A Date for Mad Mary Page #4

You waze me up

so I can stand on mountains.

You waze me up

to walk on stormy...

You can stop there, Rita.

Rita, love, it's "raise me up". Raise.

Waze.

- Jesus Christ.

- She's your cousin, Charlene.

Come on!

Who's she?

The young one doin' the weddin' video.

She looks like a weirdo.

I know. Total freak.

Why does she keep staring over here?

Maybe she's checking you out.

Oh, my God! She is totally checking me out.

Jesus Christ!

Can nothin' go right?

Charlene!

All right Rita. Let's try this

again and it's "raise".

Waze.

I need to talk to you.

Oh. Well, I need to talk to you, too.

Right. You go first.

OK. Erm...

- You go first

- OK.

This might be hard to hear,

so I'll just say it.

Me and Leona were in

Fusion on Saturday night

and we saw John Carter

getting off with a man.

You went clubbin' with Leona?

Yeah.

I have been asking you to go out

with me for weeks.

Mary! I think you're

missin' the point here.

Yeah, we broke up.

And when were you gonna tell me?

Well, when do I see you, Charlene?

All right look. Don't panic.

I'm not gonna say it to anyone.

We'll just find you someone else

to bring as a plus one.

Maybe one of Declan's friends.

Some of them are really weird.

OK?

Mary?

What was that about?

I dunno, she just stormed off.

Hi.

Do you wanna go on a date sometime?

Um... OK.

- Cool.

- Cool.

What the f*** is she doing?

OK.

I just wanted to do that, so...

Erm, I better go. I'll call ya later.

Bye.

When did this happen?

Couple of nights ago.

Was helping her out at a weddin'.

And what?

We were drinkin',

one thing led to another.

So you're into girls now?

Maybe.

You're makin' a show of yourself, Mary.

Well, what's new, Charlene?

Try on that dress, will ya?

So I was thinkin'.

Since you're gonna be at the weddin',

and I'm gonna be at the weddin',

why don't we both go together?

I thought you wanted to bring a hot bloke.

Not any more.

OK.

Cool.

What?

Nothin', just...

Suddenly you seem very cool about all this.

It's a big change from when

we were on the bus a while back

and you avoided looking at me for the

whole three-hour drive, actually.

I didn't refuse to look at ya.

I seem to remember you looking

out the window a lot.

OK, maybe I did a bit.

Then you kissed me

in front of all your mates.

F*** it.

Did they say anything about it?

Actually, Charlene had

a lot to say about it.

Apparently I'm making a show of meself.

F*** her.

She's probably just worried about you.

Charlene does not give a f*** about me,

she's just worried that

I'll ruin her precious weddin'.

Is that why you're asking me to go?

What?

To piss her off?

No.

I don't care what Charlene thinks.

Mary, you're obsessed with what she thinks.

- No, I'm not.

- Yeah, you are.

I don't want to be used.

What the f*** does that mean?

Whoa, don't curse at me.

I just don't want you usin' me

to get even with Charlene.

I'm not.

OK.

Will I get us some drinks?

Hello, this is Mary...

You have new voicemail.

To listen to your messages, press 1.

Hey. Um,

I don't really know what

happened last night and

to be honest I'm not sure I care any more.

I guess I don't really know

what's going on with you

and you don't seem to want to tell me.

And running away like that is

f***ing ridiculous.

That's what children do

and I'm not a child.

Look, I think we should

just call it quits on this.

I hope everything goes well for you, Mary,

and that you figure it all out.

And there's no need to call me back,

I'd honestly prefer it if you didn't.

OK. Bye.

- Hey.

- All right?

What are you doing here?

Came to see you.

So, what's the story with your girlfriend?

What?

She cancelled on me this morning.

I don't know.

And she's not my girlfriend.

So what, you're not a lesbian now?

Are you all right?

Here.

What's this?

The speech. I wrote it.

I did the speech for you.

Well, it's supposed to come from me.

Mary, like, I...

Fine. It doesn't matter.

Gimme it.

"The things you need to know

about Charlene.

"Her first crush was on Mr. Duffy,

our geography teacher in fifth class.

"Her first kiss was on the bus on the

way home from a Boyzone concert.

"Her eyes are a mixture of green and brown

"and not hazel as most people think.

"She loves brown sauce

and eats it on everything.

"She can never remember how a joke ends.

"When she's sick she

always watches the film

"Ella Enchanted and eats

packets of Monster Munch.

"When she walks into a room, people always

notice her and want to be around her.

"This is because of her warmth and

her good sense of humour.

"She loves Declan more than

anything else in the world,

"even brown sauce.

"And she is the best friend

that anyone could ever ask for."

It's lovely.

You're me best mate and

I wanted it to come from me.

Thanks.

Do you wanna go for a pint?

I'm gettin' married tomorrow.

Yeah, but is that not tradition,

that the maid of honour take

the bride out the night before the big day?

- No.

- For one?

No!

All right.

I'll see ya at the church, then.

Yeah.

Why do you never want to see me any more?

What are you on about?

Why do you never want to see me?

Mary, how many times

do we have to talk about this?

- Fine! F*** sake.

- Stop cursin' at me, Mary!

Then stop actin' like

a stuck-up b*tch, Charlene!

I don't have time for this.

Oh, of course ya don't,

cos when do you have time

for anyone other than yourself?

- Excuse me?

- You've f***in' changed.

Oi!

Do you have any idea the

sh*t you've put us through?

Me. Your ma. All of us.

After what you did.

Ya haven't a clue, have ya?

And then you show up on me doorstep

the day before me weddin'

and call me a sh*t friend

cos I won't go drinkin' with ya.

I mean, are you for f***in' real?

And you know what, Mary?

You're right. I have changed.

Everyone has, except you.

You're still a mess.

Who the f*** wants to be around that?

Hey, it's me.

- How many do you want?

- Six.

We're goin' out.

So, where's your boyfriend at?

Are you all selective cos

you got a pony tail?

What's your name, delicate?

- I dunno.

- Yvonne!

- Yvonne?

- Oh, that's a French ass name, Yvonne.

My little French croissant.

You are mad.

All right.

I'm only joking, I'm sorry, like.

Let's do somethin? Come on!

Where we goin'?

Out.

F***.

Don't! Don't!

- Ya f***in' animal!

- Call the guards.

You're f***ing buck mad you are.

D'you hear me?

Come on!

Assault, anti-social

behaviour, assault again.

If she ends up in front

of a prick of a judge...

- It's not good.

- No, it's not good.

You can take her home now.

Thanks, Guard.

Come on.

Is it my fault?

Is what your fault?

I dunno. That you're having problems again.

How is it your fault?

Did ya get someone to go with ya tomorrow?

Sure, so what?

You go down there and hold your head up.

You're as good as any of them girls.

Shh. It's OK.

OK. Fix me.

- I'm surprised you'd the nerve to show up.

- Leona.

Leave her alone.

Thanks.

You look...

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