A Christmas Story 2 Page #6

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- I think I'm gonna go out there.

- Well, do not bring him a blanket.

Apparently he doesn't

appreciate anything nice...

...people try to do for him.

Ralphie?

That you?

Hey, Dad. How you doing?

Heh. Hey.

- Come on over, pull up a chair.

- Heh.

I thought I'd take a ride

and stretch my legs.

Seems like a pretty nice night.

It's 10 degrees out.

- Yeah, okay.

- Ha, ha.

Uh, I actually

kind of wanted to talk.

Well, sure, let's talk.

How's it going at work?

God, it seems like only yesterday, I was

watching your mother change your diapers.

And here I am asking you,

"How's it going at work?"

uh, that's sort of what I wanted to, uh...

Look at you, huh?

Getting that job downtown, not giving in.

You and me, kid, we are two of a kind.

A couple of stubborn sons of b*tches,

plain and simple.

We're finishers. We hang tough.

MacArthur. He didn't pull out of Bataan

till they held a gun to his head.

Dugout Doug, they called him.

You know what they say:

Sometimes it's the last key in the bunch...

...that opens the lock.

To tell you the truth...

...I'm not even sure

if I know what that one means.

I do.

I know just what that means.

Well, good.

That makes one of us.

Here, hold this.

I have got to get some soup.

We sat there shivering

and telling tall tales to each other.

After I left,

he stayed three more hours...

...and never caught a thing.

I didn't find that out

until many years later, of course...

...and it was a secret

that I'm glad was kept.

Sir, may I have a word with you?

Uh... Sir, please, wait!

Don't come any closer.

I want another chance.

I distinctly remember

telling you and your friends...

...that you would be physically removed...

...if you ever entered

this establishment again.

I hardly knew those guys.

It is just me now.

I'll do whatever you want, no slip-ups.

Please. It's Christmas.

- Security!

- No!

I am not going anywhere.

I'm a stubborn son of a b*tch,

just like he is.

Like who?

Never mind. um...

Sir, if you give me one more shot...

...you will not regret it.

Very well.

Oh, I wish I wasn't such a softie.

- Thank you.

- You don't mind working outside, do you?

No. No, no, anywhere. Not at all.

Ding, ding, ding.

Ding, ding.

Not her. Anyone but her.

If she sees me dressed like this,

I might as well move to the North Pole.

I'll die alone on some ice floe,

the world's only virgin reindeer.

Please. No.

One glimpse of me and I'll go right from

"she doesn't know I'm alive"...

...to "stay away from me, you."

Oh, you again, eh?

Get out of here!

Whoa!

You lousy cotton-tailed klutz.

I spent all day getting that.

Sorry. I'll pick it up.

You bet your butt you will,

every dime.

Yes, sir.

- I'll get it.

- Hey!

Hey, get back here.

Sir?

Sir, uh, that 5, um, it's not yours.

Guy on the corner's collecting money.

Oh, yeah? Well, you tell him

I said job well done.

- Come on, sir. It's for charity.

- Take a hike, Bambi.

- I don't know what you're talking about.

- Actually, you do.

Well, that would make me

a liar then, wouldn't it?

Yes?

All those faces floating over me...

...and the only one I could see was hers.

It was over. Why bother getting up?

Why bother going back home...

...or back to school or back to anything?

Why bother having dreams at all?

Eighty-four dollars and twelve cents.

That's it.

Oh, that's so close.

But you're still going to prison, pal.

Hey, uh, we can send you some

girly magazines to bribe the screws with.

I'm not going to jail.

Did you ever get that 5 bucks

your sister owes you?

Um, no, she used it

to buy a winter coat for my grandma.

Well, that was stupid.

Yeah? You want my grandma to freeze?

Did you just push me?

Um, no. This is a push, Nancy Drew.

- Do it again, I double-dog dare you.

- Wait, I got it!

I'll put some of my things in hock.

Look around. I got all kinds

of valuable stuff.

Yeah, because what pawnshop

wouldn't want...

...an old Augie Galan mitt

or an Orphan Annie decoder?

I just need a dollar.

One lousy dollar.

We're tapped out, pal. All of us.

We've been picked clean.

We've lifted every sofa cushion,

raided every sock drawer we could find.

And every cent we got

is right there on that bed.

What's in the pocket, Schwartz?

Nothing.

Schwartzie.

You can't have my lucky buck.

- Your what?

- My lucky buck.

I got it from Grandpa Maury.

And I still remember the look on his face

when he gave it to me.

Who cares? Your best friend

is gonna do time.

You don't understand.

This buck turned everything around for me.

That first time that I

held it in my hand...

...I knew that I'd always come out on top.

If I lose it...

...my whole world would fall apart.

You're right. Forget it.

It's not worth it.

Not if it means that much to him.

Wait a minute.

I've never seen it before.

Uh, when exactly did you get it?

The second night of Hanukkah.

What year?

Last Tuesday. I got this tie too.

Guys, stop. Guys.

- Guys, guys, that tickles.

- Let go, Schwartz!

No, no! Not my lucky buck!

Say uncle! Say uncle!

Aah, aah.

- Eighty-five! Uncle!

Eighty-five indeed.

I had pulled it off, against all odds.

Stop the presses, sound the trumpets.

Victory was mine.

This time, I had beaten the furnace.

I changed the tire in four minutes flat.

I bowled the 271.

That's another way we were the same,

the old man and I.

I knew how it felt...

...to sample the sweet nectar of triumph.

Lesson learned, all right.

Determination was the key.

No matter what,

stay the course, never falter.

Always keep your eyes on the prize.

Really coming down, isn't it?

Looks like a white Christmas tomorrow.

Well, that's the way it should be, right?

Yes, sir, it is.

Merry Christmas.

Being teenagers meant

that we were often capable...

...of perpetrating

reckless irrational acts.

Such deeds tended to involve items...

...like raw eggs or rolls of toilet paper.

There were usually simple

and understandable explanations...

...for such behavior.

We were either young

or careless or stupid.

Or in my case, all three.

And then there were times,

every once in a blue moon...

...when we did things

we couldn't explain at all.

Ha-ha-ha! That's it.

Sorry. Long day.

He's here.

Oh, good. Let's eat.

Eat what? What are we having?

Right.

Well, as you know, I... I thought...

...we would try something a little

different for Christmas dinner this year.

Yeah, that was a laugh riot.

Well, I was trying to be frugal.

But as it turns out,

what I was really being was...

Okay, everyone...

...look at the dinner

your father caught just for us.

Shazam.

My brother never heard

what really happened...

- ...and hasn't to this day.

- You're amazing.

Some acts of glaring deceit

are best kept hidden away forever.

Who's calling on Christmas Eve?

These bill collectors

will not leave you alone.

I think that's for me.

Eat your vegetable.

Parker residence. Ralph speaking.

There he is. My test driver.

I was starting to think

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