A Christmas Story 2 Page #4

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So you pull it out, like so.

You take the width, you

double it, add half.

- Got it?

- Um...

Of course you do. Ha, ha!

You're a natural.

All together now.

Take the width, double it, and add half.

Yes. Ha, ha. Bingo.

Well, good luck. Heh.

Did she just leave us?

She left us.

I thought we were going shopping.

Just one quick stop.

I went through those old newspapers

out in the garage.

- Mm-hm.

- Old real estate listings.

A lot of people remodel after they buy.

Soup to nuts.

Wanna know who the future belongs to?

People with information.

You just missed out. Yeah, they

hauled the old one away last week.

See? You hear that? What'd I tell you?

Aw, she was a beaut too.

A vintage Jackman-Henderson.

Yeah, they put in one of those

new central systems.

Heats and cools.

Don't we have a Jackman-Henderson?

He can't stand ours.

- He throws his tools at it.

- It's still a reliable brand, dear.

I don't see why we can't get a new one.

You were so frustrated yesterday.

But he thinks he can fix anything.

Last year, he thought

he could fix the fuse box.

- We didn't have electricity for three days.

- That's enough, dear.

We had to throw out everything

in the fridge.

If you come across another,

maybe you can give a holler.

- I'll keep you in mind, okay?

- Thanks.

We can go now, dear.

Did I say something wrong?

You didn't have to tell him every detail.

By the way, you didn't have to

throw everything out.

The condiments kept fine.

He dragged her to two more

houses that afternoon.

And five the next.

Please?

Wait, Schwartz, double it twice, right?

No, you idiot. Double it then add half.

All right, next.

I want to know where my tea set is.

Uh, ma'am, please, be patient.

You try being patient with a 10-week-old.

Mommy's here, pumpkin.

- I've been waiting for 10 minutes.

- Yes.

How could she just ditch us?

Where the heck is she?

Heh, heh. Peace on Earth.

- Where are my...?

- It's the wrong package.

Please, everyone, we are doing our best.

My baby! Where's my baby?

Oh...

You wrapped her daughter?

I put a pink bow on it.

Follow me.

Observe.

Excuse me, miss.

Care to sample our new fragrance?

Mm-hm. Mm.

You think you can manage that?

Ooh.

Miss, would you care to sample

our new fragrance?

- Mm.

- Oh!

Definitely not.

Oh...

- Sample, ma'am?

- Yes, please. Thank you.

One second.

- Sure.

- Jammed.

- Ooh!

- Oh!

Aah!

Oh, I'm so sorry. Here, here.

Here we go.

Um... Hmm.

You better run!

So you owe us for the mannequin...

...a refund for that baby's mother,

of course.

Oh, the broken stemware upstairs.

You really hit the jackpot on that one.

What you've earned is in this column...

...what you owe is over here.

Well, at least we didn't get canned.

You're not kidding. Talk about a break.

Because he felt sorry for us.

If you ask me, being pitied...

...is a pretty good way to go through life.

Hey! Parker!

Hey, you'll get your money.

We all got jobs,

and our first day was today.

So far we're at minus $12.

What are you blabbing your mouth for?

Now, just stamp both copies...

...file the yellow one in the tray...

...and send the pink one off to shipping.

You think you can handle that?

Not inspiring confidence.

Oh, the old man prepared for ice fishing...

...the same way Attila the Hun

got ready to plunder the Balkans.

There would be no prisoners

on Hohman Lake this Christmas.

Six inches, not a whit more.

Don't wanna tip them off

they got company, right?

These walleye are crafty bastards.

How come we're the only ones

out here?

Well, maybe because

everybody else is a sucker...

...who doesn't mind spending 40 cents

a pound for a bird that can't even fly.

- But not us, right, pal?

- Sure, Dad.

All right, now let's

catch us a big fish. Hm?

Can we go now?

We just started.

- It's so cold.

- It's not cold.

It's crisp.

Fishing is all about patience, son.

Buck up.

The sun's coming out, huh?

Gonna be a great day.

This is why my brother Randy

still lives in Fort Lauderdale.

I knew it.

It's my jigging.

Technique's all wrong.

Gotta move the pole more. Right?

Raise and drop...

...raise and drop...

...raise and drop.

That's how you get them

to come up to the top.

Tomorrow is the day, little angler.

We'll get out there bright and early, huh?

Help me.

Parkers. It's your dime.

Why, yes.

I am indeed. Let me get a pen.

Sweetheart, you should be honored

your father lets you go with him.

Ralphie didn't get to go fishing

till he was well past puberty.

Ralphie has all the luck.

Absolutely.

I certainly will. Yes, and thank you.

Ha-ha-ha. What'd I tell you?

That was the contractor we met.

I told him to call me...

...if he came across any decent furnaces.

Well, is this decent enough for you?

He's got a 9-year-old Oil-O-Matic.

Mint condition, 180 bucks.

He'll even throw in free installation,

and he'll bring it by in the morning.

Doesn't 9 years old mean used?

What difference does it make?

It's an Oil-O-Matic.

The kind Gene Autry sings about

on the ads.

Oil-O-Matic.

My, oh, my.

Kiss furnace-nursing

Bye, goodbye.

Excuse me.

Go ahead, live it up!

It's your last night on earth!

Okay, Mike. Fire it up.

My God.

Listen to that.

Please don't make me go back there.

I'm begging you.

Oh, honey, a good space cadet

follows orders.

Play your cards right,

he might let you hold the pole today.

Who cares?

He's never gonna catch a fish.

What's with him?

Oh, he's just excited.

So have they finished?

Listen. Huh? It hums.

I don't hear anything.

It's there. Trust me.

You don't hear it

because you don't hear it.

Six months later...

...he'd have these two

in small claims court.

But no matter.

It was time to savor the moment.

You're right. I can hear it.

- No, no, no. Don't patronize me.

- I can.

- There's a hum.

- You're darn right there is.

It's the hum of success.

Heh, heh. Let's roll, Randy boy.

Time to hit the hole.

- What is it? What did you do?

- My tooth.

Ow!

- Uh-oh, you broke a filling.

- My tooth.

Honey, can you go it alone today?

I don't think there's a choice, I guess.

I'm sorry. I'll bring you some soup later.

But right now I need to get

Randy to Dr. Strassen.

Dr. Strassen? No, no, no.

I'm fine. I'm great.

- Let's go fishing.

- All right. Let's go fishing.

- Come here.

- No! No, I don't wanna go.

Dad needs me.

I don't wanna go with you.

- Fishing is a rite of manhood. No!

- No!

No, not Dr. Strassen!

Randy!

- The boy wants to go fishing!

This is green. We don't do green.

- Wait, what's the problem?

- Yellow tray, pink ship.

He never said nothing about green.

You know what this means, right?

We gotta close the store.

Say it ain't so, Schwartzie, not the green!

All right, calm down.

We'll go find out.

Well, you know what they say:

Those who cannot remember the past

are condemned to repeat it.

Not again.

You three, come with me.

- Quickly.

- Huh?

There's been a bit of an incident

at the North Pole.

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