A Bag of Hammers Page #2

you'll realize that

it's not some great

embarrassment to have feelings.

Or care about someone.

You know?

Probably you won't

figure it out

until you're an old,

pathetic man

who lives in a

flophouse downtown

trying to steal enough food

from the garbage can

to keep your incontinent body

from shutting down

from pity and boredom

- Geez...

- I'm not finished, Alan.

- Alright.

- I was ready to share forever with you.

But did you care? No!

You'd rather share it with him

and steal, steal,

steal, Alan, Alan,

I mean, was I just

some hole for you?

What does he have

that I don't have?

Well, an indoor voice.

- Do you know why we broke up?

- I have some hypotheses.

A thousand reasons, but mainly

because I could not pierce

your emotional exoskeleton,

no matter how hard I tried.

What is so funny?

You did just say

emotional exoskeleton?

- Yeah. And?

- Yeah, okay. Definitely.

- That was what was funny.

- F*** you!

I told you I loved you

and... I was wrong.

Okay. Because a love

could never ever feel...

So strong.

Stop.

- What is so god damn funny?!

- I am not laughing, he...

I'm sorry. You speak in

Michael Bolton lyrics.

- That's funny.

- F*** you, Alan. F*** you.

You are ugly

and you have a little dick.

- Large for my height.

- How would you... listen-

Please, okay, I just want

to tell you that today

- we were working, okay-

- You were stealing.

...at Mountain View,

around noon,

and totally, coincidentally,

- Without any malice-

- Or whatever we took...

I should have known it was you.

You stole my car?

Yeah, but we didn't

know until after.

You stole my f***ing car!

- It wasn't like...

- ...but we did.

- And we're sorry.

- We're so sorry.

- And I still love you.

- And I still love you... um...

I don't still love you...

I don't like you...

I don't hate you...

it's in the middle.

It's right in the middle.

Ow!

It... it's ambivalence, mainly...

You really wanna do

another funeral today?

Ah, I'm open.

What do you feel like?

What is it?

Hey.

Is he wearing camouflage?

- Hey.

- You want some tea?

No.

You want to come out

of the hedge?

What are you doing, Alan?

He probably has lice.

Ben!

Hey, shouldn't you be at school?

I'm not going today.

Look, kid, if you want

to do good in school...

Well.

If you want to do

well in school,

You got to keep showing up.

Until graduation.

When did you graduate?

That is a good question.

When did you graduate?

That's -

that's not the point.

There's something

called a G.E.D.

Anyways...

Stay in school.

Okay?

Get a job.

Don't drink and drive.

Just say no.

- Okay, we gotta go to work.

- Yeah.

What do you do?

Can I come with you

to your job or something?

I've got money.

I can buy sodas.

I don't think your mom

would like that very much.

She won't care.

So, what kind of placement

are you looking for, Lynette?

Anything really. I just

would love to get to work.

Okay.

Your resume looks... fine.

Do you have call

center experience?

No, I don't.

But I like people.

Okay.

And what's your WPM?

- Excuse me?

- Words per minute.

Oh.

Thirty, thirty five.

- Right...

- But I'm getting faster.

Are you up to date on Mac OS-X?

Um, some yeah.

The older version, I think.

Excel?

Uh, no-

Quicken... or should

I bother to ask?

I'm sorry...

- Hey look at this.

- Hey!

D*ckhead!

Why you talk so funny?

Shut up, Scott.

- Part of growing up.

- Or what, D*ckhead?

Get off me!

Ooh.

Kid's got a jab.

You gonna cry, p*ssy?

Hey! That's enough of that.

Get out of here.

Leave him alone.

Get!

- What do you got?

- Oh nice!

They're unlocked.

- Are you really do that?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, what're you doing?

Come here.

It was an accident.

So you're new here,

aren't you, this year?

Yeah.

What school did you come from?

Luther Burbank?

No... Louisiana.

We just moved here.

After the hurricane?

That must have been scary.

Yeah.

Well I'm glad that

you're here now.

I'll keep my eye on you,

and if any of the kids

give you a hard time

I'll have them suspended.

Understand?

Okay.

- Can I go now?

- Mm-hmm.

- I'll see you tomorrow.

- Yeah, see you tomorrow.

Hi, Mom.

How was your interview?

The same.

What happened to your face?

I got punched.

Yeah, I can see that.

Let momma see.

- I think it's cool.

- No Kelsey! It's not cool!

- Who hit you?

- One of my friends I made at school.

We were playing chase.

It was an accident.

Well go put some ice on it.

We don't have any.

Well, there then.

Keep that on there.

Go do your schoolwork.

- You got arrested? Really?

- No, not really.

But it was close.

- We did a valet job... Nothing fancy

- Mm-hmm.

but I got caught speeding

in a school zone

and then the next thing we know

we've got boyfriends in Chino.

You guys are stupid.

Well, we got out of it Mel so...

Yeah, but you could have

gone to prison. A Felony.

Come on!

I just don't understand

how you can live like that.

I wonder what's

in the pie case today.

Pie is in the pie case

probably, Ben.

Let me just check it out.

I just don't know how you

could come here every day.

It's easy.

I get up in the morning

and I go to work, that's it.

So do I. That's it.

No, what you do

isn't work, it's-

Well it pays my bills.

And sometimes yours.

That's not fair.

Look, you can't be

a thief forever.

What are you going to do?

I mean, come on!

Go back to school, get a job.

- F*** it-I could get you a job here.

- Are you nuts?

- Stop it.

- Me? Waiting tables?

- Wiggling?

- Don't you dare insult waiting tables.

- Just don't.

- Okay, I'm sorry.

I'm not made to, you know,

sling bacon and juice

for whatever shithead

sits down in a booth.

So what happens when you

luck runs out? Then what?

This never runs out.

You've got to be kidding me.

Says the girl who's

wearing a waffle.

Don't. Don't. I don't want it.

You too good for it?

You're gonna start paying

your own tuition?

Ben. You're leaving.

Okay.

- Alright.

- Did you stick your fingers in my pie?

I barely touched it.

I find it difficult to listen

to Mel's version of reason.

We've had a plan,

it's always worked,

we've never been caught.

Yeah, but what if

she's right, you know.

What if our luck runs out?

Our con-luck or our like,

regular-person-luck?

I don't know. I guess both.

Well, how I figure it,

our circumstances

such as they were in Fresno

provided us few options.

Right.

So whatever we had

to do to get there,

I figure, we're sort of

karmically okay for doing.

What are you doing

with those clothes?

I told you to hang them up.

I accidentally shrunk them.

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