?

-Leave the front door open a little bit.

And put that key right there.

When she comes, l'll tell her l was accosted

by home invaders, and they tied me up.

Okay, champ. Anastasia and l

are going to leave now. So you should sleep.

Think about the angels.

Peace be with you.

RYAN:
He is a little weird.

ERICA:
l feel like it's my first time.

SAM:
lt is, isn't it?

You are going to be great.

It's going to be great.

(Rhythmic drumbeat)

(Matt lets out a prolonged yell)

(Unearthly instrumental music)

ERICA:
(Voiceover) Show me you can do it.

You can do it, Matt.

Show me you can do it.

ERICA:
You can do it, Matt. You can....

NICOLE:
Do it.

NICOLE:
Oh, there we go.

Doesn't that feel better?

Relax, baby.

It's over.

Why? Why? Why would you do this?

This all started because of me.

It only seems natural that l should end it.

Here's your key. I kept meaning to return it.

Turns out the front door was open.

Were you expecting someone?

(Dramatic instrumental music)

(Alarm clock rings)

(Suspenseful instrumental music)

I was asleep.

I thought she was you.

Was it worth it?

Come on, Erica, please. Erica!

Erica!

Sh*t.

(Sentimental instrumental music)

I'll say it was me, and l set the whole thing up.

I'll say that l handcuffed you to the bed,

which is true.

That l sent her over here.

That she was here to see me.

-No.

-No?

Well, l'll tell her something less idiotic obviously.

No.

No more lies.

This doesn't seem like one of those

"the truth will set you free" situations.

No, it doesn't.

SAM:
Guess who dropped by.

He left hours ago.

He brought you this.

Personally, l prefer the telegram.

But l did get to talk to him for a little bit.

-So, l don't want to hear about it.

-Okay.

-Now you're on his side?

-Yeah, Erica, he melted my heart.

He's a real mess about you.

It was a little pathetic.

It's not good enough.

Don't be stupid, Erica. He's crazy about you.

What else do you want?

It helps with static cling.

Where's your laundry?

I've been here everyday this week,

all my laundry is clean.

I know l screwed up with you...

...over and over and over.

It just took me a long time

to realize what l was doing.

Yes, it did.

I was trying to take a part of me

and make it go away.

And l closed my world off.

I put myself in a little box.

For a while, everything seemed clear.

But then you came along...

...and that didn't help anything.

Remember when you said that you can never tell

about someone until you kiss them?

I screwed up.

I should have just done this.

(Romantic instrumental music)

Are you done talking now?

-Son of a b*tch.

-Damn it!

Pot's up to $140.

Anybody else want in on hour 39?

How do we even know that they are still in there?

They could have put the CD player

on repeat or shuffle.

-That's a good point.

-It is a good point.

They could have snuck out the back window...

...and we're sitting here, like a bunch of chimps.

You know what? Look at me.

I've been here the whole time. Believe it.

(CD music stops)

(CD music resumes)

Put me in for $10.

-He'll keep going though.

-$2.

-Hey, Matt.

-Hi, Matt.

All right, you guys. Come on, get out.

Get out of my house.

Come on. Come on, get out of my house.

-I'll grab a couple of these.

-'Bye.

-Later, stud.

-See you later.

Thanks for the fish, Matt.

Looking good by the way.

How long are you going to be in there?

DUNCAN:
l'm going.

RYAN:
Chris, l'll call you tomorrow.

-What are you doing?

-You, too.

-I don't have my keys.

-Good.

-This is my house, dude.

-Not for the next 24 hours it's not.

And you all should be ashamed of yourselves.

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