44 Inch Chest Page #7

uou c*nt!

I'll rip your f***ing arsehole

out in a minute!

That we...

I love you.

I just need uou

to understand that, Liz, please.

Surely I deserve something.

I mean, 21 years is a long

a- a life...to dedicate.

Surely, Liz, please.

Something...

- Help me.

- What?

- Help me.

Help me.

Help.

Help me.

- Tell me his f***ing name!

Oh, Liz.

- Yeah, massive, it was.

Massive head.

The size of it,

it's like a melon,

like a pumpkin.

Grotesque.

Huge.

Well, it wasn't so much

his head.

It was his face.

It was sort of abnormally big,

an abnormality.

The bone structure

was out like that

rhinoceroussy

and had grown out of proportion

to the rest of him,

because his skull

the skull itself,

you know, the top of it

that was in actuality

quite small.

It's no bigger than

a coconut,

but it was all pointy and all.

Yeah, the coroner said

he'd never seen nothing like it.

He thought he'd found

the missing link.

- Sounds f***ing horrible.

- No, the women loved him.

I mean, I don't know

if he got any of that,

but he was seemingly

quite the thing,

supposedly a great laugh,

good sense of humor.

Well, you'd have to have one,

reallu, wouldn't ua?

- And he was a good dancer,

this chap?

- Yeah, ueah,

that's what they said, nifty,

right little Gene Kelly.

Sad, though, top yourself

like that, over a cat.

- Must have loved it.

- Yeah, well, animals

don't discriminate, do they?

To the cat, he was beautiful.

- Well, come on.

This won't get

the washing done.

- Yeah, he's had enough time,

ain't he?

- What's the pillock doing?

- Oh, my arse

has gone to sleep.

- The old numb bum?

- It's all

gone a bit quiet in there.

- So what do you reckon?

- Let's go in.

F*** it.

- Hope to Christ

he's done something.

- Don't hold your breath.

- What's been happening

then, Col?

- We any further forward?

- He's still with us, I see.

- Well, I'm gonna have a beer.

Who wants one?

- Yeah, I'll have one.

- Nothing's happened.

Why has nothing happened?

Don't uou want

your pound of flesh?

- Not looking like it.

- Lord love a duck.

I give up.

F*** this.

Streuth.

F***ing baby!

Milksop!

- Had any thoughts, Col?

- Col?

- Aye?

- Any thoughts?

- Thoughts?

- Yeah, thoughts.

- Oh, one or two.

- Oh, yeah?

Like what?

- I'm letting him go.

- Do what?

You ain't.

- That's my decision.

That's what I've decided.

- Cobblers.

- Maube.

- Poppucock!

- Oh, it's his call.

It's your call, Col.

Oh, "Call, Col,"

hark at me.

I'm tired.

- Lightweight.

- Well and truly

cream crackered.

- So what we saying?

He's walking?

- He's free to go.

- Free to go?

Free to go?

Whu don't uou give him

a kiss good night as well

while you're at it?

Let's have

a whip-round for the c*nt.

Oh, I can hear Brighton Billy

spinning in his f***ing grave!

Free to go!

- Oi, he's listening.

Look, his ears

are out on stalks.

He can't believe it.

- It's not too late

to change your mind, Col.

Think about it.

I'll do it for you if you like.

Freebie.

- And Liz, wherever she is,

what about her?

Is she free?

Well, that's it, then.

- He's a very lucky boy.

You're a very lucky boy.

He f***ing is very fortunate.

- Well, come on, then, Col.

Do the honors.

It's your party.

Some of us have got homes

to go to.

- I'm really upset about this.

- You're free to go, mate.

You're free to go, mate.

Go on.

- Attaboy.

- Is he finding his land legs?

In your own time.

- Here, you.

Look at me.

Don't you go blabbing off now,

will you?

Good boy.

Now get out of my sight,

uou piece of sh*t.

- Shut the door behind you.

- So, kittens, what we up to?

- Don't know.

What you doing?

- Peanut and me are going

down the Clayton, ain't we, Pop?

Yeah.

- You never know.

You might like it.

- Does it do grub?

Ready for me breakfast.

- Do what you want.

You coming?

- Yeah, why not?

Be an eye-opener, won't it?

- Right, we ready for the off?

You want dropping off?

- Yeah.

You stopping off for one?

- Yeah, if you like.

Col?

- I might catch you later.

- Well, so we're off now, yeah.

Cheerio.

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