4th Man Out Page #8

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Just don't ever do that

to one of my sausages again.

Okay.

Honey, is there anything

you want to add?

I'll get the iced tea.

I... heard the Ortu's are

getting the good fireworks

this year.

Shipped all the way from China.

Yeah. I don't think

I'm gonna go.

Did you forget to rsvp?

'Cause you know you can't get

the good ribs unless you rsvp.

Yeah, that's what I hear.

I screwed up.

I screwed up big time, dad.

Just keep being yourself.

And if you get hungry tomorrow,

you can have some of my ribs.

Okay?

Yeah.

Let's go, Chris.

Our reservation

is in less than 30 minutes.

Okay, 30 minutes is plenty of

time to get to cheesecake factory.

Adam.

Hey.

Dorothy CUDA.

Wow. You look great.

- Thank you.

- How are you?

- Really good.

- Good.

Yeah. How are you?

Good. I'm good.

I'm gay now. In case my

mom didn't tell everybody.

She did.

I... I heard.

- I'm sure.

- Yeah.

Is it true,

you shoved a sausage

down your...

Yep. Yep.

- Yeah?

- I did that.

Happens to everybody.

Right?

Does it?

Do you wanna go to the party?

Yeah. Yeah.

Let's do it.

I've got some things

I'm working on

doing my best

but freaking out

should I even

keep trying

Okay, I'll see ya.

Am I the only one

that feels

the world is stepping

on my heels

Dude, did you really just do a

casual slow-mo walk up in here

with Dorothy cu da?

Are you straight now?

No. Definitely,

definitely still gay.

Thank god. So you're gonna put

in a good word fdr me, right?

Oh, she's way out

of your league, Nick.

What do you know,

you're with that idiot.

Yeah. Happy fourth

of July, dipshits.

Welcome to the Ortu's'.

Baby, you like my outfit?

You're so sexy.

Just like a burly

Benjamin Franklin.

Oh, did you guys know Benjamin

Franklin died of syphilis?

Fact. He did.

Hey, well worth the risk.

So do you guys know

where Chris is?

Mm. I texted earlier, but

he's being flaky as sh*t, so...

Uh, yeah. I haven't talked

to him for a while,

but I'm sure he's gonna show up.

What's going on

with you two guys?

Dude, it's

freakin' Jess. Okay?

She's got him by the balls.

Power cf the p*ssy.

You have no idea

how dangerous it could be.

Have you guys

f***ing read MacBeth?

Can you please

turn the radio down?

I can't even think.

Is that a prius

with two kayaks on it?

Who the f*** cares?

And a "save the whales"

bumper sticker.

What are you doing?

The cheesecake factory is on

the other side of the mall.

Do me a favor,

hand me that hockey stick.

Huh. I am not walking

all the way over there.

Chris, I am sick

of your bullshit.

Get back

in the car, limp-dick.

We're going to be late.

Jessica, I think

we should break up.

Forever.

Sorry about this.

Maybe not.

All right.

Hey, is she looking?

No, man.

F*** you, man.

Aw, f***.

Hey. I'm sorry

about the other day.

- The sausage thing.

- Oh, it's okay.

Cookie?

- Go ahead, take two.

- Okay.

Today we're all

on the same side.

- Whose, god's?

- Oh, no.

Don't be silly.

America's.

Do you think your gay lovers

would want some cookies?

What did you call us?

Oh, is that chocolate chip?

Ooh, oatmeal raisin.

The vegetable of cookies.

- Here you go, man.

- Thank you very much.

Attention.

Attention everyone.

I've got an announcement.

Are the ribs ready?

No father O'Malley,

they're not ready yet.

I promise you won't

miss out this year. Okay?

If we could just get the music

turned down a little bit,

I just want to say something.

Guys?

You guys know

what that means, right?

What's up, Chris?

- Hey.

- Hey beautiful.

How are you?

What am I f***ing wood here?

Hey, man.

You came.

Yeah, well, I RSVP'D, so...

Where's Jess?

Ah, we broke up.

What dues that mean? You're

not gonna f*** her anymore?

I don't think I could

f*** her if I wanted to.

That's awesome, man. You can

do way bet-fer than Jess.

What's that supposed to mean?

You guys weren't

right for each other.

You didn't even like her.

How do you know how I feel?

You don't know sh*t.

Don't talk to me like that.

You said you hated her.

You told me you were straight

our whole f***ing lives

- and then you tried to make out with me.

- What? When did that happen?

No, I thought you were

trying to kiss me...

- Man, f***ing get over it.

- Get over it?

I was sad and desperate, I

would've tried it with anybody.

I'm not anybody, dude.

I'm your best f***ing friend.

- Hey. Hey. Hey.

- I'm so sorry

- that my being gay inconvenienced you.

- Hey, guys...

Why didn't you tell me

you were gay

20 f***ing years ago?

I was three.

Jesus, come on.

The ribs are ready.

Dad, terrible timing, okay.

I'm sorry.

Look, guys. Cheer the f*** up.

It's fourth of July.

We're here gathered today to

celebrate our country's independence.

Red, white and blue.

Ribs, beer, friends,

family, whatever.

But the most important thing

to me right now is that

I don't wanna be

independent anymore.

Michelle Valentino,

can we stop f***ing around,

and make me the

luckiest man that ever lived?

Will you marry me?

- Yes.

- Good answer.

Do I know what I'm doing?

I don't know.

Ahh.

You're gonna be an Ortu.

Congratulations.

Dad, please put the ribs down.

Holy sh*t.

Did that just happen?

Yeah.

Jesus, man. How long have

we not been hanging out?

I don't know, man.

A really f***ing long time.

Hey. Happy fourth of July.

What are you doing here?

Um, Adam invited me actually.

Surprise.

Sorry, I don't think you

guys have been introduced.

Chris. This is Rachel.

Rachel. This is Chris.

It's nice to meet you, Rachel.

We're getting married!

Are you gonna be okay?

That must have come

as quite a shock to you.

You two looked

so happy together.

Seriously.

This is gonna change everything.

Hey guys.

What's going on?

Did we miss anything?

Oh, don't worry, Karen.

The party's

just getting started.

May I have this dance, mom?

- What do you say, Rachel'?

- What just 'cause you know my name now,

you think I'm gonna

dance with you?

Well, it is dance party.

Okay, we'll see what you got.

Hey, Nick.

Do you wanna dance?

Yes.

So, Adam. When are we

gonna see you with a nice boy?

I don't know, mom.

And told me apart

so I could begin

ooh, ooh

I'm on my way

I'm on my way

ooh, ooh

I'm on my way

I'm on my way

I see it, I feel it

I'm going,

I'm on my way

there was a scum

brushing my skin

you told me apart

so I could begin

ooh, ooh

I'm on my way

I'm on my way

I see it, I feel it

I'm going,

I'm on my way

I can't believe we burned

through $89g worth of fireworks

in 1 2 minutes.

It's money well spent.

Yeah.

Man, I'm really sorry

- about everything.

- No, you don't have to be sorry, man. I'm sorry.

- No, you guys have been really cool about this whole time.

- Adam.

- I was stupid and I didn't even mean to.

- I shouldn't have acted like

- it was such a big deal. -I was

lonely, and if I could take it back,

- I would. But I can't

- it wasn't a big deal.

- It was my fault...

- So, can we just forget that...

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