6 Days to Air: The Making of South Park Page #5

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He's like,

"why don't you just wear a condom

if you're gonna f*** me."

You want to f*** me, mom? Just say so.

Go ahead. Here.

Huh? Go ahead, mom. F*** me.

F*** me right here in the Best Buy.

And it just cuts to the car,

and he's crying.

"I'm sorry."

"Oh, does 'f***' mean something naughty?"

"I'm just a little boy."

Why did you go outside to

a police officer and say,

"help, help,

my mom is trying to f*** me"?

Oh, wait, I get it now.

The "F" word is a no-no word,

and I shouldn't say it

around other people.

I'm sorry, mama.

If you're really sorry,

then you'll understand why

you aren't getting anything.

Well, now, that doesn't really

have any logical sense, mommy,

because I'm already being punished

by not getting the iPad, mama.

Oh, wait, I get it now.

The "F" word is a no-no word.

Oh, wait, I get it now.

The "F" word is a no-no word,

and I shouldn't say it

around other people.

I'm sorry, mama.

If you're really sorry,

then you'll understand why

you aren't getting anything.

This place is built around them being

a completely

self-sufficient operation.

There aren't shows that

have been 220 episodes

of the same people writing it,

directing it,

doing all the voices,

watching every shot,

every frame, and they also

preserve that outsider status.

Instinctively,

I think that helps you to be funny,

is to not have an allegiance to

any organization or whatever.

I think that's one

of the reasons why...

It's taking so long to do.

I think someone just farted

into the P.A. System.

And so I guess there's a

good chance that was Trey,

but I don't know.

So it's Monday at, what, 6:10 P.M.?

I'm pretty scared right now,

'cause I'm up to 28 pages,

and I still have one, two,

three, four, five scenes

still to write, and so...

And each scene's about

a minute long usually,

so this is gonna end up

being about a 40-page script,

I think,

which just means it just becomes brutal,

because you have to go back

in tomorrow and start...

As you're coming up with new stuff,

then you've got to start

taking scenes that are there

and figuring out, "okay,

how can we make this same thing happen

in half the time and rewrite it?"

And I sort of always call it

the rule of replacing "ands"

with either "buts" or "therefores,"

and so it's always like,

"this happens,

and then this happens,

and then this happens."

Whenever I can go back in the

writing and change that to,

"this happens.

Therefore, this happens,

but this happens"...

You know,

whenever you can replace your "ands"

with "buts" or "therefores,"

it makes for better writing.

The only note I have

on this week's show is "p*ssy"

and "f***" and "sh*t."

So do you want to bleep it,

push it, have me ask standards?

What do you think?

I think we should try to

see if we can get "p*ssy"

and lose f***.

Okay. I'll see what I can do.

"F***" is not funny. "P*ssy"...

All right.

It's so f***ing ridiculous,

but that actually is

the way we do things.

Now, the whole Cartman

through-story in this

is about Cartman getting screwed.

He gets screwed by his mother,

by Dr. Phil, by everybody,

and finally, at the end,

he gets screwed by God.

I need my ass lubed up

if you're gonna me, God!

Or how about you just moisten my

ass with your tongue first, huh?

How's that, God?

Could lick my butthole

before you f*** me next time?

Standards said, "maybe not.

"You can keep that line,

but you just got to be

a little less explicit about

explaining what that is."

So I'm just kind of waiting

for Trey to rewrite it,

and then I have to send it in again.

Do you think you could

have done this episode...

Like, if this was season two,

do you think that...

No. No.

This show wouldn't... no.

Like, go look at season two or

season one, and it's so tame.

It's like yo gabba gabba!

By comparison to what we do now.

Go home, you little dildo.

Dude, don't call my brother a dildo.

What's a dildo?

We do sh*t now on the show

that we could have never done

in the second season.

Ah, yes.

Dad?

Randy!

Oh, there was a ghost.

There's ectoplasm.

We're always surprised, too, by...

Sometimes in a week, we're like,

"dude, could we really do this?"

Just like most women out there,

I've gotten into queefing lately.

There's a lot of fun

and interesting ways

we can decorate our queefs

and just make them more

dynamic for the holidays.

What we're gonna do is just

cut out some paper, like this.

You can cut out little

stars or little moon shapes.

And then jam those up.

And then I've got some

simple little sparkles

from the hobby store.

See how pretty that was?

"Like, okay.

I guess we're gonna do this.

We'll see what happens."

And then nothing happens,

and everyone's like,

"yeah, that's just South Park.

Anyway"...

And, like, that's just sort of...

And it's just because, you know,

the way that South Park was

sort of brought into the world

and the way it all started,

even in its very first

season and everything.

That's just what it is,

and so it's...

For anyone to now... and

especially 15 years later,

for anyone to go up and go,

"did you see this

thing on South Park?

That was really offensive."

Someone's gonna be like,

"dude, shut up.

It's South Park."

I hope that sh*t's

still funny bleeped.

Like what?

All that sh*t about f*** me

and f*** me and...

The f***ing animatic's hysterical

the Dr. Phil thing.

Eric, you say that your mom f***ed you?

Yes, she f***ed me so hard.

She me f***ed on Christmas.

She me f***ed on my birthday.

You know, mom,

the least you could do is kiss me first.

If I was gonna f*** my son,

I'd kiss him first.

Got this massive Death Star

that I haven't even taken out

of the box yet,

'cause it's gonna be a beast.

Sometimes to get my brain

working a different way,

I'll just sit there and put

legos together, 'cause it just...

you got an instruction book,

and you just sit there,

and you do exactly what

something else tells you to do

instead of you having to

tell everybody what to do.

And it's just therapeutic.

But I did that one last run.

And actually, you can turn it on.

It actually walks.

It's pretty sweet.

McDonald's.

I got it.

Chicken nuggets,

and always with sweet

and sour or hot mustard.

- Big Mac?

- Yeah.

And how does McDonald's

affect your creativity?

It doesn't.

I just makes me happy for, like,

five minutes, 'cause I get...

I hate writing so much,

'cause the writing part of it

is actually so, like,

lonely and sad, you know,

'cause it's just...

There's that thing.

I know everyone's

waiting for me to, like,

get it done, and, like...

And just that little battle

of fighting over lines

and, like,

trying to figure out what the best way

to say certain things are,

so I just hate it so

much that a little bit...

It's just a little sunshine.

No, he's not.

I'll find him. Okay.

The search for Trey.

So what's going on with this show?

What I'm hearing is,

is that there's a bunch to write,

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