A Bag of Hammers Page #3

I knew you were gonna say that!

Goddammit Kelsey!

I told you exactly

what to do and junk!

Goddammit!

Fetch me those clothes pins

you little Satan.

You ruined my nice blouse...

- Sorry, Mom.

- I don't want your sorries!

I wanted my friggin' wardrobe.

I guess someone's soda money

is gonna be helping

get me some decent interview

clothes now, huh?

Yes, Mom.

- Stupid!

- I said I'm sorry...

Just get in the house, Kelsey.

Get out of my face.

Now!

Oh, that boy.

I swear.

Well...

I, uh...

I...

I dunno...

Hey.

Melanie Manilow?

What a pleasant surprise!

- Hey, Marty.

- Hi, yourself.

You're look positively

winsome...

- 'Winsome'...?

- He's has a vocabulary calendar.

Yes, I do. Excuse me.

My seat's over here.

Watermelon?

No I can't,

I have to study later.

So how you been living, Mel?

You looking good.

I mean, healthy.

Yeah. I'm fine.

Marty. How are you?

- Yeah, pretty good... Pretty good...

- Yeah?

- A little lonely.

- Oh.

Gets lonely at the shop,

working...

Alone...

Going back to an empty place.

No furniture.

No furniture?

Danish.

- That's nice.

- Nothing warm though, like a lady...

Okay...

I'm gonna go see-

I forgot what's in

the corner over here...

- Oh yeah, there it is.

- Did that get weird?

- Yes.

- Hey guys.

Who's this?

- Oh, this is...

- Kelsey.

Kelsey. Kelsey, this is

my sister Melanie.

You know Ben.

And this is my-

SU-perior.

That means boss.

- So Kelsey, what's up?

- Can someone take me to the store?

I ran out of Hungry Mans

and there's no more food.

Well, where's your mom?

I dunno.

But I've got some money.

See. And I'll trade you

some sodas for a ride.

- No.

- Would you like a steak instead?

- Okay.

- But I'll take a soda.

You can pick.

I've got cherry, grape,

cherry coke and... yeah.

- Wow, great.

- Come on.

- I'm going for it!

- You're gonna ask her out?

I know just what to do.

Did you see the way

she looked at me?

I'm gonna mix

a Squirt and a Root beer,

I call it a Squoot Beer.

I'd just like a Squirt.

I wouldn't drink that,

there's a lot of tequila...

That's impressive...

Careful, careful,

careful, Marty!

Is he? He's out.

He's out.

Oh man...

He hit his head pretty hard.

Yeah... he had the

melon to break it.

Well there's only

one thing we can do.

What happened?

Did he drink the whole thing?

He was just doing it

to impress you.

Oh. It so worked...

- Kelsey. You got any markers?

- Yeah.

Cool.

We need them. Get 'em.

Can I talk to you two

for a second?

I don't care what you say, Mel,

I'm drawing d*cks on his face.

No, it's not about that.

Sh*t, I'll help.

It's... have you been in there?

- In there?

- Yeah.

- No.

- No.

- She must not-

- Mel,

It can't be that bad.

They just moved in.

No seriously, it's bad.

You should call someone,

like the authorities.

Or, you know...

Well it's not really

our business, so...

No, I'm serious.

It's bad. It's like neglect.

You should do something.

Okay, I will do something.

I will.

I will draw a big hairy dick

on Marty's forehead.

Yeah, we'll start with that

and go from there.

- Yeah, we'll see.

- Yeah.

- Purple!

- Green.

Thanks, Kelsey.

- Mom?

- Hmm?

I cleaned up.

Right. Supper. Ahh...

- You want me to throw something-

- I did it already.

- You want some?

- No.

You want a soda?

- I... gotta go out.

- You just got home.

Yeah, well, Momma'a

gotta have a life, okay?

Just 'cause she

had you don't mean...

Just go to bed at ten.

You hear me?

You hear me, Kelsey?

Well, see you in the morning.

Bye...

- Hello?

- Vince Ortega, CDCS for Wyatt Joelson,

Sixth grade civics, Newberry.

Very funny, Vince.

How you doing?

Ah, what's up, buddy.

I'm good.

Just drowning in paperwork.

You were smart to get out, man.

Was I?

I'm drowning in homework.

What's going on?

I caught a name,

should be up at your school.

- Who's the kid?

- Kelsey Patterson.

Yeah, I got him in my

fifth period social studies.

What's your take then?

Don't really have one.

He's quiet, he's an odd kid.

He's new.

He doesn't have any friends.

I honestly don't know

him that well.

What's the complaint?

Just general neglect,

from the neighbor.

Do you want to do me a favor?

I'd like to see my wife

this month.

Will you go talk to the mother,

if it looks bad,

call me and we'll pull him.

- Okay?

- All right. What's the address?

Lynette Patterson?

Hello?

Anybody home?

Alan, we have a visitor.

Cop?

Hello? Is anybody home?

Uh, we're not religious.

It's not about that.

- Hey.

- Hi.

Who did you say you were...?

I'm just looking for

Lynette Patterson,

Kelsey's mom.

Oh, no, wrong house.

They're over there, actually.

There was a report made,

actually a complaint

filed by Melanie Manilow.

Is she home?

Oh.

No. She's my sister,

but she doesn't live here.

Oh, because she filed a report

with Child Protective Services.

Melanie's a little...

Do you guys notice anything

out of the ordinary?

Any neglect?

- Well-

- I wouldn't say 'neglect',

but I mean the mother

doesn't seem

to give the kid much time.

Mel said there wasn't

any food over there.

So your general impression

is that this isn't

an abuse case,

just that this women

shouldn't win

any Mother-Of-The-Year

awards?

Definitely.

I mean, we had it

rougher than he does.

Alright, well thanks

for your time.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, sure.

So what do you think

you're gonna do like,

what do you do now?

Do you guys call the police

or anything?

No. I'll just have look around,

probably send a notice out.

Cool. That's all?

I mean, if I can I'd like to

spare him the system.

Getting processed is... well...

- It should be the last resort.

- Really?

Yeah, I mean if

this kid's being

severely beaten or starved.

No. Whoa!

Then you process

and the kid gets bounced

from one house to the next,

and you hope the family is not

just doing it for

the food stamps.

Sh*t! I had no idea.

- Thanks for your time.

- Cool, yeah sure.

Bye.

What do you guys feel like?

How about the next time you send

any law enforcement agency

to the house,

give us a heads up.

What?

Better yet, don't do it at all.

- Child services?

- Yeah.

So what happened?

He left a note.

- A note? That's it?

- Yeah.

He said it looked okay to him.

I don't believe that.

Look, maybe our shitty,

f***ed up upbringings made us...

You in particular, Mel -

susceptible to overreaction.

Kelsey, you in there?

- Oh...

- Can I help you?

Hi, I was just looking

for my brother, Alan.

In my windows?

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