44 Inch Chest Page #2

- I mean,

look at the f***ing state of me.

- Tweedy, eh?

- All I ever did was love her.

Maybe I loved her too much.

Maybe that's it.

Liz?

It's me.

I'm home.

Here he is.

He's bearing gifts.

Look.

Look what I got you.

Avril's been at it again,

f***ing up big style.

She's useless.

Almost cost us a sale

on an XKR Jag.

F***ing hell,

last week the Saab,

this week the Jag.

I gave her a verbal warning,

told her if

she didn't buck up her ideas,

she'd be out the showroom.

I'll stick her desk in

the backyard beside the khazi.

Liz, love, what's wrong?

What is it?

What's the matter?

What's up?

What's happened?

- Colin.

- Liz, love, what's wrong?

- I'm so sorry.

- What you sorry for?

What you

what you sorry for, Liz?

- I'm sorry, Colin.

- So you said.

You've said that.

I've got that.

What you sorry for, Liz?

You're scaring me, Liz.

- I've met someone else.

- What?

You're kidding.

- I'm sorry.

- Someone else?

I- I don't understand.

I've just come in

through the door,

and now I'm...

Now I'm, um...

Met someone else?

I know what you're all thinking.

"Poor Colin.

He's pathetic. "

You can say it.

I can take it.

Well, you can all f*** off.

Sling your dirty hooks.

Sorry to have inconvenienced you

and all that,

but uour services

are no longer required.

Snakes.

Laughing at me.

I might look like a c*nt,

but I'm not f***ing stupid.

- No, it's her

that's stupid, Col.

It's Liz.

- What do you know about her?

What do you know about

what it means

to be f***ing married?

You still live

with your f***ing mum.

- Oi.

- This is why Loverboy

must be killed.

This is why she must be killed.

Do this to a man?

Jesus f***ing Christ almighty.

Fire and f***ing sword.

It's unforgivable.

De-f***ing-plorable.

Look at the man.

Where is he?

Look at him.

He ain't there.

Someone else.

F***ing shell that is,

if that,

sad, empty shell.

Hurts your f***ing eyes.

Can hardly look at him.

Make you weep.

Oh, mother of God,

theu will suffer.

Oh, yeah, they will suffer.

That is my promise.

They will f***ing suffer.

- I'm sorry, Arch.

I don't know what I'm saying.

I'm cracking up, mate.

- That's all right, mate.

Forget about it.

It's understandable.

- Here, Colin,

this'll cheer you up.

Have a guess

how much I won last night.

- F***ing suffer.

- Have a guess.

- How much you win?

- Well,

when I left here last night,

I was buzzing.

I was on my way to

the Buckingham for a quick one.

None of you wet willies

wanted to come.

And guess who

I bumped into.

- Meredith!

- Tippi Gordon...

- Off his f***ing face,

pumping, zooming.

Pupils the size of a sixpence.

both:
You up for it?

Are you with me?

Night of it, beauty boy?

You up for it?

Boys' night out?

- He was on his way

to the Grenadier,

invites me along.

both:
I like a line the size

of a f***ing Toblerone.

Oi, bumface, here you are.

- Get your nose

stuck into that.

- Go on, then.

What'd you win?

- 40,600 is what I won.

- F***ing hell.

- F*** me.

- How?

- Well...

We were f***ing about.

So I bet Tippo five grand

he can't win

six grand in a minute.

- I f***ing can.

- Go on, then.

Smacks six thou down

on the black.

both:
Red, c*nt.

Double or quits.

- He bets black.

- Black! Come on!

Come on, you c*nt!

Come on, come on, come on,

black.

Come on, then, red.

God!

both:
Double or quits twice.

- Bets black.

- Come on.

Come on.

Black! Black!

Come on!

both:
Red, c*nt.

Double or quits.

- For the third time.

Only this time,

he bets red.

- Now, come on, come on.

Come on, come on, come on!

Come on, oh, yeah, yeah.

Come on.

Black!

- C*nt, c*nt.

- Meredith.

- "You are a c*nt.

"Here's your 40,000.

Thank you very much.

See ua. "

Well, for a giggle,

I've had 400

on the pontoon table.

Splat blackjack.

Lovelu.

Six to four.

That's me done.

Had some dinner in the corner:

fillet steak, couple of spuds.

Last drink, large calvados.

"Home," methinks,

"Get me a cab. "

Over the bridge.

Bung him a nifty.

"Ta, gov. "

Wipe my feet,

cup of cocoa,

into me jim-jams, lights out.

Ain't life grand?

- You mean you didn't stop off

at the poofs' club?

- No, Peanut,

since you so kindly ask,

I did not go to the Clayton,

not last night,

but I shall be there tonight

later on, looking for

some hot male action.

Is that all right with you?

- Don't f***ing start, you two.

- Putting uour one

in another man's bum.

Sodomite.

Buggerer.

- Peanut, what I choose to do

with my 91/2

has got f***-all to do with you.

- It's disgusting.

Man with man.

- All right, all right.

- F***ing smarm.

- All right!

I've loved you too much,

haven't I?

That's what I've done wrong.

Driven uou awau, driven uou

into the arms of someone else.

That's what I've done.

Suppose I deserve it; must do.

Who'd have thought it, eh?

That you can love someone

too much?

I just don't understand

what I've done wrong.

You're gonna miss me.

You've made a mistake.

You're gonna

you're gonna miss me.

You're really gonna miss me.

And in a couple of days' time

when it all sinks in,

oh, you'll regret that.

What an error.

What a boo-boo.

You've messed up.

Boy, have you messed up.

And y-you know what?

When uou realize

how silly you've been,

how impulsive,

how feminine you've been,

uou're gonna come

running back to me

with your tail

between your legs

begging me

to come back to you.

And will I?

Will I?

No, not on your nelly.

No, no.

No.

Hang on, Colin.

Hang on, old son.

You're lying to yourself.

'Course, you'll take her back.

'Course, uou will.

I'll take you back, Liz.

I'll forgive you,

'cause that's

what overlovers do, you see?

Theythey overlove.

They love too much.

- It's not working between us.

Well, it's not working for me,

and it hasn't been working

for a long time.

- That's because you haven't

been doing your bit, Liz.

You haven't been doing your bit,

uou see?

Love is like a garden,

and in order to keep it

looking beautiful,

you got to do the weeding,

and you haven't been doing

the weeding, Liz.

It's because you're lazy.

You're

you're a lazy lover, Liz.

And now the garden is overrun.

It's a jungle, innit?

We're lost in the jungle,

and we can't see each other.

- I don't feel like that, Colin.

I don't feel the same as you.

I just want to get out.

- Well, f*** off, then.

Go on, get.

F*** off.

I'll be all right,

you selfish bastard.

I ain't gonna stop you.

Get your stuff and leave mine.

I'll attend to that.

You f*** off,

you horrible c*nt.

You're a traitor.

I hate uou.

- Well, if you're gonna

start calling me names

- Don't you

a nasty, unfaithful cow who

sucked another man's bell-end

tell mefucking tell me

that I'm calling you names.

Who is he?

- Does it matter?

- Who is he?

Tell me the c*nt's name.

I want to know.

- He's just a guy.

- Oh, just a guu.

He's just a guy.

Not a bloke?

Not just a bloke?

He's a "guy. "

He's a c*nt.

I'll cut his cock off

when I find him.

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