A Bad Idea Gone Wrong Page #7

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- Hello?

This is the police!

Everybody ok?

- Oh, oh, ho-ho, oh, thank god!

Honey, honey, the security

guard's here!

- Oh, I'm so sorry!

- What?

- I'm so sorry about this.

- Kill the alarm,

I'm on the scene.

Hold the backup, stand by.

- Oh!

- Oh, god, thank you.

- Uh, I'm sorry, I,

I misplaced the little

slip of paper

that my sister wrote the code on

for me,

so, god, that alarm is

such a pain sometimes!

- Yeah, sometimes.

You said miss Deevers

is your sister?

- That's right.

That's me and, uh, my sister,

Jessica, the homeowner,

with our younger sister

Carla and mom and dad.

It's in Virginia

city, have you ever been?

- Nope.

- Oh, it's a thing to see,

just like you'da pictured

the old west to have been.

Like, it's a lotta fun.

- Well, I'll have to

check that out sometime.

- You'll have to take me,

god, he talks about it all the

time, but we've never gone.

- Well, you know.

You get busy.

- I've met your folks before.

Yeah, your dad.

- Randy.

- Yeah, Randy.

Uh, he helped me out,

I was havin' some trouble with

the gate.

- Well, I bet he loved that.

He's so good with those

sorts of things.

He should've been a mechanic

or maybe a surgeon, even.

Anything but insurance.

- Yeah, well, he, yeah,

he fixed it right up, so.

And your mom made these, um...

- I hope it was the lemon bars.

- Yeah, that's right.

- Lucky,

those are the only things

she knows how to make.

- Well, they were good, so.

- Well, you dodged a bullet.

Seriously, I've never

seen a woman

make more of a disaster of

snickerdoodles.

It's terrible, but you have to

eat 'em.

- I don't remember you folks

comin' in.

- Oh, you know, I think the, uh,

the other gentleman was working.

- Leslie?

- Ooh, I don't...

- Um.

- Yeah, he, he did work

the day shift.

Normally, he lets me

know if we have visitors.

- Yeah, uh, well, if

there's some paperwork

that we're supposed to

fill out or something,

we'd be happy to do it, I mean...

- no, you know, it's just

normally, people let us know

if they're gonna have

guests while they're away.

- Well, Jessica, details

aren't really her thing.

She just told us to get out

of the city for a couple days,

and, you know, spend

some quiet time together.

- We just got engaged.

- Well, congratulations!

- That's fantastic!

- Yeah, thank you, thanks.

- Phone's ready, here it comes.

What is the only

variety of grape

that is actually named

after a god?

- Can we get you

somethin' to eat?

- Oh, god, I'd offer you

some soup, but, aw god,

that darn alarm went out and,

god, it just surprised me!

- Uh, maybe some pretzels

or chips, or ravioli?

Some people don't like

eating it out of the can,

but it reminds me of growing up.

- Uh, no, I'm good, thank you.

- Oh, I'm told we have a caller,

and just in time!

Hello, are you ready to

reveal the impossible?

- Yes, it's sangiovese.

- Uh,

I-I'm sorry,

you need to speak up, please.

- It's sangiovese!

- That's correct!

- Whoa!

- Oh, that is, some people

have all the luck, huh?

- Man, I bet that guy's

partyin' hard wherever he is!

- No doubt!

Congratulations,

you've just won $105,000!

What's your name?

- Marlon.

- Like the fish?

- Yeah, yeah, like the fish.

- Uh, well, apologies again

for causing all the ruckus,

y'know?

- No problem at all.

Happens all the time.

These alarms are more

trouble than they're worth.

I mean, to be honest,

it's kind of a letdown.

Just once, I wanna come

in, guns a'blazin',

have it out with some scumbags.

We can dream, though, right?

You have a good night.

Oh, sh*t, sorry, guys.

I just gotta go by the

book with this kinda stuff.

- Of course.

- I just need you to

tell me the safe word.

- Rutabaga, sorry,

that's our safe word.

Ah, sorry, overshare.

- H-honey, uh, uh,

safe word?

- Yeah, you know, the word

you're supposed to know

when you're in the house.

Just clears that you're

actually allowed to be here.

- Mm-hmm.

- You can call your sister

if you need to, that's fine.

- Ooh, one word you say?

- Yeah.

- Honey,

you know.

- Niagara.

- That's the one.

You guys have a good night.

- Oh, uh, you, too.

Oh, hey, um, you can

leave that open,

we're gonna head to the store in

a second.

Start over with that soup.

- The soup, yeah.

- Sounds good to me.

- Let's get the f*** outta here!

- Fish!

- Did you hear that sh*t?

- Let's go!

- $105,000!

- Congratulations, let's go!

- Let's load these up!

- No time.

- What about the pizza?

- What?

- Our ride?

- I have my car!

- Go, go, go!

- Hold on, let me make

room for you.

- You leave anything there?

- Nope.

No, wait!

Bye.

- Chocolate chip pancakes?

Those sound amazing.

- Yeah, people like them.

- You know what, we might

be one-percenters, almost.

You know, collectively,

our forces combined.

But with this kind of

seed money,

we could plan a proper job.

You know, we're experienced

now, we can go big!

Something with grappling hooks,

or go all d.B. Cooper,

f***in' legends!

- Maybe we could just get

a little breakfast first, and

then see...

- yeah, yeah, yeah,

of course, um,

breakfast is on me by the way.

Huh, I should give

this to that guy.

- I'll get this one.

I owe Darcy a breakfast anyhow.

- Uh, ok,

so now that we're all, um,

it's actually Kate, my name.

- Devious.

- Where you gonna put that lamp?

- Craigslist.

It's our only score

from the job.

- Well,

and this.

- What, that's crazy!

Man, do they have celebration

items on a breakfast menu?

What would that be, like

an enormous pile of bacon?

We're goin' places, I'll tell

you that.

Non-tropical places, I'm standing

my ground on that issue,

but everything else is open,

'cause you gotta keep

yourself open to new things.

Keep it fresh, otherwise,

you get stuck.

I mean, you can't make a

plan to know about something

that you don't already

know about.

Hold up, that's f***in'

wisdom right there.

Yep, I just know it.

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