6:66 PM Page #6

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that dead motherf***er.

[BONE SOUND]

Now, that's an exorcism.

Ew, you got brains on your top.

Ew.

Sh*t, Lorraine. Lorraine,

stay with me. We beat Beck,

you hear me? Okay. We won.

You... you got it on film?

Yeah, we sure did.

Inappropriate, Pete.

Pete?

Yeah.

Is she...

Wait for it.

[SCREAMING]

Yeah, now, she's dead.

You sure? She

tends to lie a lot, Pete.

There goes my spa weekend.

You gonna be okay?

Yeah.

You think you could

put the toilet seat down for me,

because I really have to go.

Let's talk about this

whole possession thing.

So the spirit

doesn't go into the living,

it goes into the dead

for an hour. And then when you

smash the dead dude's head,

it leaves the body?

[TOILET FLUSHES]

Yeah, but then where does it go?

Because he's still got another

20 minutes left in this world

according to my watch.

Your turn.

Pardon me. [SCREAMING]

Ow!

Oh, my God,

I'm so sorry, Lorraine.

Inappropriate, Pete.

Oh, you a**hole! We

were gonna have babies!

Lots and lots of babies.

Okay. Okay. It's done. Alright.

Okay. Okay. Okay. It's done.

She's right. She's

right, it's done. It's done.

Sheryl's right.

It's done, buddy.

Damn, it's more

blood and her hair.

I hope those aren't pubes. Ugh!

Okay. Okay.

He's gone. He's gone. He's gone.

Jimmy's gotta be gone. Jimmy...

Jimmy... Timmy is gone, right?

Right? There's no more. There's

no more freshly killed people.

There's no more freshly killed

people. That's it. That's it. We

just gotta walk back to town.

Are you sure about that?

EMMETT:

I'm back.

The f***.

SHERYL:

Split up.

[DARK DREARY SYNTH]

I wish I had a weapon or a

really big cup of holy water.

Oh hold on a second. We've

been going about this all wrong.

We can't fight

the spirit and win.

Yeah. Because we don't have a

giant cup of holy water, I know.

No. We need the supernatural

to fight the supernatural.

Yes. Yes. Like King

Kong or Godzilla, exactly.

Or all those ghost clowns

he killed whose souls are out

there. I've read enough scripts

to know what their souls need is

redemption. I'm gonna get them

to fight for us.

There's gotta be like, what,

12 of them, maybe more?

And don't

forget about that cat.

Right. And the cat. They

all must hate him for what he

did to them. Hmm.

They're gonna take our side.

[GHASTLY GROANS AND MOANS]

Ghost clowns?

Ghostly alternative life style

midget clowns?

I read somewhere that we only use

like 10 percent of our brain? Which

means that we actually have all

this psychic ability stored up

in like the other 70 percent.

All I have to do is believe.

Come to me little people of the

night and assist us in the fight

against the very spirit

that put you in the ground.

[MIDGET LAUGHTER

AND CIRCUS MUSIC]]

You did it,

Sheryl, you're psychic.

You really... you did it!

Never underestimate

the power of positive energy.

[MIDGET LAUGHTER]

[MIDGET MUCUS SPLATTER

FOLLOWED BY LAUGHTER]

Oh. Oh.

Oh, my God. What is it? What

is it? Ghost midget ectoplasm?

[LAUGHTER]

Bad clowns,

very, very bad.

[LAUGHTER]

CLOWNS:

Boobies!

Shhh... We don't want

the crazy killer outside

the door to hear us.

[FOOTSTEPS IN THE HALLWAY]

[DOOR RATTLE]

EMMETT:
Who's gonna be first?

The p*ssy camera guy?

PETER:

Sh*t!

If clowns burst

through that door right now...

Shhhh...

[WOODEN DOOR CREAKS]

I'm sorry. I'm just

really f***ing terrified.

Do your countdown thing.

Do your countdown thing, okay?

Okay.

I'll be right back.

You're leaving me?

I have to

pee really bad.

Still?

I kinda got interrupted before.

Oh.

Just promise me you'll stay

right here, okay? No matter

what, you stay right here. Just

stay right here and I promise

I'll be back.

Okay.

[floor creaks]

Number six, Mariah Carey

"Vision of Love."

[OMINOUS SOUNDS]

[Screaming]

OW!

[GRUNTING]

Ow! Get off my titty!

Number five, Taylor Swift,

"Shake it Off."

Shake it off.

[Screaming]

Number four,

Lady Gaga, "Bad Romance."

I'm gonna f***

your face.

[PUNCH SOUNDS]

[GRUNTING]

[HEAVY BREATHING]

[CRICKETS]

[FLOOR CREAKS]

[OMINOUS AMBIENCE]

SHERYL:

Oh, God. Oh, my, God, Daniel.

Oh, God, Daniel. I'm so sorry.

You told me to stay.

You made me promise.

[CAR SOUNDS OUTSIDE]

[WOODEN RATTLING]

[SPOOKY PARANORMAL SOUNDS]

F*** these spirits.

Oh, I'm gonna avenge you.

I'm gonna burn this place to the

ground. The world will know

about the sacrifices you made

here. Oh, they will.

Yes, they will. Yes, they will.

[gasping]

[exhales]

I held my breath for way over

a minute that time, Sheryl.

Way over a minute.

EMMETT:

I am going to shoehorn your

a**hole wide open, motherf***er.

[GRUNTING AND SCREAMING]

Get off me!

[CUCKOO CLOCK GOES OFF]

PETER:

Wait!

[knocking]

It's me, Pete.

We can't risk it.

Open the door!

[WIND WHISTLES]

This is karma for

not picking up your dad.

PETER:

What?

Open the door, please. Open the

door. Please open the door.

Please open the door.

[SCREAMING]

[KNOCKING]

Hey. Just, uh, just...- Hey.

A hallucination.

A**hole. F*** you.

[SCREAMING]

[THUMP]

[HYSTERICAL SCREAMING]

He did just buy us some time.

[Gagging sounds]

What the f***

are you doing, pervert?

Oh, wait.

We can't leave him.

DANIEL:

What? You just locked him out.

I know, I panicked.

PETER:
What are you doing

with my nipple? Ah!

Get off our cameraman!

DANIEL:
You want to grab tits, a**hole?

Grab this.

Oh, sh*t.

EMMETT:

Stronger reflexes in this body.

DANIEL:

Oh, sh*t!

EMMETT:
No one leaves.

SHERYL:
Hang on.

DANIEL:
Hurry! Hurry!

[Screaming]

DANIEL:
Oh, get in! Get in, Pete!

Get in!

SHERYL:
Oh, no,

you're messing it up!

PETER:

I'm sorry!

Pete, you gotta

get in the circle.

Ah!

DANIEL:

Get in the circle.

PETER:

You think I don't want to?

[SCREAMING]

[RELIEVED LAUGHTER]

SHERYL:
Oh my god. I think it worked.

He can't get in.

DANIEL:
Yeah, you can't

get in, d*ckhead.

[Screaming]

SHERYL:
We're safe inside the circle.

We just have to wait it out.

How long?

Two minutes.

SHERYL:

What's he doing?

DANIEL:
I don't know. Sheryl?

Sheryl? Sheryl?

I don't know.

Sheryl? Sheryl?

Sheryl? Sheryl?

[Screaming]

Ah! Ah! Ah!

Ah! Ah! Ah!

He's in.

But not the spirit. See?

DANIEL:
He messed up. He messed up.

Yeah, he's messed up.

There's no more dead

bodies for him to slide into.

[LAUGHING]

PETER:
Quit fooling around d*ckhead.

Your titty twisting days are

done.

[FOOTSTEPS]

[DOOR RATTLING]

Oh, God.

Who's that?

[GASPING AS DOOR CREAKS OPEN]

I didn't get paid.

PETER:

Where did you come from?

I came in a few minutes

ago to check up on y'all.

Had some chest pains.

DANIEL:
Victim Stan, we don't

have a ride back to town, sir.

Would you mind giving us a lift?

Hmm. Not at all.

Yeah. And also, there might have

been a few unexplained deaths on

and about the premises.

Oh. You don't say.

Maybe we can get

the murder tours going again.

Yeah, maybe.

If it works out

in your favor, why not, sir?

And Stan, about

your cat, sir, um-

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