6:66 PM Page #7

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How do I put it?

PETER:

Pretty dead.

DANIEL:

Yeah.

SHERYL:

Yeah.

Sorry.

And it's such a shame about

Fluffy because he was such

a kind, warm-spirited kitten.

Yeah.

Fluffy, yeah.

Damn fine kitty.

How are we gonna explain

this to the police?

You don't intend on

letting us get to the police,

do you, Jimmy?

[maniacal laughing]

What gave me away?

The kitten's name

was Mittens, not Fluffy.

And, uh, Stan

really loved his p*ssy.

Let me tell you a little

story about your friend, Stan.

When saw his dead little p*ssy,

he had himself a heart attack

Fell out right there.

I saw an in,

and I took it.

You two would make

really good investigators in

real life. Just saying.

STAN:

Shut up!

It's time to pick

up where I-

[GUN CLICKS]

left off.

Get your asses

outside! Now!

I said, move. Look tits.

Get outside.

Get out there! Turn around.

Keep it moving. Don't

look at me! Follow him.

Hands on his shoulders.

Get in line.

[CRICKETS]

SHERYL:

Ahh!

PETE:
Okay. Okay, okay, okay.

STAN:
Get over there.

STAN:

What's the matter?

EVIL MUSIC:

[MUMBLING]

PETER:
Unh-unh. Unh-unh. Unh-unh.

Unh-unh. Unh-unh.

STAN:
Get your asses

down those stairs.

I said now! Get!

Are you sure...

STAN:
Down!

DANIEL:
Okay.

PARANORMAL X-FILES MUSIC

Maybe we should settle this

over a game of flashlight tag.

SHERYL:
Oh, yeah. I used to love that game.

Didn't you, Pete?

This isn't really

the time to reminisce.

Pete, wouldn't

you like to play a game of

flashlight tag with

him? With your flashlight?

Right now.

Yes. I would

love to play flashlight tag,

as long as I'm not it. Ah!

SHERYL:

Those damn energy drinks.

Move.

Oh!

Move.

SHERYL:
Wasn't there a time

limit to being in this world?

STAN:
You botched the ritual earlier.

There are no time

restraints anymore.

DANIEL:

Where you taking us, Jimmy?

STAN:

To where I bury the bodies.

[EERIE WINDY AMBIENCE]

SHERYL:
You want us to see

for ourselves, don't you?

You're wracked with guilt,

and if you take us to the spot,

you'll feel some

sense of closure, right?

There is no motive

other than I intend

to cut your eyes out

and slice out your tongue.

Can't you just shoot

just like you did Pete?

Don't worry, I'll be

entering him soon enough.

DANIEL:
Uh, for the

record, that means, uh...

STAN:

Turn around.

On your knees.

[laughing]

I got an idea.

Let's start with your mouth

first because it's so pretty.

Um, are you

thinking the knife or the gun?

Because I have a severe

phobia to both of those.

I can't let evil win. I can't

let evil win. I have to believe.

I have to believe. I do believe.

I really don't like

anything in my mouth.

I command all

you restless spirits to come to

the aid of me and my friend.

Come to us now and protect us

against this demon-infested

fiend. [GUST OF WIND]

STAN:

What are you doing?

It's working, Sheryl. It's

working. You're talking to

the dead. Keep going.

That's enough out of you!

SHERYL:
Come to us now. Come

and take away the evil that

has taken your souls

and wants to take more.

[GUST OF WIND]

Ah!

[CROWS GAWKING]

Get away.

Come now. It is time for your

redemption. It is time for you

to take your revenge.

[FAINT LAUGHTER]

No! No! Ah!

NO! OH! OH!

[INTENSIFIED LAUGHTER]

[ZAP]

DANIEL:

Holy sh*t!

Holy sh*t,

Sheryl, you did it!

You did it!

SHERYL:

Oh, oh, my God.

That's the power

of positive energy.

Let's figure out how

to get the hell out of here.

SHERYL:
Oh, Stan's car!

Maybe there's keys in it.

PETER:
Hey! You guys

were gonna leave me?

SHERYL:

Our bad.

Shotgun.

My camera.

Hey, I gotta get

my camera. Hey, don't leave me!

I'm f***ing serious. Don't

f***ing Leave me here.

[DRAMATIC SOUND EFFECT]

Go! Go!

So what happened?

Oh, Sheryl was great. She was

great. She used her psychic

powers and she

summoned the supernatural.

What?

Let's just say we had a

little help from the other side.

Lorraine was there for us.

What, really?

Oh, wow.

How did she look?

Inappropriate, Pete.

What, I'm... I'm... I'm

sorry, okay? I liked her.

There, I said it.

I know.

Uh, weren't the house

lights on a second ago?

SUSPICIOUS MUSIC

You always have to

notice everything, Pete.

Yeah. Can you just stop

recording for like a minute just

so we can, you know,

get out of here?

Yeah.

PETER:

Uh, not yet. Look.

DANIEL:

Oh, what the hell?

[ENGINE REVVING]

[BRAKES SQUEAL]

DANIEL:

Hell yes. Hell yes!

Yeah. You got that zombie cat.

Actually, no. That

was just a regular cat.

You guys didn't notice the

different color or that it was a

little bit bigger, and that it

wasn't all bloody and half

mangled?

[CRICKETS]

UPBEAT CHEERFUL MUSIC

SHERYL:

I got service.

PETER:
Yes! 911 right now. Tell

them we're coming in hot. Gunshot.

Male.

MUSIC CONTINUES:

I got our next show for

the network right here. Aw yeah!

Beat me with a broomstick.

We are gonna be famous.

MUSIC CONTINUES:

[SCREAMING]

SPOOKY PIANO MUSIC

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