A Bad Idea Gone Wrong Page #2

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I don't know what's going on

right now.

Yeah, it's ruined.

Bingo!

- What? Office, where would you

keep a code?

- I don't know,

I don't have an office.

- Computer!

Oh, maybe it's in a

drawer or something.

- Hey, why don't we

just go out the window.

- No, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no!

Sensor, my sister has one of

these get ups at her house.

Try to smoke a little weed at

the end

of a stressful day

with the family,

suddenly, the whole damn

neighborhood's awake

and they have questions

about your life's decisions.

Oh!

- Where are you going?

11:
11. No, come on, we have

to find the.

- Hand me that phone.

- You can't just skip this one?

- It takes a minute.

It's 11:
11,

time for

the impossible question!

You guys know the deal,

but it's fun to say it!

$104,800, that's what

we're up to,

it's been 524 days since

a good soul has won.

Twice a day, every day at 11:11,

we pose the impossible question!

The generous folks

at black bear markets

add another hundred dollars

to the kitty.

Ya call with a correct answer

within 22 seconds, and you win

it all!

It would be so simple

if it weren't impossible!

- So phone's ready.

- Here it comes.

- What the f***?

- Shh!

What were the last words

of the first man to

commit suicide

by jumping off

the golden gate bridge?

- Come on, that's just!

- Oh, wait, you don't

wanna hear the answer?

- Some a**hole is gonna win,

and then the next day,

I'm gonna know the answer,

and then only win a

hundred damn dollars!

I believe I'd take

to a clock tower.

- Wonder how cold that water is.

- Huh?

- Those would be

cool last words.

You say, "I wonder how cold

that water is," and then.

- Come on, let's rob this place.

Who the f*** is that?

- I don't know.

- You said no one was here!

- She's not the person

who lives here.

- How do you know?

- Because I did my research.

- Then why wasn't

she in your research?

- She doesn't live here!

- Well who the f*** is that!

- I don't know!

- F***!

- We gotta cut bait, just get

out of here.

- Out of where? Out of the house,

just go, problem solved.

- We can't, the alarm.

Ah, we take a chair,

and we shove

it under the doorknob.

- And then what?

- She's stuck!

- So she'll call for help.

- Like on the phone

or out the window?

- W-what does that matter?

- Uh, ok.

Ha, hmm, we have to tie her up.

- What?

- Look, we need time!

We don't have time

if she finds us.

If she wakes up, she's going to

find us.

So, we have to tie her up.

Here we go!

Yeah, ok, we'll use that.

- What about our faces,

she can't see our faces.

Ok, we wrap her in the sheet

and just tape the

sh*t out of her.

- Why are we

wrapping her in the sheet?

- This is duct tape, man.

- So? So it's gonna

rip her f***in' skin off!

We're burglars, not a**holes.

- Fine, you go high, I go low.

- Sorry!

- Whoa, whoa, whoa!

- Sorry, sorry!

- Shut up!

- Help!

- It's ok, we're just

taping you!

- Help! Shut up, no one can hear you!

- Don't be a dick about it,

but he's right,

no one can hear you.

You good?

- Yeah.

- What the hell?

- Dah, my leg!

- What? You taped my left,

cut me loose.

- Ok.

Will you hold still?

- I'm not doing anything, he's...

- I'm trying to kick free!

- You can't

kick free, I have to cut,

ha-ha!

- Don't hurt me, don't hurt me!

- Wh, oh, we're not

gonna hurt you,

we're just gonna

steal some stuff

and then we're gonna, oh sh*t!

- What?

- My mask!

- I told you not to hog the

saran wrap!

- I didn't see anything.

- Look at yours, still on!

- I didn't hog it,

it, there just wasn't

enough to go around my...

- bullshit, you were wrapping

your head

like you were shippin'

it overseas!

- I didn't see your face,

just take whatever you want.

I don't care, I'm, I'm

just the house sitter.

- Yes, you did see my face,

you were looking right at me!

- I don't remember, just

vaguely Chinese, that's all.

- Chinese?

- Dude!

- Turn around, Doug!

- Whatever you're looking for, it's all

in a secret hiding spot, I know that.

All the valuables, a computer,

uh, I don't, just everything.

- Where?

- I don't know, I just heard

them talking.

- Ok, you stay here, let's go.

- We should put her back

in the bed.

- I'm fine.

- She's fine!

- No, come on, it's,

we might be a while.

- Really, I'm fine.

- What's your name?

- Darcy.

- Darcy, there's really

no reason

for you to be uncomfortable.

Come on.

- Jesus Christ!

- Good?

- Yeah.

- Shout if you need anything.

- But be f***in' quiet about it.

What are you the concierge?

- She saw my face, she can

identify me,

so I want her to feel as

good as she possibly can

about this whole experience.

W-why are you calling me

by my middle name in there?

You know how much I hate that.

- What are you talking about?

- You called me Doug!

- I didn't know that was your

middle name.

- Yes, you did.

I told you that, wait.

- Ok, now that I look at

it, I may have over-applied.

- So, we have a hostage now.

- Yeah, I know, it is not

ideal, her being here.

- No, it's not ideal.

- No, it is a problem,

but she solves our

two other problems.

- How?

- She knows the code.

- That's true. And we know all the great

stuff is in a secret hiding spot

we wouldn't be

looking for otherwise.

So, all we have to do is find

the spot,

steal the stuff, get the

code, and order our pizza.

- We can do that.

- Hell, yes, we can do that.

- What are you doing?

- There could be one of

those Scooby-doo deals,

where the little thing,

you know.

This is too much stuff!

- Let's start over here.

- Why in the hell would someone

keep a box of blankets

in the garage?

What's the practical

use in that?

You're in bed, you're cold,

you come out to the even

colder garage to get a blanket?

- Eh, I don't know. I know you don't know,

because you wouldn't do that,

because it's a

stupid thing to do!

That's the one percent

in action right there!

This is why our country's

in the shitter!

Hey, now!

If that's not a secret

hidin' spot!

- Oh, it's locked.

- Exactly, because there's

valuable stuff in here.

- Hey, whoa, no!

- What? You're gonna break

everything inside!

- But it's locked!

- So, we'll find the key.

- But we just found this!

- Perfect, so we're on a roll.

This house is just too damn

big, that's the real problem.

- Yeah, if you're robbing

it, but if you're

living here, it's

probably pretty nice.

- It's ostentatious!

I mean, if they were just

a little more humble,

we wouldn't have so many

rooms to look through.

I mean, what is this?

The f***ing parlor room or

conservatory, it's like clue!

- Niagara Falls.

- Yeah.

- Did you know Niagara Falls

is actually three

different falls,

horseshoe falls, bridal veil...

- did you move anything here?

- What?

- Uh, was there any other stuff?

- No, I just turned it on.

- Well, did you

put it there, though,

eh, in the center like that?

- No, it was just there.

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