A Damsel in Distress Page #6

Uncle John? Let me introduce

Miss Allan, Mr Burns.

My Uncle, Lord Marshmoreton. How

do you do? Swell crowd here tonight.

Must be taking in a lot

of shillings. Gracie, we're guests.

I know. Mother, these are

my friends, Miss Allan, Mr Burns.

How do you do? How do?

Well, come along.

Now, you wait here

and I'll go and get that surprise

I told you about at the fair.

Miss Allan, is he coming here

tonight, your friend, Mr Halliday?

Oh, sure he's not coming here.

You know why?

He wasn't invited.

That's why, Lord Marshmallow.

Gracie, it's Marshmoreton, not

Marshmallow. That's what I said!

Marshmallow. Look, Gracie,

Marshmallows are soft and mushy.

Please, George! You don't know the

gentleman well enough to say that!

I'm sorry. Would you

explain that, please? Certainly.

Miss Allan,

have you seen a toasted marshmallow?

No, but I'm dying to see you

that way. I'll bet you're a scream!

Well, here we go.

TROMBONES PLAY A SWING TUNE

John, I insist you make Reggie

stop that noise.

Noise? It's dance music.

Swing! Swing?

In Tottley Castle? It's time the

old place was brightened up a bit.

Oh! ..Oh, how do you do?

I'm so glad to see you.

Oh, you're grand!

Really? Well, thanks. Yes.

Oh, you're a beautiful dancer.

Thank you. Thank you.

If it weren't for two things, you'd

be a TERRIFIC dancer. What's that?

Your feet!

Pardon me.

Makes my heart glad to see

your ladyship so happy tonight.

Why, Albert!

Your ladyship...

ALBERT SOBS:

Oh, goodness gracious, Albert.

What's the matter?

Your ladyship...

Oh! I can't tell you!

Oh, course you can.

I won't give you away to Keggs.

Have you been eating

green apples again? No.

No, it's not that, it's my heart!

Your heart?

Are you in love? No.

But you are with someone

not worthy of your attention.

Oh!

And I helped bring you together!

That's what hurts! Oh!

What do you mean?

That American. That Halliday!

Look what he went

and wrote about you!

Nice, young, respectable fellow

I thought he was.

I heard your ladyship was keen on

him and did all I could to help.

I should have busted his bloomin' head

in when I first seen him, that's what!

And I've a good mind to do it!

There, there, Albert. You won't

have to. Don't cry any more.

Good evening, Mr Keggs!

You're uncommonly gay,

young Albert. Any reason?

Wouldn't you like to know?

Did I hear there was 10

in the pot? Yes. What of it?

You wouldn't know what to do

with all that money, Mr Keggs.

Find Father and tell him not to

admit Mr Halliday. Yes, m'lady.

And tell him I never want to see

the gentleman again. Yes, m'lady.

JERRY WHISTLES "A FOGGY DAY"

# I was a stranger in the city

# Out of town

were the people I knew

# I had that feeling of self-pity

# What to do, what to do

What to do?

# The outlook was decidedly blue

# But as I walked

through the foggy streets alone

# It turned out to be

the luckiest day I've known

# A foggy day

# In London town

# Had me low

# And had me down

# I viewed the morning with alarm

# The British Museum

had lost its charm

# How long, I wondered

# Could this thing last?

# But the age of miracles

hadn't passed

# For suddenly, I saw you there

# And through foggy London town

# The sun was shining

# Everywhere... #

# ..How long, I wondered

# Could this thing last?

# But the age of miracles

hadn't passed

# For suddenly, I saw you there

# And through foggy London town

# The sun was shining

# Everywhere. #

Excuse me, your lordship, are you

watching for a Mr Halliday? Sh!

Yes. Lady Alyce told me to tell

you he was not to be admitted.

What?

She never wants to see him again.

Thank you, m'lord.

Yoiks, yoiks, yoiks!

Sorry, sir,

you're not to be admitted.

Oh, I see.

Good evening, Mr Halliday.

Good evening, Keggs.

It is indeed a pleasure to see you,

sir. A pleasure to see you too.

Nothing would please me more

than to assist you, Mr Halliday.

Do you feel all right? Why, on a

romantic night like this? Yes, sir.

Keggs, just what's on your mind?

Um...you, um...wish

to see Lady Alyce, of course.

I do. Very well.

I'm happy to relate

that I'm now in a position

to extend to you a helping hand.

You didn't exactly give me

that impression the last time.

No. Since then there's been a

readjustment of matters close to me.

As a result of which,

Lady Alyce's wishes and yours

are very close to my heart.

Keggs, I have always felt that

beneath that macabre exterior,

there lies a heart of gold.

Thank you, sir. Do you mind slipping

in through the music room door?

# The man who only lives

for making money

# Lives a life

that isn't necessarily sunny

# Likewise the man

who works for fame

# There's no guarantee

that time won't erase his name

# The fact is

# The only work

that really brings enjoyment

# Is the kind that is for girl

and boy meant

# Fall in love

You won't regret it

# That's the best work of all

If you can get it

# Holding hands at midnight

# 'Neath a starry sky

# Whoa

# Nice work if you can get it

# And you can get it if you try

# Strolling with the one girl

# Sighing sigh after sigh

# Boy, it is

# Nice work if you can get it

# And you can get it if you try

If you try

# Just imagine someone

# Waiting at the cottage door

# Where two hearts become one

# Who could ask for anything more?

Zip-doo-doo

# Loving one who loves you

# And then taking that vow

# Nice work if you can get it

# And if you get it

# Won't you tell me how?

# Holding hands at midnight

# 'Neath a starry sky... #

Charlie's pretending he's a singer!

A little louder, Gracie. Everybody

didn't hear you. All right.

Jerry's pretending he's... Ow!

# ..Strolling with the one girl

# Sighing sigh after sigh

# Nice work if you can get it

# And you can get it if you try

# Oh-oh

Just imagine someone

# Waiting at the cottage door

At the cottage door

# Where two hearts become one

# Loving one who loves you

# And then taking that vow

# It's nice work if you can get it

# And if you get it

# Won't. You. Tell. Me

# Ho-o-o-o-w? #

Alyce.

I got in.

So I see.

Yes, but it was very difficult.

Why didn't you come to help me?

Oh, I just thought I wouldn't.

You just thought...? I changed

my mind. I don't understand.

Well, I was a little too tired

to come down, I'm awfully lazy,

and, um...

it did seem a lot of trouble.

What's happened? What's caused

this sudden change in you? Change?

Why, yes. This afternoon... Surely

you didn't take that seriously!

Imagine, man of the world like you!

Do you believe everything

a girl tells you?

Yes, when it's a girl like you.

How simple you are.

I can't believe this is you.

Yes, it is.

And when you're leaving,

you'll find the front door much

more convenient than my balcony.

You might fall and break your neck

and if that happened...

I wouldn't even notice it.

No, it's you.

Yes, it is. At least I think it is.

I'm not quite sure.

Albert, have you ever been

in an earthquake?

No. Well, I've just been in one.

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