A Date for Mad Mary Page #3

There's a queue out here!

- Are you the one doin' all the bangin'?

- There's people waiting...

- So what'?

- So, like, will you hurry f***in' up?

Say that again.

Move!

You're after breaking

a glass in me f***in' hand!

Ya See that? F***in' lawsuit.

You all right?

Did ya enjoy the show?

What show?

You do realise you're bleeding?

You didn't have to come with me.

I know.

Good night?

Hardly.

You?

It was OK.

Actually it was kinda sh*t.

I spent most of the night hiding from this

psycho I went on a date with a while back.

- Hate that.

- Yeah.

I've been on a few dates meself lately.

Oh. yeah?

- Lotta psychos.

- Yeah?

Big time.

I went on one there the other night

with this fella that used to be a priest.

Never been with a woman before in his life.

He was like 34.

And what happened?

I left after the starter.

You didn't really give

him much of a chance.

He was a priest.

Well, you've obviously got high standards.

That's what me ma says.

But I think that's just cos

she has no standards.

When it comes to men.

Your dad not around?

Nah. He left when I was a kid.

My dad died last year.

Sorry.

My mam just started dating again.

She's got like three guys on the go.

You should give her a call.

She might give you some tips.

Yeah, maybe I will.

Mary McArdle?

- Thanks for...

- No worries.

I can wait if you like.

Oh, no, you're all right.

See ya around. Yeah?

- All right?

- Yeah.

What happened to your hand?

Nothin'.

It's grand.

Did you see there's speed datin' in the

Westcourt on Friday night?

The two of us could go together.

Dream on.

Your man Ollie that, drives the taxi for

Caffreys, dropped me home.

Asked me out on a date.

He's my age.

I know!

So what? I like him.

You would.

You want advice, Mary?

Get off your high horse

or you'll end up a very lonely girl.

And that one's for free.

F*** off!

What can I get ya?

All right?

Jess!

- Hey.

- Hey!

I saw you from the bus so I, like,

I ran from, like, all the way back there...

- No way!

- Yeah, past the lights.

Right. I'll let you go.

Oh, which way are you walkin'?

Erm...

Well, that way, I suppose.

Do you wanna walk with me?

Sure.

So how's the datin' goin'?

- Sh*t.

- Oh, why bother?

- Because.

- Cos why?

I need to find a plus one for that weddin'.

So, you're going on all these dates

with strangers to find someone

to bring to a wedding?

Yeah.

Not cos you want to meet someone?

No.

At least you're gettin' laid.

What?

Well, I'm not sleepin' with any of them.

Oh, OK That's cool.

Like, I mean, I don't just jump into bed

at the drop of a hat.

Good to know.

Do you wanna do somethin'?

Oh, no, it's cool if you're busy.

No. It's just I've got band practise.

Oh.

All right.

I would, um,

only we've got a gig at the weekend, so...

- Well, that's cool.

- I kinda have to be there.

OK.

All right, well, I'm off up this way.

OK.

- It was good to see ya.

- Yeah, you, too.

Hey!

What are you doin' tomorrow?

Nothin'. Why?

Does it matter that I don't

know any of these people?

- No. Neither do I.

- Yeah, well, you're workin'.

So what? You're my assistant.

Anyway, just focus on the blokes.

We're finding you a man tonight.

Or at the very least getting you laid

by a culchie.

Hi, I'm Jess, nice to meet you.

OK, can I get

everybody looking in here?

That's great.

So, what I think I'm gonna do is

just step the girls out

for, like, two seconds

and get some photos of the guys.

Yeah?

Yeah, just move down

a couple of steps.

That's perfect.

Smile.

Awesome.

So, uh, have all of you got girlfriends?

Hands up if you're single.

You? Cool.

Charlene's wedding speech,

take one, action!

All day I've been looking at ya,

and thinkin' how long

we've known each other

and how much you mean to me.

It seems like only yesterday we were walkin'

to school and makin' each other laugh.

Two things...

We never went to school.

Like ever. We were either

suspended or we mitched.

And secondly the young one never laughs.

Like, I mean, ever.

It gets better.

You're the smartest person I know.

- Ugh.

- You're gorgeous looking...

The face of an actual c*nt.

You are the most generous

person in the world.

She actually wrote this about herself?

Yeah, the girl is bat-sh*t crazy.

Hello?

It's Charlene, she says your

accent needs work.

Mmm.

No, no, it wasn't us.

Ask them for more drink.

Wait, sorry. Uh, could we get some drink?

He hung up.

F*** it!

You're a sh*t matchmaker.

It's your fault for bein' so picky.

Why weren't we iookin' for a fella for you?

I don't want one.

Why, have you been with loads?

What the f*** are you trying to say?

Sorry.

I'm only messin'.

So have ya?

Oh, my God, you really want to know?

You mean sex?

Oh, I dunno.

I don't have a number or anything.

- Why, do you?

- No.

You do! Tell me.

- No.

- Tell me.

No.

I don't think I'm very good at it.

Sex?

No. Like meetin' people. Datin'. All that.

Me neither.

F*** off.

No, I'm serious.

Yeah?

I've always been a bit of a loner.

That's cool.

Is it'? I don't know.

Yeah, like, whatever

makes ya happy and that.

I wouldn't say it makes me happy.

It's just the way it is.

Sure, most people think I'm off me rocker.

- Do they?

- Big time.

Why?

Just cos.

Cos why?

I dunno.

I used to do a lot of stupid sh*t.

Like what?

Fightin'.

What, like proper fightin'?

I hurt a girl in a nightclub a while ago.

I got in a lot of trouble for it.

Was in The Joy for six months.

You were in jail?

F*** off!

Whoa.

Are ya freaked out that I told ya that?

No.

What are ya thinkin'?

Just doesn't seem like you or somethin'.

You don't know me.

Oh, my God.

You OK?

Yeah. I dunno why...

I really like you.

- Bye.

- Goodbye.

- See you, Jess. Take care.

- See you later.

You freakin' out?

No.

Are You?

Look, it doesn't have to mean anything.

Unless...

OK, I'm gonna go now

because I'm dyin' of embarrassment.

I'm playin' in McPhails tomorrow night,

just if you're knockin' about...

If you want to...

OK.

OK.

Thanks.

What's the story, Drogheda?

I feel like I don't belong

Like I'm lost in the Viet Cong

My head is gone

Tell me what the f*** is wrong

It's bleak when the highlight of your

week is mitching school on a Monday

To stuff your face in Subway

Foot-long, yeah, baby

It's boring, but better than smoking

a bong with some radgy-looking mong

Oh, by the way, my name is Julie

Yours truly

I'm a bad b*tch, not really

Hi, this is Charlene, leave a message.

Hey, what does it mean when you've been

with a fella and he says

it doesn't have to mean anything?

And then he says, "Do you want to meet up?"

What does that mean? Does that mean

he's into it or not?

Call me back.

Oh, God

Get me out of this town

Oh, God

Get me out of this town

I can't wait

Till the factory shuts down

I can't wait

Till the dock lands drown

Oh, God

Get me out of this place

Oh, God

Get me out of this place

I don't care if I never see

another familiar face

Rate this script:0.0 / 0 votes