A Damsel in Distress Page #4

Oh!

Enter.

Oh! I was expecting someone else.

However, peasantry is always

welcome across my threshold.

Take a stool and sit down, sir.

THUD!

As a matter of fact, I....

..I was expecting your boss.

And it would have been a most

unpleasant time he'd have spent.

Pray tell, who does he think he is,

ordering me out of the county

and horsewhipping me?

I'd like to see him try it!

What do I care if he's the earl

of yon neighbouring castle?

An earl? So what?

And how did he become an earl?

Because some ancestor did common

people out of their lands, the old pirate!

Want to know what else I think?

Why, he's nothing but a...

a high-binder.

Have you finished? Yes.

I think that's all. Good.

Come out, you young scoundrel!

Come out! No, lord. Please, lord.

Please, sire. Go on, get out.

Yes, m'lord. No, m'lord.

You're Lord Marshmoreton. I am.

Oh!

Oh! Oh, isn't it awful?

Isn't it terrible?

What's awful? What's terrible?

I can't hear a thing.

What's this? The answer

to the letter you gave me.

You mean that you gave my note

to Lady Alyce? Of course I did.

You tipped me most liberally.

There's her answer.

Oh, then you're on my side.

Of course I am.

Alyce loves you. What?

And I respect her judgment.

She loves you, that's enough for me.

I don't think the Marshmoretons

are fenced off

from the rest of the world

by some sort of nobility.

My sister does, but she's an ass.

Isn't she?

I mean, is she?

Course she is! Always has been.

Why, she wants her step-son,

Reggie, to marry Alyce.

Over my dead body, sir.

Well, she didn't specify that, but

she'd be glad if it was arranged.

Look... We're going to take her

to a fair this afternoon.

Caroline expects him to propose to her on

the chute de chutes. Well, I'll be darned!

Is that all you're going to say?

No, sir, it is not.

Well, if I were a man

in your position,

I'd go myself

and take her from him.

That's just what I shall do, sir.

Good boy!

Well...

I must be getting back to my roses.

Oh, by the way,

if you should happen

to run into my sister,

tell her I horsewhipped you within

an inch of your life. Right-ho.

JERRY HUMS A CHEERFUL TUNE

Still alive, huh?

Alive? I've just begun to live.

Just begun to live?

Why, I've just begun to live.

Oh, he's just begun to live.

# Oh, I've just begun to live

I've just begun to live

# Yes, I've just begun to live

I've just begun to live

# Oh, I've just begun to live

I've just begun to live... #

Step up, ladies and gents! This way!

The tunnel of love!

All for the price of half a shilling.

Now, I've no doubt many are shy.

You'd like to pop the question

but don't know how.

Give your girl sixpence for the

tunnel of love and achieve your wish.

Get your money back if she don't fling

her arms round your neck and say yes.

When she says nothing, say, "Will

you be mine?" How can she help,

but say the word that keeps the

clergyman out of the poor house?

Money will be returned

to all men who don't click

in the first five minutes.

Step up! This way for the tunnel of

love. Buy your tickets and hurry in.

Oh, come on, George.

No, that's for children.

I don't like them -

never did, never will.

Jerry, don't get me a ticket.

Why not? I've got a weak heart.

Don't be silly! If Jerry pays,

how can that affect your heart?

Come on. No, no. Not me.

I don't get pleasure out of this.

Come along, George. It's lots of fun

having fun, even if you don't enjoy it.

Heel!

Ah!

Good afternoon. Good afternoon.

I've, um...been hoping

that I'd meet you again.

Oh, you have?

Yes, to thank you about yesterday.

Did you hurt yourself?

Oh, no, no. No.

Just skinned my hands a little.

It's nothing at all.

It's a lot of fun, isn't it? It's

all right. What do they call it?

The tunnel of love.

Oh.

I say, I'm with the lady

in the car ahead.

My, my! You must be a magician!

No, but really, aren't you with

the gentleman in the car ahead?

Oh! So I am!

Well, if we're in the car ahead,

who can the people be in this car?

Yes, that's right.

There must be some mix-up.

Shall I strike a match? Why

hit a match? It isn't his fault.

Although I always say...

How do?

..Although I always say...

Say! You're pretty!

You know, I was about

to say the very same thing.

Why don't you say it?

If you think you're pretty, you have

as much right to say it as I have.

I say, do you live here.

No! Where I live we sit in chairs.

I must admit something else.

I, um...

It's lovely weather, isn't it?

Yes. Shame we can't see it. Rather.

..How do?

Oh, by the way, did you see

the newspapers this morning?

No. Did you see them?

No.

But I wished it was yesterday.

Although I didn't see

the papers yesterday.

Did you see the papers

yesterday morning? No.

I never see the papers.

But they're nice to talk about.

Yes. They're so true to life.

Oh, well, aren't we all!

How do?

I say, everybody knows you,

don't they? Yes.

By the way, I, um...

I saw your father this morning.

Oh, yes? Yes, he called at my house.

I thought he was a grand person.

Oh, yes. And truthful, I suppose?

What do you mean?

I mean you can rely upon

what he tells you.

He wouldn't just have fun,

like a practical joke or anything.

Of course not.

What did he tell you? About you.

What about me?

He told me about you

having fallen in love with...

Oh! Well, I'm not ashamed of it.

Course not!

You can't help falling in love.

I know that.

It's like being hit

by a thunderbolt.

That's right.

I know some people laugh at the idea

of falling in love at first sight.

They're wrong.

I'm glad you think so

because I did, head over heels.

Alyce...

SLAP!

How do?

You look nice and happy.

What's happened to you?

George, that was fun!

Let's go down the moving stairs!

Oh, oh, no. Come here.

"The safest way - take the lift."

Inside.

GRACIE LAUGHS:

The safe way?

# What made good Queen Bess

such a great success?

# What made Wellington

do what he did at Waterloo?

# What makes every Englishman

a fighter through and through?

# It isn't roast beef

or ale, or home, or mother

# It's just a little thing

they sing to one another

# Stiff upper lip, stout fella

# Carry on, old bean

# Chin up

# Keep muddling through

# Stiff upper lip, stout fella

# Dash it all, I mean

# Pip-pip to old man trouble

# And a toodle-oo too

# Carry on through thick and thin

# If you feel you're in the right

# Does the fighting spirit win?

# Oh, quite, quite, quite

quite, quite

# Stiff upper lip, stout fella

# When you're in a stew

# Sober or blotto

this is the motto

# Keep muddling through... #

HE SINGS TUNELESSLY

I'm sorry, m'lady. So sorry.

I thought it was clearly

understood, Keggs,

that I would not tolerate

another of these outbursts.

Yes, m'lady. I fight

the urge constantly, m'lady

but this time

it seemed to get the better of me.

A man of character, Keggs, should

learn to control his passions.

Yes, m'lady. Thank you, m'lady.

Father! Just a minute, dear.

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